


pray 4 the gays

by MrAdequateBar



Category: IT (2017)
Genre: F/M, Gay Eddie, Gay Stan, Group chat, I had to fucking delete my other acc because my parents found it, M/M, aroace mike, bi ben, im back fuckers, sassy george, straight bev, trans bi richie, trans pan bill
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-25
Updated: 2018-04-12
Packaged: 2019-02-06 20:20:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 40,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12825315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrAdequateBar/pseuds/MrAdequateBar
Summary: billiam: HEWWOtrash man: god DAMN IT BILL you're only proving my pointbilliam: who ever said I was trying to refute itit’s raining ben: bill what's ur fursonaso my other acc got deleted lmao. im back it's me i promise so you can come and readNew chapters on this one!!!





	1. you're a good man georgie denbrough

**Author's Note:**

> USERNAMES:  
> Bill - billiam  
> Stan - jewish spice  
> Richie - trash man  
> Eddie - eddison  
> Ben - it's raining ben  
> Beverly - aesthetic queen  
> Mike - mike n ike

** the losers club™ **

billiam: richie you are hereby banned from talking to being near or looking at georgie ever again

mike n ike: ouch

trash man: this is an OUTRAGE what did i ever do to deserve this torture

it’s raining ben: rip richie that's the worst thing that can happen to someone ever

billiam: he dropped one of the lego things we were building and i could have SWORN he said shit

mike n ike: bill you're partially deaf what if he just said shoot

billiam: THAT IS A RISK I AM NOT WILLING TO TAKE

eddison: what a mess

eddison: rip richie tho

eddison: id hate to be that guy

trash man: OH THX EDS I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME

eddison: LOL U THOUGHT

eddison: and don't call me eds

aesthetic queen: HA sucks to be richie

trash man: bev ur dead to me

jewish spice: that seems a bit harsh bill how do you know it was richie’s influence anyway

billiam: i just know it

jewish spice: Wow what a Great argument

trash man: Stanley Uris aka the Love of My Life

jewish spice: ew nvm

eddison: WIFJSKDMSKDKE

trash man: sunshine this is between stan me and the furry

** PRIVATE MESSAGE **

** aesthetic queen >>> trash man **

aesthetic queen: gay

trash man: bev u r ded 2 me

** the losers club™ **

billiam: HEWWO

trash man: god DAMN IT BILL you're only proving my point

billiam: who ever said I was trying to refute it

it’s raining ben: bill what's ur fursona

billiam: idk probably like a deer

mike n ike: mine is a moose

eddison: mine’s probably a rooster

trash man: yeah cause you're a chicken

trash man: i don't have a fursona

aesthetic queen: that's a big fat lie I spent the night last night and saw all the snow leopard posters stashed under ur bed

_trash man has removed aesthetic queen from the chat._

it’s raining ben: what the hell richie

billiam: bring mom back

eddison: if anyone is our mom it's u bill

jewish spice: this is very true

jewish spice: we’ve all seen him with georgie

** PRIVATE MESSAGE **

** mike n ike >>> jewish spice **

mike n ike: careful stan your domestic gay fantasies abt bill are showing

jewish spice: i regret ever telling u anything

jewish spice: hush

mike n ike: ;)

** the losers club™ **

it’s raining ben has added aesthetic queen to the chat.

aesthetic queen: my hero

it’s raining ben: <3

eddison: heteros

aesthetic queen: what u got against true love edward

it's raining ben: so how is everyone on this lovely night [richie don't interact]

trash man: r00d

billiam: did you just call ben rude

eddison: [i’mcallingthepolice.jpg]

trash man: one day

trash man: you will all regret being mean to me

aesthetic queen: that day is not today. furry.

billiam: uwu

trash man: ok billy lemme get this straight

billiam: i’m pan

trash man: lemme get this pan

trash man: you don't want your ten year old brother saying “shit” but you're okay exposing him to furry culture

mike n ike: richie stop being racist

mike n ike: furry racist?

mike n ike: furacist? fracist?

trash man: FUCK OFF MICHOLAS

jewish spice: bill is my favorite furry

billiam: stan is my favorite spice girl

aesthetic queen: gay

jewish spice: ????

billiam: there is nothing gay about the love one man feels for another

** PRIVATE MESSAGE **

** billiam >>> aesthetic queen **

billiam: BEVERLY IM FINNA CUT UR EAR OFF

aesthetic queen: kinky

** PRIVATE MESSAGE **

** jewish spice >>> mike n ike **

jewish spice: ABORT ABORT ABORT

mike n ike: i’m cackling

** the losers club™ **

eddison: it’s almost 11 im going tf to bed

it's raining ben: me 2

aesthetic queen: gn love

aesthetic queen: oh and ben

eddison: FIDSJJDKAKSJ

it's raining ben: i am. Devastated.

aesthetic queen: jk ily ben my baby

mike n ike: beverly isn't always romantic

mike n ike: but when she is

mike n ike: disgusten

trash man: someone's jealous

mike n ike: i’m aromantic you potato faced twat

mike n ike: and that's not even why I said that

billiam: EKFNKADMKSKRKEJ

jewish spice: RIP RICHIE X2

aesthetic queen: “potato faced twat” is my new favorite phrase

aesthetic queen: mike hanlon i’m lov u

mike n ike: lov u too bev

eddison: ok cool can we all go tf to bed now

jewish spice: cranky devil eddie arises

eddison: stain you might wanna lock your windows extra tight tonight

aesthetic queen: stain

trash man: stain

it’s raining ben: stain

_jewish spice has changed their name to stain._

stain: what's up gamers

trash man: u stole my line

trash man: you're a dead man uris

billiam: you're a good man charlie brown

aesthetic queen: STOP

aesthetic queen: YOU STOP RIGHT THERE

it's raining ben: wow bev is that….your new philosophy?

aesthetic queen: WHOMST THE FUCK WANTS TO DIE TONIGHT

stain: with the way this chat is deteriorating i’m gonna go ahead and say me

billiam: no stan we need you

billiam: to stop us from doing stupid things

** PRIVATE MESSAGE **

** aesthetic queen >>> billiam **

aesthetic queen: nice save gayass

billiam: i hate everything

aesthetic queen: caaaan u feeel the loooove toniiiiiiiight

billiam: YES YES I FUCKJING GET IT BEVERLY

aesthetic queen: do you need 2 rant

billiam: yes

aesthetic queen: be my guest

billiam: uh ok

billiam: stan is

billiam: very cute

billiam: and he's always looking out for the rest of us even when we may not want it and he gives really awesome hugs and his hair always smells like lavender and is super pretty and curly and he has this little bump on his nose from when he was helping georgie and I clean the gutter full of leaves once and I was so busy looking at how awesome and adorable he was talking to georgie that I let go of my broom and hit him in the nose

billiam: and he always carries around extra hearing aid batteries cause he knows I forget to bring them to places on the one day the battery is going to run out and he lets me rest my legs on his and he doesn't have freckles like mine but they're there and you can see them if you study his face enough and they're really adorable

billiam: uh

billiam: yeah

aesthetic queen: …

aesthetic queen: wow

aesthetic queen: this bitch is rly in love

aesthetic queen: yo I have an idea

billiam: uh what

aesthetic queen: why don't you ask him out

billiam: SKFJWJSN I CANT DO THAT

billiam: anxieté

** the losers club™ **

it’s raining ben: [beverlybrownorsallymarsh.jpg]

trash man: SJJJAKSJJWJ

mike n ike: AMAZING

aesthetic queen: that's from a fifth grade production stop judging

eddison: suddenly I am awake

eddison: she is beauty she is grace

eddison: she punch paper in the face

aesthetic queen: I highly suggest we all sleep now

trash man: no

eddison: go to bed richie

trash man: ok

_stain has changed their name to jewish spice_

jewish spice: order is restored

jewish spice: gn


	2. the emoji movie starring richie tozier

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in this episode: hotboxing, bad movies, ballet, and richie and stan have sand in their pockets

** the losers club™ **

aesthetic queen: guys i just had a realization

it's raining ben: ok

jewish spice: share

aesthetic queen: ok so last night richie called mike micholas

aesthetic queen: what if all our names were like that

billiam: bev are you high?

aesthetic queen: …

aesthetic queen: no comment

eddison: beverly you can't be high in school you'll get caught

aesthetic queen: not if richie and i are hotboxing the second floor janitors closet where no one will find us

eddison: RICHIE

trash man: u called babe

eddison: im very disappointed

billiam: which 2nd floor janitors closet? the one near hickory ham sam’s classroom or the one near the health room

aesthetic queen: HICKORY HAM SAM MY MAN

billiam: i’m coming

eddison: i hate all of you

trash man: im sorry eds

eddison: sure u are

** PRIVATE MESSAGE **

** trash man >>> it's raining ben **

trash man: I am fucked

it's raining ben: it's not that bad

trash man: but he's MAD AT ME

it's raining ben: i can promise you he's not actually that mad

it's raining ben: you're high richie

trash man: and if it's going to take not being high to get the kapspak man,,,, then that is what I will do

trash man: wouldn't want to accidentally get him second hand high anyway

trash man: make those pretty brown eyes look bad

trash man: have u seen eddies eyes

trash man: they remind me of,,...

trash man: the moon

trash man: or like

trash man: a plate

it's raining ben: a plate. gotcha rich.

** faarquad star squad **

** it's raining ben >>> mike n ike, aesthetic queen **

it's raining ben: [heshopeless.jpg]

mike n ike: whaddya mean they're hopeless

mike n ike: that's adorable

it's raining ben: we need to start taking drastic measures

aesthetic queen: nice

** the losers club™ **

aesthetic queen: where's staniel

aesthetic queen: I need my lackey

billiam: what is my name bev

aesthetic queen: uh billiam?? duh??

aesthetic queen: the losers club: billiam, staniel, richward, eddison, benson, bevlie, and micholas

jewish spice: what could you possibly need me for bev

aesthetic queen: well I'm slowly getting more sober but I need you t tell madarne dipshit I'm gonna be a few minutes late

jewish spice: gotcha

_mike n ike has changed their name to hickory ham mike._

_it's raining ben has changed their name to hickory ham ben._

_billiam has changed their name to hickory ham bill._

_aesthetic queen has changed their name to hickory ham bev._

_trash man has changed their name to hickory ham rich._

jewish spice: jesus christ

hickory ham rich: stan you don't believe in jesus

hickory ham rich: you're jewish it literally says that in your username

jewish spice: beep beep richie

eddison: what the hell is going on

hickory ham bev: we've ascended

hickory ham mike: one of us

hickory ham bill: one of us

hickory ham rich: one of us

hickory ham ben: ONE OF US

_jewish spice has changed their name to hickory ham stan._

hickory ham stan: one of us eddie

hickory ham bill: YES WE GOT STAN

hickory ham rich: COME ON EDS

hickory ham rich: you can't be one of us until you are hickory ham eds

eddison: no fuck u

** PRIVATE MESSAGE **

** hickory ham bill >>> hickory ham bev **

hickory ham bill: i’m dyin beverly

hickory ham bev: oh I relate

hickory ham bill: in a gay way

hickory ham bev: oh nvm

hickory ham bev: what's up billabong

hickory ham bill: I just walked by French class and saw stan and wanted to run in there and kiss him

hickory ham bill: I'm so fucked

hickory ham bev: self control billy

hickory ham bev: that is the way

hickory ham bev: hey is this username thing getting annoying

hickory ham bill: uh yes I'm actually kinda getting a headache

** the losers club™ **

_hickory ham bev has changed their name to aesthetic queen_

_hickory ham bill has changed their name to billiam_

hickory ham mike: TRAITORS

_hickory ham ben has changed their name to it’s raining ben._

_hickory ham stan has changed their name to jewish spice._

hickory ham mike: im so offended

_hickory ham rich has changed their name to trash man._

trash man: sorry mike I was getting confused

jewish spice: figures

trash man: :(

_hickory ham mike has changed their name to mike n ike._

mike n ike: I couldn't be the only one

trash man: who wants to go see the emoji movie after school

billiam: Why™

trash man: I wanna see it

aesthetic queen: did u know the emoji movie doesn't even pass the bechdel test

it's raining ben: Anwkgkwk are you serious

aesthetic queen: yes

jewish spice: how about instead of spending a shit ton of money on a shitty movie we wait for it to be on DVD and we watch it for our next bad movie night

eddison: omg we haven't had bad movie night in so long

billiam: i just got the entire animated hobbit series

trash man: BAD MOVIE NIGHT AT BILLS HOUSE

mike n ike: yesssss im down

jewish spice: omg i’ll bring snacks

aesthetic queen: i’ll bring alcohol

eddison: i’ll bring not alcohol

it's raining ben: thenk u

billiam: it's a plan

\---

** the losers club™ **

trash man: [HHOLYSHIT.mov]

mike n ike: OH MY GOD

billiam: YEET TAKE THAT FUCKER

aesthetic queen: DAMN BEN

mike n ike: Ben did That

jewish spice: an icon

eddison: I can't watch rn what happened

aesthetic queen: basically bowers yells “hey fatass what's for dinner” and richie while filming screams “your mom” and ben fucking decks bowers in the mouth

eddison: PRAISE

billiam: ben hanscom my idol

jewish spice: I wanna talk about bowers scream at the end

jewish spice: he sounds like a pig that's about to be slaughtered

mike n ike: I've witnessed pigs get slaughtered I can confirm

it's raining ben: eddie why can't you watch it

eddison: i’m with my mom rn

aesthetic queen: ew

eddison: that's my fucking mom beverly

eddison: but u kinda right

billiam: I thought I was ur mom eddie

billiam: I've been disowned

jewish spice: eddie is banned from bad movie night

it's raining ben: RIP

mike n ike: should we bring stuff for tomorrow because it's very likely we’ll end up falling asleep

trash man: no we’ll all wear bill’s clothes

trash man: ;)

billiam: I think the fuck not

billiam: bring your own clothes trashmouth last time I let any of you wear my clothes it came back covered in sand

billiam: we went to the WOODS that day,,,,SAND

jewish spice: don't u know that all jewish people carry sand in their pockets 24/7

jewish spice: we start with magnet sand and then move onto aqua sand then get brookstone sand when we’re mature enough

billiam: the sand was blue

jewish spice: then it was richie’s not mine

jewish spice: he hasn't proven to be worthy of the aqua sand yet

trash man: stan I'm hurt

jewish spice: good

eddison: wait are u fr

jewish spice: …

aesthetic queen: NO EDDIE

trash man: if I always had sand in my pockets you of all ppl would know ;))

\---

** the losers club™ **

aesthetic queen: [sleepybois.jpg]

aesthetic queen: for future reference when bill and stan try to refuse that they fell asleep on top of each other

\---

** the losers club™ **

billiam: beverly i'm going to fight

mike n ike: with ur scrawny self

mike n ike: lest we not forget the ballet story

billiam: NO FUCK YOU

it’s raining ben: uh what's the ballet story

mike n ike: I think this was when you went on phone lockdown a few years ago ben when u were at writing camp

billiam: pls don't tell the story

mike n ike: so bill and i plan to join the football team and so we decide to take join a dance studio since ballet helps with your coordination

mike n ike: we go down to Derry Dance Institution bc that's where eddie dances and we r all signed up and we go in for trial classes to see which level we need to be in

mike n ike: and there is a lot of stretching involved before during and after ballet so u don't frickin die

mike n ike: our evaluation class and the teacher tells us y’know stretch down right split and most of us do it y’know we don't have our whole split but we’re pretty good

mike n ike: bill goes down to do a split and he sounds like a fUCKING PTERODACTYL SCREECHING

it's raining ben: WJIRKWKFKEKK

mike n ike: bill ended up in level 2 with a bunch of 8 yr olds

billiam: they're good kids mike

it's raining ben: wait mike what did you end up in

mike n ike: level 4&5

eddison: im the only level 5 so they put me with the 4s with an extra half hour by myself

billiam: ok eddie you're not embarrassing like me that's enough bragging

trash man: someone is really jealous of the flexible boi

billiam: oh fuck you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <3


	3. jesus of suburbia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in this episode: emo music, panicking, and "where in the world is richie tozier"
> 
> Tw for abuse and alcoholism mentions

** PRIVATE MESSAGE **

** eddison >>> trash man **

eddison: richie.

eddison: richie.

eddison: richie!!

eddison: RICHIE

eddison: ok fine ignore me

eddison: we’re gonna have to talk about this sooner or later

eddison: whether you like it or not

eddison: but i can't keep sitting on it and I sure as hell can’t pretend nothing happened

eddison: and I know you can't either

eddison: whatever

** faarquad star squad **

aesthetic queen: yo did either of you do the English homework

mike n ike: [fuckinggatsby.jpg]

aesthetic queen: bless

it's raining ben: yo do either of you know why richie’s been skipping out on the quarry

mike n ike: idk he's been ignoring us and he hasn't been at school all week

aesthetic queen: d you think it might have something to do with why eddie’s been a little shaken up

it's raining ben: idk maybe someone should ask eddie how he's doing

it's raining ben: i mean ive been the victim of many a late night rant from richie about how beautiful eddie is so maybe they do have something to do with each other

mike n ike: that's adorable

mike n ike: but yeah maybe someone should talk to eddie

aesthetic queen: I’ll do it

** PRIVATE MESSAGE **

** aesthetic queen >>> eddison **

aesthetic queen: hiya eds

eddison: don't call me that

eddison: what's up

aesthetic queen: I'm gonna be blunt

aesthetic queen: what's going on?

aesthetic queen: first richie starts ignoring us and then disappears off the face of the earth and you start acting all not-okay and we r really worried

eddison: it's weird

eddison: he won't respond to my texts

eddison: but bev you can't say anything to the other guys im still so confused about all this

aesthetic queen: ofc what's up

eddison: so richie and I were the last two people at the creek last week and we were just talking and trying to skip rocks and I don't even remember what we were talking about because like a few seconds later

eddison: we were kissing??

aesthetic queen: :o

eddison: and then he just got up and left and none of us have seen him since

eddison: i haven't stopped thinking about it

eddison: what if he’s in trouble???

aesthetic queen: richie’s fine eddie. i know he's gonna be.

eddison: noah fence beverly but you know that richie’s kind of a reckless kid

aesthetic queen: i know but like. i think i just know he’ll be okay.

eddison: and im still really confused

aesthetic queen: it's ok to be confused

aesthetic queen: actually if you're ever not confused about something they've put a spell on you

eddison: thanks bev

** the losers club™ **

aesthetic queen: any word?

mike n ike: still haven't seen him

jewish spice: i went to his house to ask about him and his mom opened the door, saw me, grumbled, and closed it

jewish spice: the house was practically leaking alcohol

jewish spice: so I did what any normal member of the losers club would do and climbed up to see into his bedroom window

jewish spice: wasn't in there either

jewish spice: his room looked like an explosion went off

it's raining ben: yikes

mike n ike: that's scary

mike n ike: did someone tell an adult?

aesthetic queen: when do the adults in our lives do anything

mike n ike: ok. fair point

billiam: we should look for him

billiam: with all six of us we should be able to span most of this small ass town

eddison: and if he's packed up and left town?

jewish spice: he's not smart enough or determined enough to do that

jewish spice: i mean I love him but

it's raining ben: ok after school tomorrow we head out and look all over town

it's raining ben: but no splitting up we need to stick together

aesthetic queen: ok

billiam: okay

eddison: ok

** the losers club™ **

jewish spice: r u sure there's anywhere we didn't check?

mike n ike: the sewers. no we literally looked everywhere

aesthetic queen: this doesn't make any sense, how does someone as loud as richie just disappear?

eddison: just keep an eye out for anything weird I guess

** the losers club™ **

billiam: [img_0782.jpg]

aesthetic queen: bill!!!

it's raining ben: eddie just started crying in the library

jewish spice: oh my god

mike n ike: is he okay? he looks horrible

billiam: showed up in the same clothes he was wearing last week at the creek and knocked on my window

billiam: he said he came home from the creek to his mom destroying his room and then they threw him out

aesthetic queen: oh my god

billiam: i asked if he could stay here and my parents said yeah so they're gonna go down to his house tomorrow during school and see what's going on

billiam: i really wanna know where he’s been because after he got clean and changed he fell asleep almost immediately and he's covered in little cuts and bruises

it's raining ben: well he's okay now?

billiam: yeah.

aesthetic queen: thank god. should we come over after school tomorrow and hang with you guys or?

billiam: yeah that sounds good

jewish spice: god I think that's the scariest thing to happen to one of us

jewish spice: maybe on par with that car accident mike got into

mike n ike: ugh don't remind me I'm still paying off that damage

mike n ike: in my defense a weird guy was following me

** the losers club™ **

aesthetic queen: what's everyone’s favorite album

mike n ike: death of a bachelor

it's raining ben: brand new eyes

jewish spice: american idiot

eddison: sgt peppers lonely hearts club band

billiam: appetite for destruction

billiam: richie just nodded idk what that means he's still half asleep

aesthetic queen: I'm friends with a bunch of emo fucks

aesthetic queen: doab??? american idiot??? what is wrong with you people

aesthetic queen: and what the HELL is appetite for destruction

aesthetic queen: it sounds like guy fieri’s solo album

eddison: well what is ur favorite album Beverly

aesthetic queen: …

aesthetic queen: lust for life

jewish spice: HA

billiam: appetite for destruction is a guns n roses album but I like your description better

mike n ike: wait why do you need our favorite albums

aesthetic queen: french project

jewish spice: oh so that's what ur doing urs on

jewish spice: im doing mine on cheesy 80’s movies

mike n ike: bill does richie want chocolate milk

billiam: he nodded

billiam: [heliterallylookslikeadog.jpg]

aesthetic queen: oh my god

eddison: he's yapping like one too

eddison: jesus

** the losers club™ **

mike n ike: [dancingqueen.mov]

mike n ike: for future reference

** the losers club™ **

billiam: love

aesthetic queen: fuck

eddison: i refuse to be ashamed

eddison: actually

_eddison has changed their name to rosie._

rosie: fuck you guys

rosie: hey there were two other people singing with me they need to join me

_aesthetic queen has changed their name to donna._

_jewish spice has changed their name to tanya._

donna: THE GANGS ALL HERE

billiam: richie and I just said “I love mamma mia” in unison

tanya: I gotta say

tanya: I rly like richie on tons of painkillers better than regular richie

tanya: he's not so mean

donna: although the circumstances can get fucked

tanya: oh yeah totally that's complete bullshit

rosie: stan watch your fucking language

mike n ike: oh yeah bill what’d ur parents say

billiam: they went to richies house this morning

billiam: we’ll know in a while

billiam: but this morning they gave off that overprotective parent vibe

billiam: so uh yeah

** PRIVATE MESSAGE **

** rosie >>> billiam **

rosie: hey billabong can I come over

billiam: i actually went out to pick up some food but georgie and richie are at the house so you can go

rosie: cool

billiam: u can make out with richie on my bed but if georgie says he saw you i’ll cut ur ear off

rosie: GROSS you sound like richie

billiam: he’s been staying at my house

** the losers club™ **

_tanya has changed their name to jewish spice._

_donna has changed their name to aesthetic queen._

_rosie has changed their name to eddison._

mike n ike: you guys change your usernames every four minutes why

eddison: well

aesthetic queen: aesthetic

jewish spice: uh nostalgia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's up gamers
> 
> Just restating the fact that Stanley Uris is my favorite boy (now that I'm reading the book he shares that spot with the love of my life Mike Hanlon but my words still stand) and American Idiot is my favorite album so hahahaha


	4. YO I tell u what I want what I rly rly want

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in this episode: the trash returns, georgie and bill make a bet, and love is professed

** the losers club™ **

billiam: hey guys question

billiam: what does partial custody mean

eddison: it's that gross stuff they sell at culver's that like a worse version of ice cream

aesthetic queen: …

it's raining ben: eddie that's custard

eddison: oh

jewish spice: partial custody is when a parent/guardian has slightly more time with/custody over a child than the other guardian or a guardian has sole custody over the child for a determined amount of time

billiam: omg

billiam: like adoption or foster care

jewish spice: uh yeah I guess

trash man: so georgie’s sorta like my brother now???

billiam: …

trash man: oh and bill

aesthetic queen: RICHIE

mike n ike: HE HAS RETURNED!!!

trash man: the bitch is back

it's raining ben: yay!!!

eddison: WELCOME BACK

jewish spice: HI

trash man: I love my brothers bill and georgie

jewish spice: well they're not your brothers unless your parents let the denbroughs adopt you which it's kinda entirely up in the air whether that'll happen

billiam: oh my parents are fucking pissed

billiam: my dad was like “ill be damned if I let another child enter that home”

mike n ike: why does that sound so not like your dad

billiam: he's a lot more protective after the whole thing that happened with georgie a few years ago

aesthetic queen: wait what happened with georgie

billiam: omg we went to the circus one day and then we lost georgie and spent all day looking for him and when we found him he was with this clown who was trying to walk away with him

aesthetic queen: what the ffuck

it's raining ben: that's horrifying

mike n ike: the clown was pennywise

trash man: AIDJSJKSJEKKSK

it's raining ben: who is pennywise

eddison: PENNYWISE MY KWEEN

jewish spice: no fuck that pennywise is weird

trash man: ok so you know the children's theatre I work for

it's raining ben: yeah

trash man: there's this urban legend (more of a giant inside joke) about the new building we have and one of the dressing rooms has this shady staircase that has like a wardrobe thrown down it it's so shady and really messy and dirty and horrible and we found this weird ass statue at the bottom of a clown

trash man: we named it pennywise and joke that he's dating the babadook and tries to foil all of the renovation plans the city makes for the building

jewish spice: how did we go from bill and richie possibly becoming brothers to rehashing the story of pennywise

trash man: if they do adopt me do I have to change my last name

mike n ike: i would imagine that's up to you

aesthetic queen: richie denbrough

billiam: everyone would think he's younger than georgie oh my god

trash man: vomit

mike n ike: what if we all had each other's last names

mike n ike: beverly hanscom

aesthetic queen: nice

it's raining ben: what are you talking about that's gonna happen one day

aesthetic queen: aww ilu

it's raining ben: ilu2 <3

trash man: gross

mike n ike: richie denbrough

billiam: hehe

mike n ike: bill tozier

mike n ike: ben marsh

mike n ike: mike kaspbrak

mike n ike: eddie uris

mike n ike: stan hanlon

billiam: jjjshjj that's so weird

** PRIVATE MESSAGE **

** mike n ike >>> jewish spice **

mike n ike: and don't forget stan denbrough

jewish spice: FUCK

jewish spice: that's cute

jewish spice: mike I hate you

** PRIVATE MESSAGE **

** aesthetic queen >>> eddison **

aesthetic queen: so now that richie’s back

aesthetic queen: you can talk to him

aesthetic queen: you didn't talk to him once when we went to see him

eddison: if he'd answer my texts i could

aesthetic queen: i see

aesthetic queen: looks like we need to take drastic measures

eddison: what

eddison: beverly

eddison: BEVERLY WHAT ARE YOU DOING

** the losers club™ **

aesthetic queen: eddie and richie you guys are banned from the GC until you talk to each other about the creek

_aesthetic queen has removed eddison and trash man from the chat._

billiam: what happened at the creek

jewish spice: tf is going on

aesthetic queen: patience young ones

aesthetic queen: and all will be revealed

mike n ike: bev im older than u

aesthetic queen: by like a month micholas

it's raining ben: sooooo

it's raining ben: what does beverly know about trashetti that we don't

billiam: hmmst yes

jewish spice: tell usss

aesthetic queen: once the bois kiss and make up they will probably tell you so

aesthetic queen: my lips are sealed

** PRIVATE MESSAGE **

** eddison >>> trash man **

eddison: so

trash man: how did beverly know

eddison: you kinda put me on the spot rich was i not supposed to tell anyone

eddison: who would you have rathered me tell? bill?

trash man: ok you're right

trash man: and im sorry

eddison: wow richie being sorry?? that's new

trash man: shut up before I start ignoring u again

trash man: that was one painful week

eddison: then why the hell did you do it you scared the shit out of me

trash man: i thought you were going to be angry with me and never want to talk to me again

eddison: well i was at first

eddison: but really it was because you ran away without saying anything or explaining yourself

eddison: and it made me really confused and i felt like it was a terrible prank because

eddison: nvm

trash man: eds ur my best friend you can tell me anything

eddison: i really like you like

eddison: i love you

eddison: and i thought you were doing some horrible joke

eddison: and you left before I could find out

eddison: and then you disappeared for a whole week because you're a dick

eddison: it killed me rich

trash man: EDDIE

trash man: IT WAS NEVER A JOKE THAT’D BE HORRIBLE

eddison: what???

trash man: fucker i kissed you because I love you

trash man: eddie i love you so much

trash man: i

eddison: wait you like me too??

trash man: yes you idiot

eddison: well then why were we fighting???

trash man: i don't know!!

eddison: maybe we could like actually be in love n stuff like the movies!

trash man: yes!!

eddison: omg!

trash man: do you wanna come over??

eddison: is bill there

trash man: uh yeah

trash man: nvm im on my way

eddison: AHHHHHH

trash man: I KNOW

** the losers club™ **

jewish spice: the chat is quiet tonight

billiam: and i feel god in this group chat tonight

aesthetic queen: sjjsjjab same

billiam: actually it's hella quiet in the house too

mike n ike: whoop

it's raining ben: oh my

billiam: jesus CHRIST

it's raining ben: oh dear what happened

billiam: I asked georgie why everything was so quiet and he said “oh I helped richie get out of the house without you noticing…oops”

jewish spice: georgie is gonna be a crown jewel thief one day if he can sneak richie out THAT quietly

billiam: no!!!

aesthetic queen: if we have to go on another richie hunt im going the fuck to sleep have fun guys

mike n ike: same

** PRIVATE MESSAGE **

** eddison >>> aesthetic queen **

eddison: [otp.jpg]

eddison: pls add us back mom

aesthetic queen: owidjsn ok

** the losers club™ **

_aesthetic queen has added eddison and trash man to the group chat._

mike n ike: hey guys

eddison: canon

jewish spice: what's canon

eddison: [thisdynamicduo.jpg]

it's raining ben: hell yeah

billiam: oh there's richie

trash man: HELL YEAH BITCHES

trash man: also we’re dating

mike n ike: GET IT

jewish spice: wow none of us Ever saw that coming

trash man: [bird.jpg]

billiam: wait fr?

eddison: yeah

billiam: DAMNIT

billiam: one second i owe georgie five dollars

eddison: BILL

trash man: ahhajejrjjsm

trash man: im gonna have a stroke

aesthetic queen: richie your almost brothers bet on when you and eddie were gonna get together and you find that funny

trash man: hell yeah i do

eddison: i do NOT

aesthetic queen: right on guys

mike n ike: i mean we all knew this was gonna happen sooner or later but yeah congrats

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: my sister worked at a Culver's for three years and I always thought their custard was gross as fuck and I learned this summer that I'm lactose intolerant


	5. we all got our junk n my junk is u

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in this episode: pining, chicken, and musical theatre

** the losers club™ **

trash man: friendship ended with bill, now ben is my new best friend

it's raining ben: woah why am i being dragged into whatever this is

eddison: i thought i was ur best friend

trash man: yeah you and stan and formerly bill

jewish spice: tf did bill do

trash man: he kicked me off the fucjing bed

billiam: we were almost asleep and then richie RANDOMLY STARTS RECITING LINES FROM HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER

trash man: yeah and i almost got through the entirety of the episode where barney sleeps with robin before you rudely interrupted me

billiam: you haven't even gotten off the floor

billiam: HE JUST KICKED THE BED

mike n ike: looks like there's discord in the denbrough house

aesthetic queen: don't wake up georgie

billiam: SHIT RICHIE YOU’RE DEAD TO ME

trash man: one day someone is going to kidnap georgie just so you won't be hovering over him all the time

billiam: stop it!!!

jewish spice: bill is such a mom wow

mike n ike: i love our parents bill and richie

** PRIVATE MESSAGE **

** mike n ike >>> jewish spice **

mike n ike: ;)

jewish spice: fuck you

** the losers club™ **

billiam: well now that we’re awake who wants to bring us chicken

trash man: i will love you with my whole ass heart

eddison: it's almost fucking midnight

trash man: i will give u a kees

aesthetic queen: SOFT

eddison: sigh

eddison: lemme check if my mom is asleep

billiam: HELL YEAH

eddison: only doing this cause I also want chicken

eddison: and bc i wanna see georgie

billiam: georgie’s asleep??

trash man: he's sitting right next to us bill

trash man: he came in to sing along with me when I started singing the friends theme song

trash man: [illbethereforyou.mov]

it's raining ben: bill looks so done with you two

billiam: cause I am

billiam: god i wish I was an only child

eddison: ok my moms asleep

eddison: [omwtostealyourgirl.jpg]

mike n ike: kkkdsllj

mike n ike: meme man

eddison: i just fell off my bike

trash man: HA

trash man: but r u okay

eddison: yeas

eddison: wing stop here i come

billiam: YEET

billiam: [yes!.mov]

mike n ike: i rly wish I could watch it my grandad is in the next room

aesthetic queen: bill: georgie richie eddie’s bringing us wing stop georgie: yes!

aesthetic queen: but in like the sweetest voice ever

it's raining ben: bill do you and georgie have matching transformers pajamas

billiam: …

trash man: yes they do and it's something to be proud of

eddison: chicken tendies?

billiam: YES

trash man: YES

eddison: i cannot believe im doing this

eddison: richie u are a terrible influence on me

trash man: <3

billiam: eddie try to get up as quietly as possible if my parents find out richie had his boyfriend over in the middle of the night they'll tear him to shreds

eddison: we’ve known your parents for years???

billiam: yes but now there's romance involved

billiam: plus my parents have never been too keen on our friends just climbing in through our window in the middle of the night

billiam: but they always seem to know when it happens

aesthetic queen: so just watch what happeeeeens

trash man: when will the newest production of newsies starring beverly as jack and ben as katherine happen

it's raining ben: you're the one who has theatre connections richie

trash man: omg…

trash man: can i be medda

trash man: she's rich and im the one who lived in the woods/sewers for a week

eddison: I KNEW IT WAS THE SEWERS

trash man: yeah that's where i go to meet your mom

eddison: there it is

eddison: im here open the window

billiam: oh YEET

trash man: [chickentendies.mov]

aesthetic queen: AIKDMAMNWNE georgie: my favorite brother! richie and bill: GASP

trash man: it's okay after that video he went right back to bill

billiam: hello its georgie my favorite is actually stan

jewish spice: YES

trash man: georgie actually took bills phone im laughing

billiam: if bill doesnt let go of me im going to throw my prosthetic arm at him

aesthetic queen: HEORGIE

mike n ike: heorgie

aesthetic queen: shut

billiam: ok bye i want chicken

billiam: hello my dear friends

jewish spice: that ten year old really has his priorities in check

billiam: he has been raised well

billiam: and by that i mean as far away from richie as possible

billiam: [werfamily.jpg]

aesthetic queen: omg what a cute little family

eddison: i love my son georgie

mike n ike: this family is so convoluted

mike n ike: richie are you georgie’s brother or dad

trash man: both.

eddison: my mood 24/7 is georgie rolling back and forth with a piece of chicken in his hand singing the full house theme song

aesthetic queen: WKFKKSKSKWMN

mike n ike: THIS POOR FUCKIN KID WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO HIM

eddison: in a transformers onesie no less

** the losers club™ **

it's raining ben: hey guys if we were vines which ones do you think we’d be

mike n ike: ben arent you in biology rn

it's raining ben: yeah mrs meyer is crying over tfios rn and i finished the worksheet so im bored

it's raining ben: im the one where the guy is jogging to take on me

eddison: richie and i are “your honor i have an objection! *blows kiss*” “*smiles*... overruled”

trash man: that's

trash man: very accurate actually

billiam: im “stop saying i look like chicken little, okay, he's a coward, and I am NOT a coward”

jewish spice: im “road work ahead, uh yeah, i sure hope it does”

aesthetic queen: im the guy nae naeing to heart and soul

mike n ike: I don't know

billiam: everyone fan out find a vine for mike

trash man: watch me naruto run to a school computer so I can search

eddison: if you ever naruto run in public I'm breaking up with you

trash man: even after I naruto ran my way into your heart

eddison: you did not naruto run your way into my heart you kissed me then disappeared for a week

jewish spice: :o

it's raining ben: well the mystery of “what happened at the creek” has been solved

billiam: good job team

mike n ike: next week it's operation: dad

jewish spice: what is operation dad

trash man: you will know soon enough steve

billiam: idk what operation dad is but you guys remember that book I loved freshman year (still do) about the background kids

billiam: the doctors name was steve and he was hella

billiam: he was easily late twenties-early thirties and dating a 19 year old but he was a good guy

jewish spice: this just in bill is into older guys

billiam: jllldksjsnn

aesthetic queen: someone set him up with mr brooks

billiam: THE LIBRARIAN WITH THE HITLER LOOKINF ASS HAIR

billiam: HOW DARE

eddison: mike is the chicken acting out the lana del rey song

mike n ike: OK ACCURATE

** PRIVATE MESSAGE **

** jewish spice >>> mike n ike **

jewish spice: i wish I was dead

mike n ike: do! not! say! that!

mike n ike: stan ur beautiful and we love you

jewish spice: and im in love

mike n ike: understandable

mike n ike: but listen UP fucker

mike n ike: it's time to stop moping around

jewish spice: oh god mike what are you doing

mike n ike: you are going to get up off ur ass and ask that kid on a date!!

jewish spice: no!!!! i have anxiety

mike n ike: WE ALL HAVE ANXIETY STAN

jewish spice: ok I see ur point

mike n ike: TODAY AFTER SCHOOL YOURE GOING TO SIT THAT FUCKER DOWN AND ASK HIM ON A DATE

jewish spice: hhhnnnggg mike where do i even ask him to go

mike n ike: isn't there swing dancing tomorrow? go there

jewish spice: i can't dance

mike n ike: not important

jewish spice: i can't do it

mike n ike: THAT IS THE WRONG ATTITUDE TO HAVE

mike n ike: YOU CAN DO IT

jewish spice: hhnnnnggg

the losers club™

trash man: friendship ended with bill, now ben is my new best friend

it's raining ben: woah why am i being dragged into whatever this is

eddison: i thought i was ur best friend

trash man: yeah you and stan and formerly bill

jewish spice: tf did bill do

trash man: he kicked me off the fucjing bed

billiam: we were almost asleep and then richie RANDOMLY STARTS RECITING LINES FROM HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER

trash man: yeah and i almost got through the entirety of the episode where barney sleeps with robin before you rudely interrupted me

billiam: you haven't even gotten off the floor

billiam: HE JUST KICKED THE BED

mike n ike: looks like there's discord in the denbrough house

aesthetic queen: don't wake up georgie

billiam: SHIT RICHIE YOU’RE DEAD TO ME

trash man: one day someone is going to kidnap georgie just so you won't be hovering over him all the time

billiam: stop it!!!

jewish spice: bill is such a mom wow

mike n ike: i love our parents bill and richie

PRIVATE MESSAGE

mike n ike >>> jewish spice

mike n ike: ;)

jewish spice: fuck you

the losers club™

billiam: well now that we’re awake who wants to bring us chicken

trash man: i will love you with my whole ass heart

eddison: it's almost fucking midnight

trash man: i will give u a kees

aesthetic queen: SOFT

eddison: sigh

eddison: lemme check if my mom is asleep

billiam: HELL YEAH

eddison: only doing this cause I also want chicken

eddison: and bc i wanna see georgie

billiam: georgie’s asleep??

trash man: he's sitting right next to us bill

trash man: he came in to sing along with me when I started singing the friends theme song

trash man: [illbethereforyou.mov]

it's raining ben: bill looks so done with you two

billiam: cause I am

billiam: god i wish I was an only child

eddison: ok my moms asleep

eddison: [omwtostealyourgirl.jpg]

mike n ike: kkkdsllj

mike n ike: meme man

eddison: i just fell off my bike

trash man: HA

trash man: but r u okay

eddison: yeas

eddison: wing stop here i come

billiam: YEET

billiam: [yes!.mov]

mike n ike: i rly wish I could watch it my grandad is in the next room

aesthetic queen: bill: georgie richie eddie’s bringing us wing stop georgie: yes!

aesthetic queen: but in like the sweetest voice ever

it's raining ben: bill do you and georgie have matching transformers pajamas

billiam: …

trash man: yes they do and it's something to be proud of

eddison: chicken tendies?

billiam: YES

trash man: YES

eddison: i cannot believe im doing this

eddison: richie u are a terrible influence on me

trash man: <3

billiam: eddie try to get up as quietly as possible if my parents find out richie had his boyfriend over in the middle of the night they'll tear him to shreds

eddison: we’ve known your parents for years???

billiam: yes but now there's romance involved

billiam: plus my parents have never been too keen on our friends just climbing in through our window in the middle of the night

billiam: but they always seem to know when it happens

aesthetic queen: so just watch what happeeeeens

trash man: when will the newest production of newsies starring beverly as jack and ben as katherine happen

it's raining ben: you're the one who has theatre connections richie

trash man: omg…

trash man: can i be medda

trash man: she's rich and im the one who lived in the woods/sewers for a week

eddison: I KNEW IT WAS THE SEWERS

trash man: yeah that's where i go to meet your mom

eddison: there it is

eddison: im here open the window

billiam: oh YEET

trash man: [chickentendies.mov]

aesthetic queen: AIKDMAMNWNE georgie: my favorite brother! richie and bill: GASP

trash man: it's okay after that video he went right back to bill

billiam: hello its georgie my favorite is actually stan

jewish spice: YES

trash man: georgie actually took bills phone im laughing

billiam: if bill doesnt let go of me im going to throw my prosthetic arm at him

aesthetic queen: HEORGIE

mike n ike: heorgie

aesthetic queen: shut

billiam: ok bye i want chicken

billiam: hello my dear friends

jewish spice: that ten year old really has his priorities in check

billiam: he has been raised well

billiam: and by that i mean as far away from richie as possible

billiam: [werfamily.jpg]

aesthetic queen: omg what a cute little family

eddison: i love my son georgie

mike n ike: this family is so convoluted

mike n ike: richie are you georgie’s brother or dad

trash man: both.

eddison: my mood 24/7 is georgie rolling back and forth with a piece of chicken in his hand singing the full house theme song

aesthetic queen: WKFKKSKSKWMN

mike n ike: THIS POOR FUCKIN KID WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO HIM

eddison: in a transformers onesie no less

the losers club™

it's raining ben: hey guys if we were vines which ones do you think we’d be

mike n ike: ben arent you in biology rn

it's raining ben: yeah mrs meyer is crying over tfios rn and i finished the worksheet so im bored

it's raining ben: im the one where the guy is jogging to take on me

eddison: richie and i are “your honor i have an objection! *blows kiss*” “*smiles*... overruled”

trash man: that's

trash man: very accurate actually

billiam: im “stop saying i look like chicken little, okay, he's a coward, and I am NOT a coward”

jewish spice: im “road work ahead, uh yeah, i sure hope it does”

aesthetic queen: im the guy nae naeing to heart and soul

mike n ike: I don't know

billiam: everyone fan out find a vine for mike

trash man: watch me naruto run to a school computer so I can search

eddison: if you ever naruto run in public I'm breaking up with you

trash man: even after I naruto ran my way into your heart

eddison: you did not naruto run your way into my heart you kissed me then disappeared for a week

jewish spice: :o

it's raining ben: well the mystery of “what happened at the creek” has been solved

billiam: good job team

mike n ike: next week it's operation: dad

jewish spice: what is operation dad

trash man: you will know soon enough steve

billiam: idk what operation dad is but you guys remember that book I loved freshman year (still do) about the background kids

billiam: the doctors name was steve and he was hella

billiam: he was easily late twenties-early thirties and dating a 19 year old but he was a good guy

jewish spice: this just in bill is into older guys

billiam: jllldksjsnn

aesthetic queen: someone set him up with mr brooks

billiam: THE LIBRARIAN WITH THE HITLER LOOKINF ASS HAIR

billiam: HOW DARE

eddison: mike is the chicken acting out the lana del rey song

mike n ike: OK ACCURATE

PRIVATE MESSAGE

jewish spice >>> mike n ike

jewish spice: i wish I was dead

mike n ike: do! not! say! that!

mike n ike: stan ur beautiful and we love you

jewish spice: and im in love

mike n ike: understandable

mike n ike: but listen UP fucker

mike n ike: it's time to stop moping around

jewish spice: oh god mike what are you doing

mike n ike: you are going to get up off ur ass and ask that kid on a date!!

jewish spice: no!!!! i have anxiety

mike n ike: WE ALL HAVE ANXIETY STAN

jewish spice: ok I see ur point

mike n ike: TODAY AFTER SCHOOL YOURE GOING TO SIT THAT FUCKER DOWN AND ASK HIM ON A DATE

jewish spice: hhhnnnggg mike where do i even ask him to go

mike n ike: isn't there swing dancing tomorrow? go there

jewish spice: i can't dance

mike n ike: not important

jewish spice: i can't do it

mike n ike: THAT IS THE WRONG ATTITUDE TO HAVE

mike n ike: YOU CAN DO IT

jewish spice: hhnnnnggg

** PRIVATE MESSAGE **

** billiam >>> aesthetic queen **

billiam: GOD im so gay

aesthetic queen: go collect yo mans bill

billiam: hbng

billiam: i always find stans jokes funny even when they're not

billiam: it's worth it to see him smile tho cause his smile is so cute

aesthetic queen: gay

billiam: i know

aesthetic queen: ok im so sick and tired of you guys sitting on your asses

aesthetic queen: the forcefulness approached worked with eddie and richie maybe it'll work with you guys

billiam: it won't because 1. stan probably doesn't even like me back and 2. there hasn't been some drastic event that needed to be talked about

billiam: to force us to talk about something that isn't even a thing is really gross and cruel

aesthetic queen: damn okay mom

aesthetic queen: anyways today you're going to ask him out

billiam: GUFFAWS

billiam: THE FUCK I AM

aesthetic queen: AFTER SCHOOL TODAY YOU WILL GET THAT BOI ON A DATE WITH YOU

billiam: i m ready to stutter all over myself

aesthetic queen: that sounds disgusting

billiam: stop it beverly you're making me second guess myself

aesthetic queen: oh sry

** the losers club™ **

trash man: holy FUCK you guys

trash man: i just got the worst email

it's raining ben: do tell

aesthetic queen: spill the tea

trash man: [hohgod.jpg]

trash man: they want me to be IN A SHOW

trash man: IM DYIN

jewish spice: y tho

trash man: because the original actor didn't get cast as the lead so he dropped out like a dick

trash man: it's literally one of the three leads but it's not the lead lead so he was like “hmmgning im mad and leaving”

trash man: there was literally no other scrawny anxious teenagers that we hadn't already cast so i was kinda expecting this but huggghhhhggh

aesthetic queen: you should do it!

eddison: pls do it

eddison: i wanna have a theatre boyfriend i can bring flowers to and watch in shows

trash man: awwww

trash man: eds that's so soft im gonna die

eddison: call me eds again and i’ll kick you in the shin

trash man: kinky

aesthetic queen: im so excited richie’s gonna be a broadway star one day

trash man: ew

billiam: you'd think that richie would love being onstage seeing how much of an attention whore he is

trash man: i really am an attention whore

jewish spice: im just a whore

aesthetic queen: WJFJAKDKJW

it's raining ben: S T A N

jewish spice: I SAW THE OPPORTUNITY AND I TOOK IT

** PRIVATE MESSAGE **

** billiam >>> aesthetic queen **

billiam: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

aesthetic queen: god

** the losers club™ **

trash man: ok I guess i’ll do it

mike n ike: omg it's gonna be so much fun

trash man: not really it's a very sad show

trash man: there's like three songs about mastubation tho???

it's raining ben: oh so it's the perfect show for you richie

eddison: >:(

** SomebOdy Kill Me **

** trash man >>> aesthetic queen, eddison, it's raining ben, mike n ike **

trash man: oh my jesus

mike n ike: what the fuck is it this time richie

trash man: ok so after school let out i went behind the building because that gross girl that called bev a slut last year and then got pregnant threw my glasses out the window during bio

trash man: and i put them on and look up and

aesthetic queen: and???

trash man: i shit you not

trash man: bill and stan were kissing !!!!

it's raining ben: omg cute !

eddison: finally

mike n ike: my plan FUCKING WORKED

aesthetic queen: stop right there hanlon this was my plan

mike n ike: what no i told stan to ask bill out after school today

aesthetic queen: i told bill to ask stan out after school????

trash man: MENDNSNDJA

eddison: relatable

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me?? projecting onto richie the experience of being thrown into a production of spring awakening as moritz randomly?? it's more likely than you think
> 
> other facts about this chapter: i have never SEEN a wing stop, I have never seen an episode of himym, friends, and I've never seen transformers


	6. anything can happen if u let it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in this episode: couples are soft, the past of the fantastic four is revealed, bad YouTube videos are referenced, and stories of richie's bar mitzvah are rehashed

** SomebOdy Kill Me **

aesthetic queen: number one rule is that NO ONE says ANYTHING to bill or stan. they'll say something when they're ready

** the losers club™ **

it's raining ben: remember when bill broke a ceiling fan at richie’s bar mitzvah

mike n ike: stop I still feel bad that I couldn't go

billiam: DONT REMIND ME BEN

aesthetic queen: i do remember you guys and stan and eddie doing that performance of hey ya by outkast

jewish spice: never again

trash man: tf are you talking about you're recreating that for my 18th birthday

jewish spice: NO

eddison: ah back when we were kids and didn't have anything to worry about

eddison: [stansittingonbeverlyslap.jpg]

aesthetic queen: THAT WAS FUCKING HILARIOUS

jewish spice: JJJJHHH

jewish spice: i was so short wtf

billiam: that was fucking incredible

eddison: why wait until richies 18th birthday we can learn all that choreography again in like a day

jewish spice: god pls no

jewish spice: im even worse now at dancing then i was at age 13

billiam: this is true ive seen you dance

trash man: i saw eddies mom dance last night ;)

mike n ike: jesus FUCK richie billothy and staniel were being soft and you had to jump in with another FUCKING MOM JOKE

aesthetic queen: mikey is Done™

mike n ike: you bet your sweet ass i am bev

trash man: i wish i still had that fountain we used

trash man: i wanna fill it with chocolate milk and run through it in the nude

eddison: richie what the fuck

trash man: don't say you wouldn't

eddison: i wouldn't because im lactose intolerant

billiam: i wouldn't bc it'd get my hearing aid wet

jewish spice: i wouldn't bc that's fucking weird

** PRIVATE MESSAGE **

** billiam >>> jewish spice **

billiam: they're having open skate at the roller 70 tonight u wanna go?

jewish spice: jesus bill i suck at roller skating

billiam: no, u suck at dancing and there's no way someone as awesome as u can be terrible at everything so we’re going

jewish spice: :/

billiam: stopppp it'll be fun

billiam: cmonnnn

jewish spice: gosh okay

billiam: YES!

jewish spice: but you realize that means leaving georgie in richie’s care while your parents are gone

billiam: shit

billiam: richie is rehearsing tonight

jewish spice: oop

billiam: well then

jewish spice: we need to find a cover to ask someone else

** the losers club™ **

billiam: hey guys stan and i are moving to alaska we need someone to watch georgie tonight

jewish spice: SKDJSKKEE BILL

jewish spice: we’re going to a museum for my french project

aesthetic queen: why do you need bill to go with you

jewish spice: well 1 nothing is fun alone

billiam: and 2 i get a family discount

trash man: wait you have family that works at a museum?

billiam: no

billiam: but once upon a time i did a spot on britney spears impression at the zoo and became friends with one of the workers who gave my family a discount by saying we were his family then he did the same thing when he started working at a museum

billiam: his name is jared and he looks like poe from star wars

it's raining ben: what the fuck is even going on anymore

eddison: oh yeah I think I heard that story

aesthetic queen: anyways the faarquad star squad would be happy to watch georgie !

mike n ike: we would?

trash man: who is the faarquad star squad

it's raining ben: the three of us who are not the fantastic four

trash man: ah okay

aesthetic queen: yeah y’all come over to me n my aunts apartment we take care of the child

mike n ike: ok!

billiam: yeah i trust you guys

trash man: why can't I take georgie to rehearsal with me

billiam: your character literally dies

trash man: your point

billiam: “three songs about masturbation”

trash man: yes

billiam: onstage sex scene

trash man: ok

billiam: NO RICHIE

trash man: geez okay fine

mike n ike: elementary school production of rent

jewish spice: W H A T

eddison: suddenly i can't read, i don't know

aesthetic queen: mike what the fuck

mike n ike: [elementaryschoolproductionofrent.jpg]

mike n ike: it's in missouri

mike n ike: let's go

trash man: i almost puked in my hand?

it's raining ben: im in hell

mike n ike: road trip

aesthetic queen: no mike

mike n ike: sigh

billiam: that sounds so horrifying I just

billiam: ulgh

jewish spice: thx guys

jewish spice: for watching georgie and for that mental image

** PRIVATE MESSAGE **

** trash man >>> eddison **

trash man: [toohothotdamn.jpg]

eddison: that's adorable my cute mans

eddison: omg wait is it firebending day in chem

trash man: you bet your sweet ass it is!

eddison: hella

eddison: [kees.jpg]

eddison: im in class i almost got yelled at

trash man: ADORABLE

trash man: GOD WE ARE SO CUTE ID BE JEALOUS IF WE WERENT US

eddison: omg i know

trash man: what did you name the rubber duck you're kissing tho

eddison: idk

eddison: maybe like

eddison: Big Chungo

trash man: i love him

trash man: i love our son big chungo

eddison: yes!!!

eddison: let's make beverly and ben the godparents

trash man: yessss

trash man: bill and stan will be the wine aunts

eddison: mike is the uncle that drives a motorcycle

trash man: amazing

eddison: i can't stop thinking about ducks now

trash man: do u wanna go to the lake after school and feed birdseed to the ducks

eddison: omg pls

trash man: ok!

trash man: I have rehearsal at 6 tho so

trash man: we will have to go our separate ways

trash man: or I mean you could come with me

eddison: YES

trash man: LMAO

** the losers club™ **

trash man: hey hey hey stay outta my shed

jewish spice: NO FUCK YOU

eddison: RICHIE YOU ARE THE WORST

it's raining ben: good god I thought we left that behind years ago

trash man: i thought we could bring it back since we're celebrating stan and bill’s elopement to alaska

jewish spice: i just choked on my tea

billiam: ew ew ew no put that god forsaken video away

billiam: if we WERE going to alaska that's the LAST thing we’d want to be reminded about

aesthetic queen: im literally going to cry

mike n ike: i am crying

mike n ike: people are staring at me in apush

mike n ike: JESUS

mike n ike: STAN JUST STARTED PLAYING THE SONG OUT LOUD

mike n ike: I WANT TO DIE

jewish spice: hehehe

jewish spice: [sadguy.mov]

jewish spice: rip mike

mike n ike: why

it's raining ben: stan has gone corrupted

jewish spice: how very right you are ben

** PRIVATE MESSAGE **

** its raining ben >>> aesthetic queen **

it's raining ben: “she shimmers in sunlight and flows into the night; the moonlight can only catch the surface of her fiery radiance”

aesthetic queen: omg that's so pretty!!

it's raining ben: aww thx

it's raining ben: i got a song idea while looking at all these pictures of sissy spacek when she was younger and I noticed that she looked a little like you and I just kinda

it's raining ben: started writing

aesthetic queen: aww ben you're so wonderful!

aesthetic queen: i think they're doing winona ryder double feature down at the old drive in theatre tomorrow night

it's raining ben: yeah I looked it up!!! girl interrupted and heathers im p sure

it's raining ben: pls can we go

aesthetic queen: IM ALWAYS A SLUT FOR WINONA RYDER

it's raining ben: jjjajhsh

it's raining ben: you're so adorable

aesthetic queen: you're the best

it's raining ben: <3

aesthetic queen: <3

** the losers club™ **

mike n ike: why have we never heard the story of how the fantastic four met

eddison: because it's kinda one hell of a story

billiam: eddie and i went to the same preschool and one day our teachers asked our whole class what ship the pilgrims came on and eddie yelled “CAULIFLOWER” as loud as he could and i snorted so hard milk came out of my nose

trash man: stan and i were in the same sunday school class and one day i was walking along the brick wall that cased in the garden all the kids played in

jewish spice: hehe this is a good story

trash man: this kid named james kept pulling my hair and so stan pushed him off the fucking wall

jewish spice: he ended up in the emergency room

trash man: then we became friends and the other synagogue moms started joking about “young love” and we Died

jewish spice: we died did confirm

trash man: i think stan was the first person to ever call me richie actually

eddison: anyways we all ended up in the same elementary school and richie and stan would sit in the far back where the teachers couldn't see them and we joined them one day when a third grader pulled bill’s skirt and he fell off the jungle gym

billiam: i decided recess wasn't for me lol

eddison: richie called me mary poppins and an iconic friend group was formed

aesthetic queen: yay I love that story

mike n ike: adorable

it's raining ben: claps

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we're all caught up!! Chapter 7 coming soon


	7. it's the end of the world as we know it (and i feel fine)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in this episode: epic dance moves, stan isn't allowed to drive, conspiracy theories, mother nature's little red delivery, and sexy halloween costumes

  
** the losers club™ **

eddison: [DROPKICK.mov]

it's raining ben: holy shit

jewish spice: that's so cool

aesthetic queen: omg is that richie singing?? he’s so good

billiam: that one guy must be strong as hell wow

mike n ike: that's the coolest thing

mike n ike: is that the death scene?

trash man: no that's the scene where i decide I'm gonna die

mike n ike: oh

mike n Ike: dark

trash man: yep

aesthetic queen: ok boyos it's time to make some fall break plans

aesthetic queen: the options are 1. stay in derry and rot 2. go camping 3. road trip to some random southern state since we haven't been down in natural heat for while

mike n ike: road trip road trip road trip

eddison: jesus does no one remember the last time we went on a road trip

jewish spice: yeah it was frickin hilarious

eddison: YOU GUYS LEFT ME AT THE REST STOP

mike n ike: but this time it's not just me and bev driving

mike n ike: because YOU ALL CAN DRIVE

trash man: except stan

jewish spice: yeah i failed my test four times

aesthetic queen: wtf stan how???

jewish spice: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

jewish spice: i am innocent

jewish spice: do not attack me

jewish spice: it's taken me a really long time to become comfortable with the fact that I'm a terrible driver and legally am not allowed to so please don't judge me

billiam: it's ok stan we still love you even if u can't drive

jewish spice: thenk u

trash man: ok i looked it up and the first place everyone suggests is charleston south carolina

billiam: uh no

it's raining ben: y

billiam: im banned from like four restaurants down there

billiam: and it's not very fun

billiam: and their ENTs are STUPID

aesthetic queen: looks like bill has some unresolved angst regarding charleston?

eddison: how the fuck are you banned from four different restaurants

billiam: next question

trash man: uhhh okay

trash man: next is fort mill/charlotte north carolina

aesthetic queen: looks fun

it's raining ben: oh fuck yeah look at the theme park

it's raining ben: and they have a ZOO

eddison: I wanna go to the children's museum and pretend to be a ten year old and that mike and beverly are my millennial parents like we did last time

aesthetic queen: oh that was hilarious

mike n ike: son

eddison: dad

jewish spice: ok guys i need 2 tell u something

aesthetic queen: yes

trash man: we r listening

jewish spice: ok so uh

billiam: STAN AND I ARE DATING!!!!

jewish spice: bill!!

jewish spice: stealing my thunder boi

billiam: sry

billiam: ily

mike n ike: YAY

it's raining ben: triple dates!!!

eddison:i think that's just hangouts that exclude mike?

mike n ike: (ง'̀-'́)ง

trash man: we all already knew but yay we love you guys!

jewish spice: wait what???

billiam: uh what

aesthetic queen: you guys love each other so much it's obvious

trash man: i also saw you guys kissing behind the school last week

jewish spice: oh.

billiam: shrug

jewish spice: i guess the ol’ secrets out now huh,,,,

eddison: we love you guys tho!!!

it's raining ben: hooray now we get to make another weird ship name

jewish spice: akdjskk

aesthetic queen: yes!!! ben and i are dear beverly hanscom

trash man: eddie and i are super smash bros

eddison: i NEVER agreed to that name

jewish spice: I feel so loved

jewish spice: what do I do with all of it

it's raining ben: EMBRACE IT

it's raining ben: EVERYONE SHOWER STAN AND BILL WITH LOVE AND AFFECTION

eddison: lord knows they deserve it

eddison: we love you guys

mike n ike: u guys rock I love u

aesthetic queen: my PARENTS

trash man: AGREED I LOVE MY PARENTS BILL AND STAN

billiam: i need a mug that says worlds best dad

jewish spice: i want a baseball hat that says that

mike n ike: #1 dads

trash man: daddy

aesthetic queen: jesus

jewish spice: can this chat just be soft positivity for one single solitary fucking day?

billiam: why richie

eddison: im breaking up w you

trash man: NO I'm sorry

eddison: ok good cause I'm quite comfortable

mike n ike: what's that supposed to mean

eddison: [gross.jpg]

aesthetic queen: SOFT

billiam: EDDIE ARE YOU IN MY ROOM

trash man: it's our room billothy

billiam: oh right

eddison: we've been laying here sharing conspiracy theories for an hour

eddison: mainly about where you were

trash man: but that's not really a question now is it ;)))))

billiam: uh fuck u

jewish spice: [hecannotskate.mov]

mike n ike: SJJJSJKAJJSJ

it's raining ben: bill you are so bad at skating

billiam: SHUT

billiam: STAN IM BREAKING UP W YOU

jewish spice: hmmst?

billiam: i h8 you

billiam: <3

billiam: eddie are you planning on staying the night

eddison: no my moms already lost her shit about me leaving

eddison: i turned her do not disturb on

jewish spice: jjjshjsj

it's raining ben: i am all ears for conspiracy theories which ones are you talking about

eddison: oh well the regular ones like moon landing was faked and jfk was killed by the government and bush did 9/11

trash man: but also some new ones like william henry harrison is a mech and currently hiding in the underground of the white house

eddison: and also all the members of team starkid are rebel warriors from the future sent to warn us about the dystopian future america is headed for and trying to prevent it

it's raining ben: amazing

it's raining ben: i can rly get behind the starkid one

billiam: how is the faarquad star squad

aesthetic queen: [powertrio.mov]

aesthetic queen: we were listening to music and candy store came on

jewish spice: that's amazing

trash man: I. LOVE. GEORGIE. DENBROUGH.

eddison: adorable!!!

** the losers club™ **

it's raining ben: WHERE THE FUCK ARE BILL AND RICHIE

trash man: hiding

mike n ike: guys!!! it's reflection day in english we need u

billiam: we convinced my mom to let us stay home

aesthetic queen: y

trash man: [dying.jpg]

it's raining ben: oh rip

billiam: apparently georgie's been keeping a secret stash of caramel fudge he gave some of to us tho

aesthetic queen: how much caramel fudge????

billiam: a lot

billiam: [swimming.jpg]

mike n ike: that's adorable

eddison: sad but adorable

jewish spice: poor children

it's raining ben: petition to smother bill and richie after school

billiam: IM ALWYS A SLUT FOR LOVE AND AFFECTION

trash man: YEAAAHB BOIII

billiam: right now we're being sad and watching dance moms

trash man: being sad and watching dance moms while mother nature rips us apart from the inside out

it's raining ben: turn that trash off

mike n ike: it's so mean

aesthetic queen: that lady is abusive

eddison: it doesn't accurately depict competition dance at all

billiam: oh and how would you know

eddison: i've been doing competition team since 7th grade???

billiam: touché

it's raining ben: i m gonna be paula abdul for halloween

jewish spice: PLEASE

trash man: that's amazing pls

eddison: lets all be iconic popstars

eddison: i call madonna

billiam: well i wanted to be the spice girls this year

trash man: there's seven of us bill

aesthetic queen: iM ginger spice obvi

mike n ike: SCARY SPICE IN DA HOUSE

trash man: i call posh spice!!!

jewish spice: ill be sporty spice

billiam: sigh

billiam: that leaves me with baby spice doesn't it

eddison: yay

billiam: update georgie just came in here with a "sexy shakespeare" costume in a catalogue

billiam: [sexyshakes.jpg]

it's raining ben: MY EYES

mike n ike: shakespeare would probably be proud actually

trash man: UPDATE: BILL DENBROUGH FOUND DEAD IN MIAMI

trash man: "lets order this for you for your birthday" - georgie, 2017

eddison: georgie has FANTASTIc fashion sense tbh

mike n ike: i trust we all remember the couture ensemble worn when we went to see beverly in grease

it's raining ben: uh those cars 2 crocs with the green hammer pants??? iconic

aesthetic queen: i denied knowing him

jewish spice: but there was no hiding

billiam: oh yeah I illegally recorded one of your songs from that show

aesthetic queen: WHAT TO HECK

billiam: yeah the one where you were like "boo hoo im a bitch and probably pregnant and a lot of people don't like me"

aesthetic queen: THATS ILLEGAL

aesthetic queen: i wanna see the video

billiam: [worsethings.mov]

jewish spice: hssjjaksj it's such bad quality

aesthetic queen: low quality recording of a high quality song

trash man: and a high quality actress

eddison: you really were the best person in that show

aesthetic queen: everyone else kept showing up to the theatre hungover sooo

billiam: lol the drama

it's raining ben: WILD  
 __

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so happy to be writing this fic and updating it again ahhhhhhhggggghhhhsdkanjfksnskskdjwhsms


	8. heyeyeyeyeyea i said HEY what's GOIN ON

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in this episode: angery eddie, richie gets the best present ever, and we need to fucking protect my son mike

** PRIVATE MESSAGE **

** trash man >>> billiam **

trash man: fuck dude where'd you go

billiam: not important i'll see u at school

trash man: you slept at stans didn't u

billiam: yeah

trash man: SCANDALOUS

billiam: oh screw off nothing happened

trash man: ;))))

billiam: im serious richie

billiam: it's not funny

trash man: it's okay eddie ended up sleeping over and nothing happened here soooo

billiam: what good honest kids we are

billiam: did you get georgie up

trash man: yeah he wanted to play overwatch but we were like "georgie you're a smart kid, that's why you skipped fifth grade, you should know there's no fucking time to play overwatch"

billiam: nnxndajkakd

billiam: poor kid

trash man: ikr

** the losers club™ **

mike n ike: how is everybody on this fucking day

billiam: after mother natures blood parade last week?? amazing

trash man: my cousin sent me this video of him and his friends dancing to starships at their homecoming and it's hilarious so p good

aesthetic queen: ben made me cupcakes

aesthetic queen: so I'm FUCKING FANTASTIC

it's raining ben: it was just a box cake mix, beverly just really likes cupcakes

aesthetic queen: you're GODDAMN RIGHT I DO

eddison: and you're not gonna share?

billiam: eddie we have recital in two days cupcakes make you sick

eddison: not the point

mike n ike: btw WHOS COMING TO RECITAL

trash man: YOU KNOW THE FUCK I AM

jewish spice: HECC YEA

it's raining ben: bev and I are bringing chocolates and flowers

billiam: awweee

trash man: no way I'm bringing flowers for eddie

jewish spice: and im bringing flowers for bill

aesthetic queen: well more for mike i guess

mike n ike: YEET

eddison: there is so much love in this chat

trash man: <3

billiam: stan im lov u ur gonna bring me flowers???

jewish spice: bill i love you sm of course I am

billiam: <3333

mike n ike: you guys are all so adorable it's amazing

trash man: and I feel love in this chili's tonight

eddison: you say that all the time, but you've never seen an episode of the office

aesthetic queen: richie what the fuck how could you

it's raining ben: youve NEVER seen the office?????

trash man: uhhhhhhhhhh gtg

aesthetic queen: why haven't you

trash man: i was just never able to get into it OKAY

billiam: yeah it's like me, I like parks and rec better and I havent seen a lot of the office

mike n ike: yeah I haven't watched it a lot either

eddison: I like some of the quotes but it was never my favorite I wasn't able to make myself watch a lot of it

jewish spice: I didn't know it was a thing until a few days ago when someone started watching it in physics and I was so bored I started watching behind their shoulder and they turned on the subtitles for me

billiam: bless

trash man: a true american hero

trash man: hey does anyone remember when mike was sexy lord faarquad for halloween

aesthetic queen: YES

eddison: ICONIC ICONIC ICONIC ICONIC

billiam: [beautiful.jpg]

jewish spice: the loml

billiam: :/

jewish spice: oh you know what I mean

mike n ike: i was amazing

mike n ike: who's ready for part two: sexy bill cipher

aesthetic queen: oh my GOD

trash man: i love

** PRIVATE MESSAGE **

** eddison >>> mike n ike **

eddison: soooooo

eddison: what did ur mom say

mike n ike: YEET

mike n ike: yes she said yes

eddison: YAY ok ill come over at like 5

mike n ike: yesssss

eddison: should i bring my own gloves

mike n ike: we have an excessive amount of gardening gloves at my house it's good

eddison: ok!

** the losers club™ **

billiam: ok guys we have some exciting news!!

mike n ike: oh us too but you first !

billiam: [smileyboy.jpg]

aesthetic queen: I've never seen richie look so happy about a sheet of paper???

it's raining ben: granted he looks adorable

eddison: AWW

eddison: does this have to do with the news???

jewish spice: yeah what's that paper

billiam: officiallé documents!

trash man: bc the denbroughs are officially my legal guardians!

aesthetic queen: THATS SO COOL

mike n ike: YAY

eddison: OMG CONGRATS

jewish spice: EXCITE

it's raining ben: YES CONGRATS

trash man: it's v exciting because it's one step closer to not having to go back to living with my parents!

trash man: this official looking lawyer guy says they can open up an investigation on my parents since I'm old enough to press charges but I mean as long as I don't have to stay with them they can die of alcohol poisoning for all I care

trash man: legal men scare me

billiam: [brothers???.jpg]

mike n ike: george looks so fucking happy

billiam: he is

billiam: ok ok ok ok mike what's ur news???

mike n ike: well it's not nearly as exciting as fucking that

mike n ike: but basically

mike n ike: eddie and i decided we're going to make a mini garden and grow stuff to take into the bangor homeless shelters and we were wondering if anyone wanted to help spread the word ?

aesthetic queen: that sounds so cool!!!!

jewish spice: I mean ur right it's not as exciting as bill and richies news

billiam: STAN.

jewish spice: but yes it's v cool

jewish spice: and I'd love to spread the word

trash man: count us in!

aesthetic queen: me too

it's raining ben: yes me too!

eddison: LOVE

eddison: it's not soon (esp with recital coming up for mike bill and i) but it's gonna be so cool!

trash man: george just said "make sure to keep evil clowns away" I Love This Boy

aesthetic queen: your brother???

trash man: well no cause they haven't adopted me

trash man: but I mean

trash man: shrug

** PRIVATE MESSAGE **

** jewish spice >>> billiam **

jewish spice: heya

jewish spice: did you know that

jewish spice: i love you

billiam: O.M.G.

billiam: i love you too

jewish spice: <3!!!!

billiam: <3!!!!!!!!

jewish spice: do you wanna go to the drive in later tonight??? i think they're playing one of the toy story movies so we can bring georgie with us

billiam: yah totally! if it's not we can ask richie to watch him since he doesn't have rehearsal tonight

jewish spice: is that safe???

billiam: LMAO yes

billiam: i can trust him

billiam: for now

** the losers club™ **

mike n ike: gosh i just love when i get called a prude and a f*g so everyone can laugh at me and tease me

trash man: alright who are we fighting

aesthetic queen: (ง'̀-'́)ง

mike n ike: no guys

eddison: mike

it's raining ben: who tf was it

mike n ike: im not letting you guys hurt anyone

mike n ike: it's fine

jewish spice: mike.

mike n ike: it was greta and sally

billiam: god i hate them they've been horrible since fucking elementary school

aesthetic queen: i don't understand them

trash man: she calls beverly a whore then she turns around and calls mike a prude

trash man: kinda ironic considering the fact that she just got her kid taken away from her

aesthetic queen: like yes i've dated 3/6 of you guys and i may or may not try to charm guys into buying me sodas but the only people who are allowed to call me a whore are myself and the other people in this gc

jewish spice: wait you've dated 3/6 of us

aesthetic queen: oh yeah

aesthetic queen: i dated richie throughout freshman and most of sophomore year and then bill and i dated for like two months then i started dating ben and I've never been happier

jewish spice: how did I never know this

eddison: noah fence stan but ur not the most observant

jewish spice: this is true

billiam: gayass

jewish spice: cool it denbrough

jewish spice: my ass may be gay but it's also fucking awesome

billiam: this is very true

billiam: AND NOT THE POINT OF THIS CONVERSATION

billiam: MIKE

billiam: DO WE HAVE PERMISSION DO FIGHT

mike n ike: NO GUYS

mike n ike: im not worth it

jewish spice: MIKE HANLON I FUCKING DARE YOU TO SAY THAT AGAIN

trash man: MIKE WHERE TF ARE YOU

mike n ike: uhh dutch class

trash man: we gaan met ze vechten

trash man: achter een payless schoenen

mike n ike: your obvious use of google translate terrifies me

trash man: im fucking sorry i speak spanish not dutch!

mike n ike: and also NO you guys im not gonna be responsible for anyone getting hurt or in trouble

mike n ike: aren't we always saying "be a lover, not a fighter" ???

eddison: im so tired of sitting in the background letting them bully us though !

eddison: the day bill and i met ben it was at the barrens because he was running away from henry bowers and his gang

eddison: i got punched upside the head that day for not knowing where he went and bill's arm almost got broken

eddison: and then henry actually DID break my arm

eddison: greta and sally laugh at us and call us names and everyone just laughs

eddison: she threw richie's glasses out the fucking third story window and we never heard anything about it ever again !

eddison: she constantly calls beverly a whore for no reason and now she's calling mike a prude and it's fucking bullshit

eddison: it's ridiculous and im so done!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like this chapter! I love mike with my whole ass heart and so this is v important to me


	9. yeah you know this boys got his free taco

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in this episode: suspension, teddy bears, fake eddies, dancing, and More™

** the losers club™ **

aesthetic queen: so how long is your suspension?

eddison: 3 days

billiam: it's so stupid

mike n ike: i told you guys not to do anything.

eddison: my mom is so mad

eddison: and i don't fucking care

eddison: but im grounded for a week now so

eddison: worth it

jewish spice: what exactly did you do

billiam: yeah cause i know for a fact you didn't try to hurt greta or sally

eddison: uh

trash man: OH GOD

it's raining ben: EDDIE WHAT DID YOU DO

eddison: i didn't hurt them

eddison: i did put open paint cans in their lockers

it's raining ben: WHAT THE FUCK

jewish spice: akskdkakrjsmns EDDIE

billiam: THATS FUCKING AMAZING

aesthetic queen: what I don't understand is how they caught you

eddison: oh I wasn't very sneaky at all

eddison: it's called a nail file and disregard for security cameras

eddison: i knew I was probably getting caught i just didn't care

** PRIVATE MESSAGE **

** jewish spice >>> mike n ike **

jewish spice: hey u okay?

jewish spice: you just ran out of apush

mike n ike: i feel like it's my fault eddie's suspended i didn't want him to do anything stupid

jewish spice: okay come on we all know that's not it

jewish spice: we do stupid shit all the time come on

jewish spice: remember when we built a dam in the barrens and then we got yelled at for backing up the entire derry sewage system

jewish spice: you don't have to tell me what's up but I'm worried abt you

mike n ike: i know we do stupid shit all the time but no one ever does stupid shit for me

mike n ike: and I feel rly bad cause it feels nice

mike n ike: that you guys would risk getting in trouble for me

jewish spice: mikeyyyyy

jewish spice: we will ALWAYS do stupid shit for you

jewish spice: you are an integral member of this group

jewish spice: and not just because you're the only one who's visibly poc

mike n ike: lmao

mike n ike: but seriously like

mike n ike: thank you <3

mike n ike: i feel like people think im a robot who's incapable of emotion sometimes

mike n ike: i don't i just dont fall in love with people

jewish spice: mike we all know that's not true you're a giant teddy bear and we love you

mike n ike: :)

jewish spice: so are you gonna come back to apush? or do I need to follow you

mike n ike: no lol i'll be fine i'll be back in a couple minutes

** the losers club™ **

trash man: yo who wants to take out the FUCKIN GARBAGE

eddison: me ;)

trash man: you sly fucker

eddison: honestly if I sneak out I can meet up with you guys

aesthetic queen: YEET

mike n ike: richie what did that first text even mean

trash man: i was thinking abt that vine

it's raining ben: oh yeah

billiam: i wish i was at home

aesthetic queen: SAME

it's raining ben: my house is so boring my mom watches golden girls in the living room and cries over postcards from her sister and that's all she ever does

mike n ike: my dad doesn't want to let go of my childhood so sometimes we play catch in the yard but I bake with my mom a lot

trash man: oh my god speaking of baking

trash man: mike can i do your makeup after school

mike n ike: YES PLEASE

jewish spice: wait can you do mine too

billiam: wait and me pls

trash man: ok all of you guys come over and I'll do all of your makeup

aesthetic queen: YES

it's raining ben: EDDIE CAN YOU SNEAK OUT AND JOIN US

eddison: i'll try

eddison: if i make a fake eddie out of clothes i probably can the only time my mom isn't bothering me is when im asleep

jewish spice: JJJAJSK

eddison: [eddieversion2.jpg]

eddison: i am a true engineer

trash man: looks p accurate

billiam: i think it's too big

jewish spice: you think everything is too big because you're scrawny bill

mike n ike: makes the nickname big bill a lot more amusing

trash man: i saw an old man trip and fall

aesthetic queen: HEY what a fucking idiot

eddison: [RUNNING.jpg]

eddison: you people make me make bad decisions

jewish spice: sneaking out is a really bad idea honestly

eddison: wow stan great insight after I've already bolted out my window

eddison: wait a minute school isn't out for another half hour

mike n ike: rip

trash man: get fucked

eddison: the hell am i supposed to do

eddison: im not going down to the barrens by myself that's for fuckin sure

jewish spice: uh DONT

it's raining ben: eddie finna get SNATCHED

billiam: the evil clowns from george's storybook are about to fucking murder you

eddison: oh they won't be the thing to kill me

eddison: you fuckers don't know about my

eddison: ~{suicidal tendencies}~

aesthetic queen: AJRBJAKEIWJ

jewish spice: why do I relate

billiam: relatable™

it's raining ben: honestly

mike n ike: god

trash man: this is so sad we all relate

it's raining ben; it's because we all hate ourselves

mike n ike: but we love each other too much

aesthetic queen: our fucking squad name is the losers club™

aesthetic queen: we all hate ourselves

aesthetic queen: sometimes ironically and sometimes unironically

mike n ike: we're all incredible and hate ourselves at the same time that's why the dance move the death drop is a thing it was made for us

eddison: i wonder if someone can die from dancing too hard

jewish spice: oh NO MY FRIEND DIED FROM YESSING TOO HARD

aesthetic queen: IAKDNAMMFNWMDNF

eddison: WE NEED TO SAVE KIKI

eddison has changed their name to kiki.

jewish spice changed their name to james precious.

james precious: i have to BELIEVE IN THE YES

kiki: the YES CAN CURE EVERYTHING

aesthetic queen: when the fuck did you two get lost in 2007

james precious: ok bitch i see how it is

mike n ike: this is stan's true form

trash man: stan's gone full twink

kiki: STAN IS A TWINK

james precious: EXCUSE YOU I AM A TWUNK

james precious: ITS A COMBINATION TWINK AND HUNK

billiam: god i wanna fucking shoot myself

james precious: i want you to shoot me first

kiki: if anyone here is a twink it's fucking richie

trash man: it's actually you eddie

kiki: you know what u right u right

kiki has changed their name to eddison.

james precious: how can you have given up the THRUST eddie

billiam: stan im breaking up with you

james precious has changed their name to jewish spice.

jewish spice: i apologize

eddison: well this twink is 900 percent ready to go hang out with his friends

eddison: im actually rly scared of going back to my house bc i just know my moms gonna find out

billiam: im gonna convince my parents to adopt you too

billiam: you're all getting adopted by my family

aesthetic queen: my aunt would adopt some of you too

mike n ike: my parents probably couldn't adopt you since we have to take care of my grandfather but they're totally okay if you need to stay at our house

eddison: I love you guys

jewish spice: my parents probably wouldn't fucking care if I left tbh

it's raining ben: my mom would care if someone told her but she probably would be too busy to notice i was gone

trash man: my parents literally don't give a fuck they're probably glad to be rid of me

billiam: well we're glad you're out of that fuckass house now too

** the losers club™ **

aesthetic queen: I want taco bell

billiam: same????

mike n ike: blease

eddison: guys no

eddison: bad idea

mike n ike: oh yeah

billiam: dammit

trash man: well why can't we go after recital

mike n ike: bc it's tradition to go to that shady Italian restaurant!!

trash man: o shit u right

jewish spice: why don't bev, ben, richie, and i get some before we go to the theatre

jewish spice: everyone's happy and we can owe the other three later

billiam: ur goddamn right u owe us

** PRIVATE MESSAGE **

** eddison >>> trash man **

eddison: [????.jpg]

trash man: ADORABLE

trash man: I LOVE YOU

trash man: [yeahyouknowthisboysgothisfreetaco.jpg]

eddison: u even look cute while eating

eddison: big chungo would be proud

trash man: look in ur bag

eddison: RICHIE

eddison: That's Adorable

eddison: he's wearing a costume???

eddison: I can't believe my son is here to support me!

eddison: [loveofmylife.jpg]

trash man: we need to edit me in for a family photo

eddison: I'm on it

trash man: ben looked over my shoulder and said "wow I think Eddie and richie are actually beating us for mushiest couple, bev"

eddison: WE'RE BEATING BEN AND BEV???? HUZZAH

** the losers club™ **

aesthetic queen: I've said it once and I'll say it again

aesthetic queen: you guys were amazing tonight

jewish spice: it was a little hard to see since georgie was in my lap the whole night but YEA you guys were so amazing

it's raining ben: RIGHT I'm so proud of you guys

billiam: THX

mike n ike: I LOVE YOU GUYS

billiam: beep beep where's the cheesy fuckers???

it's raining ben: probably making out somewhere or vandalizing something

mike n ike: you know what

mike n ike: that's probably what they're doing

aesthetic queen: ugh gross

aesthetic queen: what happened to couples just cuddling and discussing conspiracy theories

mike n ike: young love beverly I'm sure you and ben have ignored your friends to make out before

it's raining ben: CHOKES

aesthetic queen: yeah but like

aesthetic queen: it's different

billiam: well I'm gonna come right out (haha) and say it

billiam: is it because they're gay??

aesthetic queen: maybe??? Idk

aesthetic queen: I know that sounds terrible

jewish spice: yeah it kinda does

jewish spice: but you know what

jewish spice: it's okay

billiam: understandable actually for where we live

billiam: it's something that sometimes people have to learn and that's okay

aesthetic queen: now I feel really really bad like I've offended you guys

trash man: to answer the question we were eating ice cream on the childhood playground we used to take georgie to

trash man: but bev it's okay it's not offensive to us

eddison: yeah to some people it would be but considering that we live in a town that seems to live 30 years behind the rest of the world and that you lived with that brainwashing asshat of a dad for thirteen years

eddison: it's not that horrible

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Internalized homophobia? I don't like it but it's important to be nice to people who are trying to unlearn social standards that have been perpetuated for years and years and that's why the boys are understanding of and going to help beverly
> 
> ALSO QUESTION: I have a hilarious story idea and I wanna know if you guys would read it  
> It's a Stanlon college AU where Stan and Mike are students at the same university and both work at the school library and they hit it off really well  
> Stan is a zoology major and Mike is a history major  
> The funny thing is, Stan's emphasis is on ornithology (he's a birdwatcher) and Mike has ornithophobia (pennywise first appeared to him as a giant metallic bird)  
> Shenanigans ensue. Would that be a good story idea??


	10. must it all be either less or more

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in this episode: making out, deer solo, and kosher soap

** the losers club™ **

eddison: feature me as the new gavroche in les mis on broadway

eddison: dying prematurely

jewish spice: les mis closed in 2016

eddison: and megamind isn't sexy

eddison: we're all liars I guess

it's raining ben: eddie go look it up

eddison: oh

trash man: is NO ONE going to mention that eddie just said that megamind was sexy

aesthetic queen: I'm actually incredibly worried

eddison: uh

eddison: not important

mike n ike: eddie we care about you

_eddison has left the group chat._

billiam: AJJFKWKRNKRJDEKKSA

aesthetic queen: IM ACTUALLY ABOUT TO DIE

trash man: in other news

trash man: guess who's dying because it's tech week

billiam: do you need tacobell

jewish spice: you fuck you just want makeup tacobell for what you missed on recital night

trash man: no actually I kind of want real food that someone makes

aesthetic queen: maybe you guys can come over to me and my aunts house and we can have a dinner of real home cooked food

trash man: honestly that'd be amazing I've been living off of fast food for a week and a half

aesthetic queen: awesome I'll ask

billiam: what night are we going again

mike n ike: saturday

jewish spice: so anyways

jewish spice: eddie if you would please enlighten us on why you're dying

jewish spice: oh wait

it's raining ben: jesus christ someone add eddie back to the goddamn chat

_billiam added eddison to the chat._

eddison: i swear mike paid me to eat the soap

jewish spice: eddie why are you dying

billiam: wait WHAT

aesthetic queen: MIKE

mike n ike: I did Nothing

it's raining ben: stan richie is soap kosher

jewish spice: i don't fucking know

trash man: but we know why eddie's dying now

eddison: im actually dying because my mom was yelling at the tv because an ad came on against the discriminatory lgbt license

eddison: "we need to stop teaching children that gay is okay"

aesthetic queen: vomit

eddison: IM GONNA FIGHT

eddison: I just said "well there shouldn't be anything that allows people to discriminate against others"

eddison: and she goes "you shouldn't hang out with Thalia so much, she's putting ideas into your head"

eddison: HIS NAME IS RICHIE AND HES MY GODDAMN BOYFRIEND MOM

eddison: i wanna cry

trash man: eddie ive been dealing with that shit for years don't bother

trash man: the last thing we need is another one of us getting kicked out of our house

eddison: i just

eddison: hate it a lot

** PRIVATE MESSAGE **

** billiam >>> trash man **

billiam: richard ricardo tozier don't you dare try to run away again

trash man: im on the porch I'm fine

trash man: just wanted some air

billiam: i know it's getting to you it's getting to me a little bit too

billiam: it's gonna be fine

billiam: would you like me to join you

trash man: not really i'd rather be by myself

billiam: okay but im just upstairs

trash man: i know

** the losers club™ **

aesthetic queen: im ready for fall break

it's raining ben: I was about to say something along the lines of "same" but then the full house theme song came on and I immediately stopped caring about anything else

it's raining ben: [EVERYWHEREYOULOOK.mov]

mike n ike: i feel like ben is the embodiment of that song from crazy ex girlfriend about being bisexual

trash man: he literally wore a bi flag as a cape last year on that one day during spirit week

it's raining ben: [itdonttakeanintelectual.gif]

jewish spice: ben hanscom is my one and only bi idol

trash man: EXCUSE ME

jewish spice: i stand by my words

billiam: stan wya rn

jewish spice: dying

jewish spice: no im studying for the health test

billiam: wanna meet at the barrens and study together cause I forgot it was happening and I know you get distracted by that weird clown doll your grandma won't let you take out of your room

jewish spice: it's SO WEIRD

jewish spice: but yes that sounds good

eddison: alright nobody else go to the barrens because bill and stan are sucking face there

jewish spice: shut the fuck up

eddison: you all know it's true

** PRIVATE MESSAGE **

** billiam >>> jewish spice **

billiam: DAMN

billiam: that may have been my entire intent but eddie didn't need to come for me like that

jewish spice: JWKRJWKJSNWMEJJW

jewish spice: poor fuckign kid

jewish spice: he doesn't know

billiam: doesn't know what

jewish spice: HE JUST

jewish spice: HE DOESNT KNOW

billiam: so smart

billiam: how are you ever a grade below the rest of us

jewish spice: it's actually because my immune system hates me

billiam: this is very true

billiam: im almost at the barrens

jewish spice: im here

billiam: xx

** the losers club™ **

mike n ike: god when will someone end my life

aesthetic queen: mike we love you too much

trash man: the only way we will end your life is by smothering you with affection

mike n ike: im claustrophobic nooooo

eddison: wait you are

mike n ike: no

mike n ike: I'm not claustrophobic lmao

mike n ike: im ornithophobic

mike n ike: extreme fear of birds

mike n ike: makes the fact that my best friend is obsessed with birds really suck

eddison: mike can we do a duet to the final song from chicago next year

mike n ike: BLEASE

trash man: eddie and mike are roxie and velma

trash man: they're not but that's very funny

eddison: im gonna be an oompa loompa in my solo next year

aesthetic queen: "I WANT TO BE AN OOMPA LOOMPA. TAKE ME TO THEM SO THE DEED MAY BE DONE."

mike n ike: are you serious

eddison: no lmao

it's raining ben: eddie can you PLEASE do a revamped version of the deer solo from the fourth grade

eddison: NO

aesthetic queen: what's the deer solo

eddison: I DID A POINTE SOLO DRESSED AS A DEER WHEN I WAS NINE AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT

it's raining ben: idk what he's on it was good

eddison: I DIED AT THE END

eddison: I GOT SHOT

trash man: AKDNAKDNWKSKD I REMEMBER THAT NUMBER

trash man: IT WAS FUCKING AMAZING

aesthetic queen: every day I learn more that eddie is not the soft boye we think he is

aesthetic queen: he's like a little devil

eddison: EXCUSE ME

eddison: STAN is the only one who is constantly preaching softness but he's down at the barrens making out with his boyfriend

eddison: and see he's not even gonna defend himself

mike n ike: that's because he's down at the barrens making out with his boyfriend eddie

aesthetic queen: we don't slutshame in this chat

trash man: remember that time I jokingly called mike a slut because I was referencing the after ever after song then when mike laughed and went to go tell ***** she came up to me and screamed at me about slutshaming

mike n ike: I THOUGHT THE JOKE WAS SO FUNNY AND SHE GOT SO MAD

it's raining ben: I love the bleeping of her name

aesthetic queen: things that have not been answered today: why Eddie thinks megamind is sexy, whether soap is kosher, what bill and stan are actually doing at the barrens, and why eddie got shot at the end of his deer solo

eddison: most of these are about me

eddison: i feel victimized

trash man: no i also wanna know why mike PAID eddie to eat soap

mike n ike: i ve said it before and I'll say it again

mike n ike: I know nothing

it's raining ben: ain't that the truth

mike n ike: ben I'm about to fight you

trash man: [onherwayyyyyy.mov]

trash man: so im driving to rehearsal

aesthetic queen: on her WAYYYYYYYYYY

aesthetic queen: she's on her WAAAAAYY

aesthetic queen: and SO AM I

mike n ike: richie for lord faarquad 2017

trash man: BIG MOOD

it's raining ben: and now I'm about to fight mike smh

mike n ike: wait richie since when do you have a car

trash man: it's bill's dads he lets me use it when I have to go to rehearsal at the performance space since it's like 45 minutes away

** PRIVATE MESSAGE  
eddison >>> trash man **

eddison: henlo

trash man: lol hi

eddison: i have an idea

eddison: after your rehearsal you should come watch parks and rec with me

trash man: eddie it's gonna be like 11 and your mom hates me I'm gonna have to sneak in

eddison: you think i don't realize that

trash man: damn

trash man: I'll have to drop the car back home and bike to your house but sure

eddison: I've only been making bad decisions since I met these fuckers you've ruined me

** the losers club™ **

jewish spice: YOU GUYS SUCK

billiam: making assumptions. Smh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol guess who's choreographer for beauty and the beast in a different school district and just found out she has a dance competition the same weekend as the shows performances
> 
> I need to get my shit together I'm almost 16 smh
> 
> Also I'm gonna advertise here: I found an amazing Stranger Things Fic called Right Side Up: Sweet Dreams Are Made of This and it's by midas_touch_of_angst and if I could link it I would it's so good y'all


	11. either plain or grand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in this episode: spring returning, all we see is sky for forever, and lunch lady gertrude

** PRIVATE MESSAGE **

** eddison >>> aesthetic queen **

eddison: i am gods number one mistake

eddison: im very stupid and I do a lot of stupid things

eddison: and i wish I could crawl into a hole forever

eddison: and not speak to anyone ever again

aesthetic queen: eddie what's wrong

eddison: im sobbing in the bathroom because I messed up

aesthetic queen: what'd you do???

aesthetic queen: eddie it's gonna be okay what's wrong

aesthetic queen: eddie !!!

** help eddie 2k17 **

** aesthetic queen >>> trash man, jewish spice, it's raining ben, mike n ike, billiam **

aesthetic queen: guys do any of you know what's wrong with eddie?

it's raining ben: we were talking about brain development in psychology and children inadvertently adopting their parents habits no matter their feelings towards them

it's raining ben: he suddenly started talking about becoming a terrible person like his mom and starting ranting like "im gonna be terrible to my future kids and keep calling bill and richie the wrong names and start being really inconsiderate and I won't even know I'm doing it" and I had to calm him down

billiam: he gets ahead of himself and nitpicks on everything he says

billiam: my theory is that all that medicine his mom makes him take makes him even more anxious

jewish spice: uh it probably is

aesthetic queen: oh

aesthetic queen: he's losing his shit in a bathroom somewhere maybe someone should find him

billiam: I'll do it im the one he's most worried of pissing off

billiam: mole come with me for moral support

trash man: mole

it's raining ben: mole

aesthetic queen: mole???

mike n ike: mole at ur service

billiam: you guys suck you know that

jewish spice: my best friend, mole

billiam: mike are you coming or not

mike n ike: yeah im coming

aesthetic queen: pls help the kid

** the losers club™ **

eddison: thanks guys

eddison: im just

eddison: i get really worried sometimes

jewish spice: oh trust me we know

eddison: jkkjjjajsjssjsjjd

eddison: god

trash man: guys it's opening night aahsjakdkakfkallsss

jewish spice: WE BELIEVE IN YOU RICH

mike n ike: ur going to be amazing

aesthetic queen: WE LOVE YOU!!!!!!!

** the losers club™ **

jewish spice: on the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me

jewish spice: some fucking dear evan hansen tickets

trash man: GOD same

trash man: wait stan we don't celebrate christmas

trash man: you know what

trash man: never mind

trash man: it doesn't matter

** PRIVATE MESSAGE **

** billiam >>> eddison **

billiam: im getting an idea

billiam: u feelin me

billiam: are

billiam: are u pickin up what im puttin down

eddison: i assume so

eddison: yes

billiam: perfect

** the losers club™ **

jewish spice: hey guys is anyone down to let me stay over after the show tonight

aesthetic queen: yeah you can stay at my place what's wrong

jewish spice: my parents they just

jewish spice: I told them two weeks ago and reminded them often that I was going to see richie in the show tonight and when I reminded them again they got in a fight over it

jewish spice: they said if I wanted to spend the night without them I need to find somewhere to spend the weekend without them

trash man: why are everyone's parents garbage

eddison: we live in the most hick ass town in the north everyone's racist and homophobic that's why

mike n ike: !

billiam: why don't we have another bad movie night all together

aesthetic queen: oh so someone's gonna bootleg richies performance

trash man: bite me marsh

aesthetic queen: i would but you're so salty id probably contract a blood pressure disorder

jewish spice: holy hell

jewish spice: but yes a bad movie night sounds fantastic

it's raining ben: my mom bought that adam sandler movie where he's a set of twins because it looked "interesting" we can watch that

eddison: you had me at adam sandler

trash man: you had me at your mom

mike n ike: i want to be buried alive

aesthetic queen: same

trash man: im so excited for eddie, ben, stan, and bill to come to my show tonight!

it's raining ben: JEJSKDKSKLS

mike n ike: jesus

aesthetic queen: that's fine I didn't want to go to a bop

aesthetic queen: okay that text is cancelled bloody autocorrected to bop I'm breaking up with ben

it's raining ben: what does this have to do with me

aesthetic queen: you say bop so much that's why my phone automatically autocorrected it

eddison: everyone here is a mess

trash man: agree

jewish spice: agree

** the losers club™ **

mike n ike: IM FUCKING SCREAMING

billiam: SAME SAME SAME SAMEx96000

it's raining ben: holy fucking shit richie you're amazing

aesthetic queen: RT

eddison: I'm so speechless tbh

jewish spice: where the fuck did that come from

trash man: you guys suck!!!

trash man: <333333

trash man: hope y'all are ready to cry in act 2

it's raining ben: oh god

aesthetic queen: i was already cryin

billiam: you still are lmao that's why you left to go to the bathroom

** PRIVATE MESSAGE **

** eddison >>> aesthetic queen **

eddison: hey buddy

eddison: u ok?

aesthetic queen: honestly

aesthetic queen: not really

aesthetic queen: it just

aesthetic queen: y'know

aesthetic queen: hits rly close to home for me

eddison: i get it

eddison: <3

eddison: you still in the bathroom? want me to come find you?

aesthetic queen: no

aesthetic queen: i wanna be alone

aesthetic queen: if that's okay

eddison: that's fine

** the losers club™ **

mike n ike: mister richie

mike n ike: MISTER RICHIE

mike n ike: oh my fuckin god he fuckin dead

trash man: Wkejnskajrj

jewish spice: SAME

it's raining ben: honestly

jewish spice: no hetero but I'm highkey in love with the girl playing wendla

billiam: id be offended but honestly same

trash man: omg that's yafeu she's such a sweetheart

trash man: even after the director called her waifu 39487 times

billiam: pony waifu?

eddison: NO WE ARE NOT BRINGING THAT BACK

eddison: NO

eddison: STOP

jewish spice: WHY DOES EVERYTHING IN THIS CHAT HAVE TO FALL THE FUCK APART

** the losers club™ **

it's raining ben: boi where tf are you!!

trash man: calm your tits I'm talking to ppl!

trash man: what if stefan karl was here and I got ushered out by you so I couldn't talk to you

mike n ike: o no we would never stop you from talking to unproblematic grandpa

aesthetic queen: yeah no bad movie is too important to miss out on stefan karl

it's raining ben: ^^^

trash man: ok I'm ready let's go watch a bad adam sandler movie

eddison: all adam sandler movies are bad

jewish spice: how dare you disrespect 50 first dates in this way

eddison: U RIGHT U RIGHT

billiam: uh bedtime stories???

jewish spice: bedtime stories is shit

billiam: it's okay...

mike n ike: damn aggressive stanley

jewish spice: im unappreciated in my time

** the losers club™ **

billiam: HAPPY MONDAY EVERYONE

mike n ike: o what is so happy about monday

aesthetic queen: monday is the day when lunch lady gertrude gives bill not shit food in exchange for a makeout session behind the school

billiam: I RESENT THAT

aesthetic queen: but you're not denying it

billiam: IM DENYING IT RIGHT NOW

eddison: aNyways

eddison: this particular monday is a special one

billiam: yes

billiam: you remember how we r planning on going to north carolina next week

trash man: uh yeah

it's raining ben: yeah why

eddison: change of plans we're not going to nc

aesthetic queen: uh why???

mike n ike: what why

billiam: because we worked some stuff out and my parents got through to all of yours and

eddison: we're actually going to nyc to see three broadway shows

trash man: WHAT THE HYUCK!!!!!!!!!

it's raining ben: SERIOUSLY

billiam: yes in-deedly!

aesthetic queen: IM GONNA FUCKING CRY

jewish spice: omg!!!

it's raining ben: what r we seeing???

eddison: we r seeing uh

billiam: this ragtag group of sad maine teens is going to see phantom, book of mormon, AND dear evan hansen

eddison: we r also gonna see if we can snag cancellation tickets for kinky boots one day

trash man: HOLY SHIT

jewish spice: that'd cost like way over 3,000 dollars for all those tickets how the hell

billiam: magic

jewish spice: good enough for me

jewish spice: ITS LIT

it's raining ben: no stan

it's raining ben: we're all lit but there's no need to say it out loud

aesthetic queen: HONESTLY

** PRIVATE MESSAGE **

** it's raining ben >>> aesthetic queen **

it's raining ben: hey where'd you go you just disappeared

aesthetic queen: im outside

it's raining ben: bev

aesthetic queen: I'm sorry

aesthetic queen: i know I said I'd stop and I was doing great but after Saturday I kinda... failed

aesthetic queen: I've already gone through a pack and a half and it's been two days

it's raining ben: bev!

it's raining ben: you were so good for months

aesthetic queen: I'm sorry

aesthetic queen: I know I'm rly disgusting

it's raining ben: you're not

it's raining ben: it's something we're gonna work for okay

aesthetic queen: yeah

it's raining ben: okay.

it's raining ben: love you

aesthetic queen: you too

** the losers club™ **

mike n ike: I love gardening

eddison: the losers equivalent of "I love bread"

mike n ike: KJfnakkfjs

jewish spice: mike IS oprah

mike n ike: you're goddamn right I am

billiam: that makes ben dolly parton

it's raining ben: LIT

jewish spice: can i be tina fey

trash man: i give it a yes

trash man: so I can be amy poehler

jewish spice: AMAZING

jewish spice: also fuck you ben you came at me for saying lit the other day

jewish spice: hypocrite

it's raining ben: I see that I have made mistakes in the past,,,

billiam: so who am I

eddison: bill ur taylor swift

billiam: aw damn

eddison: beverly is maddie ziegler

aesthetic queen: aw yeah

jewish spice: eddie is queen lea michele

trash man: is she really a queen tho?

jewish spice: YES SHE IS FUCK OFF

trash man: WOW okay then

eddison: im so honored

** PRIVATE MESSAGE **

** trash man >>> it's raining ben **

trash man: hoe where are you!!!

trash man: I'm BORED and Mr Ramirez won't stop telling me i suck

trash man: bennnnnn

trash man: benny boyyyy

** PRIVATE MESSAGE **

** mike n ike >>> it's raining ben **

mike n ike: dude bro wya

mike n ike: it's lonely

mike n ike: richie is trying to spin coins on his nose

mike n ike: actually he looks like he's about to swallow one gtg

** the losers club™ **

aesthetic queen: uh guys

aesthetic queen: I just got off the phone with bens mom

aesthetic queen: she said he collapsed

aesthetic queen: he was admitted to the hospital last night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so I guess stan is a 100% certified Lea Michele stan now


	12. is it always "or", is it never "and"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this episode: MA BOY BEN, konky, and I stole a subplot from glee
> 
> ¡¡¡¡¡TW for mention of bulimia and eating disorders please be wary!!!!!

** PRIVATE MESSAGE **

** trash man >>> billiam **

trash man: has there been any update?

billiam: they're currently trying to balance out the body fluid

billiam: there's also lots of symptoms of acid reflux disease and they are doing their best to help

trash man: oh jesus

trash man: any idea on how long it'd been happening?

billiam: they think a month

trash man: good god

trash man: I feel really terrible

billiam: it's none of your fault

billiam: it's not any of our faults actually

billiam: but we need to do our best to help

trash man: right of course

billiam: did you pick up george?

trash man: yes we're home waiting for parental units

trash man: idk if I should tell him

billiam: you should he should know

trash man: he's gonna wanna come to the hospital with me

trash man: he loves ben like he's his only brother

trash man: and that's saying something because we're his actual brothers

billiam: not the point rich

billiam: anyways just tell him the truth

billiam: he can't be too overwhelmed

trash man: ok

** the losers club™ **

trash man: I'm on my way now

trash man: any news?

aesthetic queen: he's slowly waking up

aesthetic queen: the other boys are in the waiting room I'll let you know when you can come in

trash man: ok

** the losers club™ **

aesthetic queen: ok probably a few minutes and you can come back

aesthetic queen: doctor said it's not too far so he should be okay but they should see if it's bulimia

eddison: oh no

eddison: are they sure he's gonna be okay???

eddison: derry medical practitioners are not really the highest on my trust list for obvious reasons

aesthetic queen: ha yeah they said they're sure he'll be alright after some medicine

aesthetic queen: they said he's lucky

billiam: he is

billiam: some people end up with their teeth melting

** PRIVATE MESSAGE **

** mike n ike >>> jewish spice **

mike n ike: u okay?

mike n ike: ur really quiet

jewish spice: im okay

jewish spice: it's not important

mike n ike: you can talk to me

mike n ike: want me to go get bill? he's outside waiting for richie

jewish spice: no no no please

jewish spice: don't do that

jewish spice: i just

jewish spice: I'm worried about ben

mike n ike: I think we all are

mike n ike: that's why we've been in the hospital for an hour haha

jewish spice: yeah ha

jewish spice: just

jewish spice: nvm

mike n ike: what?

jewish spice: well i had an ed when i was younger because my mom always made me eat so much and that's the same thing bens mom does so I don't want the same thing to happen to him

mike n ike: he'll be okay

mike n ike: I promise

mike n ike: and so will you

jewish spice: I hope so

mike n ike: well I know so

** the losers club™ **

aesthetic queen: okay he's awake

aesthetic queen: and breathing okay

aesthetic queen: I think you can come back now

eddison: thank god

billiam: we're coming back now ok

** the losers club™ **

aesthetic queen: ok so good news!

aesthetic queen: it's not bulimia, but he developed a likeliness to throw up because apparently his mom was making him overeat on accident

trash man: if it was an accident

jewish spice: richie hush

aesthetic queen: he's being put on new plan and will probably be let out Thursday

aesthetic queen: aaaand

aesthetic queen: he's most likely still gonna be allowed to come to new york with us next week!!!

eddison: yay!!!!

mike n ike: oh yes!!

billiam: YES

aesthetic queen: ok so richie ur gonna bring georgie after school tomorrow

trash man: yeos

aesthetic queen: gr8

aesthetic queen: everything is turnin out sunny side up

eddison: please no don't

trash man: SUNNY SIDE UP IS IMPORTANT TO ME

trash man: EGGS ARE THE THING THAT ALLOW ME TO BE

trash man: HAPPY AND DAPPY AND ALL AFLOAT

jewish spice: DON'T PUT ANY OTHER EGGS DOWN MY THROAT

trash man: I GOT THE EARTH ON MY SIDE AND JUICE IN MY CUP

jewish spice: JUST BRING ME MY EGGS

billiam: SUNNY SIDE UP

jewish spice: SUNNY SIDE UP

eddison: say that

aesthetic queen: what the fuck

aesthetic queen: what the FUCK

aesthetic queen: IN THE NAME OF THE GOOD LORD WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED

eddison: I...

eddison: ...I was in a commercial when I was younger

eddison: and

eddison: I sang a little song

aesthetic queen: oh my god

billiam: one sec i'll find a link

eddison: NO

billiam: [sunnysideup.mov]

eddison: this is why god abandoned us

aesthetic queen: this is amazing

eddison: THIS IS WHY GOD ABANDONED US

jewish spice: actually god abandoned us when mike was born

mike n ike: the FUCK

jewish spice: you were the first of the losers

jewish spice: you're the eldest

mike n ike: oh true

** PRIVATE MESSAGE **

** billiam >>> jewish spice **

billiam: hey since i don't have a georgie or a richie to worry abt tomorrow do you want to go out after school???

billiam: we can make up last weeks dinner

jewish spice: i can't sry

jewish spice: i told richie id go with him to see ben

billiam: oh :( boo

jewish spice: i promise ill make it up tho!! and we won't miss dinner this week i promise

billiam: okay i love you :)))

jewish spice: you too ;)

billiam: SPICY

jewish spice: THATS MY NAME PLEASE USE IT AS MUCH AS YOU CAN I CRAVE POSITIVE ATTENTION

billiam: WILL DO BABE

** the losers club™ **

eddison: my mom is trying to back out of the new york trip uuuuugghhhhhh

mike n ike: im gonna fuckin fight your mom

it's raining ben: ditto for me

aesthetic queen: ben you're not allowed out of bed until thursday

it's raining ben: LIKE THATS GONNA STOP ME

it's raining ben: ready to fuck a bitch up

trash man: I'm just ready to fuck a bitch

eddison: i am not a bitch thank you v much

trash man: AKFJSKJEJAKSKSKS

jewish spice: jesus fuck when will we all just

jewish spice: go to sleep

billiam: never

aesthetic queen: the day when we do that is going to be the second coming of jesus

trash man: oh man I really hope that's when we all die

mike n ike: HONESTLY

it's raining ben: ok but before we do that

trash man: anybody wanna admit they got a crush on me

eddison: ????

billiam: oh as if 

billiam: they all have crushes on me

trash man: lmao yeah sure

billiam: richie you're about to earn yourself a night sleeping on the floor

billiam: or even worse

billiam: in georgies room

trash man: NO IM SORRY

it's raining ben: what's so bad about sharing a room with georgie???

billiam: george can't sleep without some sort of noise

billiam: sometimes it's just white noise but sometimes it's this really creepy voice

trash man: TWAS BRILLIG AND THE SLITHY TOVES DID GIRE AND GIMBLE IN THE WAVE ALL MIMSY WERE THE BOROGOVES AND THE MOME RATS OUTGRAVE

trash man: or SOMETHING like that

billiam: it pisses us off so much

mike n ike: wait does it do the whole thing

trash man: DOES IT RECITE

trash man: THE ENTIRE JABBERWOCKY POEM

trash man: WELL

trash man: I CAN ANSWER THAT

billiam: yes it does

trash man: fuck you

billiam: we're brothers that's gross

trash man: I hate this fucking family

it's raining ben: wait so you guys are like

it's raining ben: actual brothers now

it's raining ben: damn what else did I miss

billiam: no no no

trash man: i haven't been adopted officially or anything yet but I'm like

trash man: basically another denbrough now

trash man: lmao imagine that

trash man: richie denbrough

trash man: id probably go richie tozier-denbrough

aesthetic queen: that makes sense

eddison: k well what are you gonna do in a few years be richie tozier-denbrough-kaspbrak????

trash man: i thought we'd just go kaspbrak

trash man: you're not the only one who's thought about this

eddison: well we never talked about it what if i think we should have your name in there

trash man: i don't care if my name is in there babe! richie kaspbrak is cute

jewish spice: YOURE SIXTEEN FUCKING YEARS OLD YOU HAVE TIME

mike n ike: i love how you're just automatically assuming you're going to get married

trash man: why wouldn't we

eddison: yeah one day

jewish spice: soft

jewish spice: also i think all of us have???

billiam: yeah we decided to go uris

aesthetic queen: ben and i are going with hanscom-marsh

it's raining ben: or marsh-hanscom

it's raining ben: actually nvm hanscom-marsh sounds way better

aesthetic queen: exactly

billiam: and one day when our kids want to know about my name I will talk about the denbroughs and their uncles richie and eddie

it's raining ben: and georgie and whoever he marries

trash man: oh he's already decided he's marrying zendaya

mike n ike: REACH FOR THE SKY MY DUDE

aesthetic queen: SAME

jewish spice: and one day aunt beverly will give them her bullshit jenga analogy for life and they'll go straight back to talking about whatever inappropriate things richie is putting inside their heads

trash man: im offended

jewish spice: you should be

aesthetic queen: uh so the fuck am i my jenga analogy is useful

billiam: IN WHAT WORLD

aesthetic queen: a world where life is like jenga

eddison: IT DOESNT MAKE ANY FUCKING SENSE

it's raining ben: sorry babe it really doesn't

** PRIVATE MESSAGE **

** eddison >>> trash man **

eddison: BOI do you wanna go to the movies tomorrroe?

trash man: i m taking george to see ben remember

eddison: oh ya well I just didn't think it'd take all night :/

trash man: sry

eddison: it's okay we'll do it later

trash man: yayy <3

** the losers club™ **

it's raining ben: so bill how's your boyfriend mr brooks

billiam: he's great he has a little league game coming up saturday and he's hoping to win after fantasy football was a real letdown

aesthetic queen: mr brooks' old ass???? playing sports?????

eddison: it's just not realistic

billiam: so is the idea of him dating a fashionable young twink like me

mike n ike: hey I have an idea

mike n ike: let's NOT bring back the fucking twink discourse

it's raining ben: yeah let's talk about the fact that I'm bored as fuck and I've already read the entire derry library so I have nothing to do

billiam: i have some new short stories i can drop by later

it's raining ben: blease

aesthetic queen: bills writing tbh is just as good as any of the people in the library

jewish spice: RT

trash man: RT

eddison: rt WHERE is bill's novel deal

billiam: I actually had an idea for a full length novel

trash man: SPILL

mike n ike: THE TEA IS BOILING

billiam: ok so it's about this group of kids who have to save their friend from an alternate universe that the government is trying to keep under wraps

trash man: my cousin was telling me a story about he and his friends like that earlier

trash man: except in his he was dating a girl with magic powers lmao

it's raining ben: me tbh

aesthetic queen: I do have magic powers

it's raining ben: this is true

jewish spice: ;)

jewish spice: im turning into richie fuck

jewish spice: I'll see myself out bye

_jewish spice has left the chat._

billiam: WKJFJAKDKAKALKA

trash man: SOMEONE ADD STAN BACK JESUS

eddison: IM LAUGHINF

_mike n ike has added jewish spice to the chat._

jewish spice: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

aesthetic queen: the same kid who once skipped school to make out with his boyfriend is now freaking out when he sent the sin queen a wonky face

aesthetic queen: TEXT CANCELLED WINKY AUTOCORRECTED TO WONKY IM DONE

billiam: WONKY

it's raining ben: wonky

_aesthetic queen has changed their name to wonky._

wonky: sup guys

trash man: me after spending the night at the kaspbraks

eddison: i'm gonna fucking kill you

trash man: i never said you were the reason

eddison: I never said I was either

mike n ike: when I opened my phone I saw eddies messages and it said "im gonna fuck" and I just

jewish spice: JEJDKAJFNELSKES

billiam: im gonna fucking kill myself

trash man: the sexual exploits of the seven people in this group chat, no matter how much we joke about it, will always be exposed within an amount of time

trash man: usually a scarily short amount of time

mike n ike: right sexual exploits or lack thereof

mike n ike: i saw another bird last night

mike n ike: I screamed but I did take a picture of it for you stan

jewish spice: yay

mike n ike: [motherfucker.jpg]

jewish spice: looks like another street pigeon mike

mike n ike: i still don't trust it

jewish spice: im sure it doesn't trust you either mike

wonky: konky

wonky: are you FUCKING SERIOUS

trash man: KONKY

eddison: BEPIS OR KONKY

_wonky has changed their name to konky._

konky: i am beverly, the konky queen

it's raining ben: i don't wanna know what that means

billiam: WOULDNT YOU LIKE TO KNOW

billiam: oh wait

mike n ike: akkdsksksklsldksjsjk

trash man: You Tried

billiam: i will not stand for this abuse

the losers club™

it's raining ben: [????.mov]

konky: every day I wonder if george denbrough can become more relatable and every day he does

eddison: he looks like a gremlin

eddison: an adorable one but still

billiam: i trust you three are taking good care of him

billiam: well

billiam: stan and ben

billiam: i dk if I can trust richie after the spring awakening debacle

trash man: im going to shove a whole croc shoe up your asshole

billiam: wouldn't be the first time

billiam: wait what

konky: B I L L

it's raining ben: WILLIAM DENBROUGH

trash man: STAN JUST WENT FUCKING RED BUT NOW HES LAUGHING

trash man: "I swear this has nothing to do with me" I THINK THE FUCK SO

jewish spice: i deny any and all involvement

mike n ike: THATS ROUGH BUDDY

billiam: so was the croc

eddison: I NEED TO GOUGE MY FUCKIG EYES OUT

konky: i wanna fuckin die

konky: oh wait fuck

_konky has changed their name to aesthetic queen._

aesthetic queen: all the better for me to tease bill with

billiam: I

billiam: im offended

eddison: YOU SHOULD BE

** PRIVATE MESSAGE **

** billiam >>> it's raining ben **

billiam: hey is richie still with you?

it's raining ben: no he left for home a while ago ?

billiam: oh

it's raining ben: why? did he go missing again? cause i can't partake in another richie hunt due to obvious reasons

billiam: no it's fine georgie said richie dropped him off and said he was going somewhere but george didn't hear where he said he was going

it's raining ben: oh well if he doesn't turn up i'll make them send out helicopters

billiam: shjsjkll

** PRIVATE MESSAGE **

** billiam >>> eddison **

billiam: eddie

billiam: eddie

billiam: EDWARD

eddison: what's wrong ?

billiam: remember how last week richie and stan skipped out on lunch like every day last week

eddison: yeah

eddison: well richie said they got lunch detention after they got caught smoking cigarettes in the back alley instead of being in biology

billiam: see stan said they were going off campus to do something with their youth group

eddison: huh I wonder which days they were doing which

billiam: no that's not

billiam: not what i mean

eddison: you think lunch detention was youth group?

billiam: no

billiam: eddie no

eddison: then what???

eddison: were they just leaving to smoke more??

billiam: no you goddamn shoe

billiam: I think they might be cheating on us

eddison: OH

eddison: oh

eddison: no

billiam: you sure???

eddison: I mean.....

eddison: oh god

eddison: bill

billiam: yes

eddison: i think our boyfriends might be cheating on us

eddison: our twinky jewish boyfriends

billiam: oh wow I never woulda guessed

billiam: question is how do we find out

eddison: tell mike

billiam: WHY would we do that

eddison: he'll message stan saying "LAY OFF DUDE BILL DOESNT DESERVE THIS" because stan and mike are best friends and aren't afraid of some tough love

billiam: while that is very true he'll probably just deny it

billiam: hey what the hell go for it

billiam: that son of a bitch is dead if he is cheating tho

eddison: woah

eddison: y u so angry

billiam: i don't like being cheated on???

billiam: i get cheated on every day of my life by my parents bc they pay more attention to my brothers than me

billiam: one of them whom MIGHT BE THE PERSON MY BOYFRIEND IS CHEATING ON ME WITH

eddison: im sorry

eddison: we'll find out I promise

** PRIVATE MESSAGE **

** eddison >>> jewish spice **

eddison: staniel

eddison: staniel spaniel

jewish spice: yeos

jewish spice: what is up my tiny boy

eddison: whatcha doin

jewish spice: dying

jewish spice: uh im at the river cafe downtown

eddison: by yourself???

jewish spice: listen i know you want me to be social I'm here with my youth group

eddison: right

jewish spice: I swear I am

eddison: riiiight

** PRIVATE MESSAGE **

** eddison >>> mike n ike **

eddison: mike

mike n ike: yes my dear eddie

eddison: [huh.jpg]

eddison: bill thinks richie and stan are cheating with each other

mike n ike: OH

eddison: will you pls investigate

mike n ike: yes in deedly

** PRIVATE MESSAGE **

** mike n ike >>> jewish spice **

mike n ike: Stan my boy

jewish spice: yeos

mike n ike: you're kinda in deep shit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys I'm back I was dragged onto a giant boat even though I get seasick very easily but I did get to go to mexico (first time being out of the US!!) so it's all good
> 
> also if any of you have seen glee no spoilers but this is basically the sam/kurt/quinn subplot from season 2


	13. everybody wants to rule the world

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this episode: sometimes children forgive one another too easily

** PRIVATE MESSAGE **

** trash man >>> jewish spice **

trash man: im in the courtyard

trash man: stop making out with ur boyfriend and get your butt out here

jewish spice: hush im on my way

jewish spice: making out w my boyfriend is the last thing I'd be doing rn

trash man: woah why

jewish spice: bc bill's been ignoring the fuck outta me

trash man: he's been acting rly weird at home too Idk what's goin on tho

trash man: eddies been weird too

jewish spice: i noticed

jewish spice: mike thinks we're cheating on them with each other

trash man: 1. EW

trash man: 2. really???

jewish spice: well no he said that's what they think

trash man: oh

trash man: that's not good at all

jewish spice: yeah but I don't wanna

jewish spice: tell them

jewish spice: at least not yet

trash man: i get it but

trash man: that's not gonna end well for us

jewish spice: hggngnng

jewish spice: I don't know!!!

trash man: eds is being rly tense stan i don't know how much longer i can do this

trash man: i don't want to hurt them but i don't want to hurt you but i think it'd be a good idea to tell them but also like

trash man: idk

jewish spice: im still so scared of how they'll react

trash man: i don't think they'll react badly

jewish spice: we sent out a fucking search party for you man

trash man: because i was literally missing

trash man: you're still here

jewish spice: physically

trash man: you know what i mean

jewish spice: haha the self loathing is really real tonight!!!!

trash man: stan

trash man: it's okay we all love you so much no matter what

** the losers club™ **

aesthetic queen: alright boys what's the plan

billiam: my dad is driving we bought an old school bus a few years ago and spent a rly long time decking it out so we're gonna go in that

it's raining ben: that sounds amazing

trash man: does it have a sunroof

billiam: yes

eddison: but you're absolutely wrong if you think we're letting you hang out of the top and take pictures again

trash man: WHAT

eddison: YOU DROPPED THE FUCKING CAMERA LAST TIME

trash man: true

billiam: it takes a lot of gas tho I'm not really sure if it's worth it

aesthetic queen: obviously it's worth it we all love musicals and each other

eddison: yeah sometimes a little too much

trash man: oh this again for fucks sake

trash man: nothing is happening

it's raining ben: guys seriously not right now

billiam: nothing sure seems like something something you can't even explain

trash man: that's not why

jewish spice: seriously guys it's not that big a deal

aesthetic queen: I'm about to eject some jealous fuckers from this fucking chat

billiam: yep cause constantly ignoring us isn't that big a deal

trash man: why do you guys love jumping to conclusions so much!!!

eddison: because you're being real grade a assholes so why not?

jewish spice: richie stop trying to be the fall guy it's okay

billiam: I don't know what about this is okay

jewish spice: we're not fucking cheating! he's been helping me! okay!

eddison: is that what we're calling it

mike n ike: guys stop

billiam: "helping"

jewish spice: yes richie has been helping me because we go to synagogue together and he's the smartest person out of the seven of us

jewish spice: i have an injury in the parietal lobe of my brain from getting fucking attacked by the bowers gang a few weeks ago and im slowly losing my ability to read and do math.

jewish spice: he's been tutoring me and i didn't want to be treated like even more of a fragile flower so I didn't want to tell anyone.

jewish spice: so there

** PRIVATE MESSAGE **

** eddison >>> trash man **

eddison: is he being serious?

trash man: 100%

eddison: oh my god I'm gonna throw up

eddison: I'm so sorry

trash man: it's okay

eddison: no it's not I jumped to conclusions and it wasn't okay

trash man: but I was being shady and I mm sorry

eddison: stop that

eddison: I feel horrible

trash man: so do I

eddison; well let's stop being horrible

trash man: right perfect!

eddison: do you wanna go get frozen yogurt

trash man: YES

eddison: ok love you

trash man: <3

** PRIVATE MESSAGE **

** jewish spice >>> billiam **

jewish spice: I'm sorry I lost it.

jewish spice: and I'm sorry I hid that from you. I should trust you and I didn't.

billiam: no im sorry I was such a judgemental ass

billiam: i assumed things I shouldn't and I didn't trust you and it really backfired in my face.

jewish spice: i just didn't want you to think I was an idiot

jewish spice: or treat me like a baby.

billiam: I have two brothers for that

billiam: and I'd never think you were an idiot even if you have ridiculous ideas sometimes

jewish spice: I think we all do

billiam: I guess I just cling onto any attention I can get since my parents are all obsessed with my ten year old brother

billiam: I'm so so so sorry

billiam: I had no idea

jewish spice: of course you didn't I'm a fantastic actor

billiam: sure

jewish spice: I forgive you

jewish spice: and you know your brothers love you right?

billiam: of course it's just sometimes my parents don't

billiam: things are just weird

jewish spice: i get it.

billiam: I'm sorry. I'm so sorry and if I can do something for you I will

jewish spice: just don't treat me weird?

billiam: will do

billiam: I just don't know

jewish spice: I know it's weird something is still off

jewish spice: I'm coming to ur house

billiam: woah what

billiam: you don't hate me

jewish spice: maybe I do I need to see your stupid face in person to decide

** PRIVATE MESSAGE **

** aesthetic queen >>> trash man **

aesthetic queen: WHAT THE FRICK FRACK DIDDLY WHACK PICK PACK IS GOING ON

trash man: exactly what he said?

trash man: everyone is really stressed right now it's very not fun

aesthetic queen: we're always stressed

trash man: true

trash man: but just

trash man: more so now

** the losers club™ **

mike n ike: so after last nights shit parade

mike n ike: where are we now

jewish spice: [stressedboisclub.jpg]

eddison: EW I have so much acne

trash man: yea but you still cute as fuck!!!!

eddison: my man

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah I wish I was like these kids and ppl at my school who forgive others so so so easily even if it's a bad idea
> 
> anyways guess who has physics, Spanish 3, english 4, and algebra 2 this semester??? I'm also choreographing a production of beauty and the beast at a high school that's a forty minute drive AND competition dance season starts next month
> 
> I'm just,,, in a really bad place right now and I think it comes across in my writing


	14. say yes to the dress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in this episode: honey buns, wedding dresses, and weed

** the losers club™ **

billiam: fuck

aesthetic queen: who are you mad at now

billiam: STOP I said I was sorry and I'm mad at myself

billiam: my FUCKIJ HEARIND AID BATTEYR JUST DIED

jewish spice: I'll bring you another one

billiam: my hero

mike n ike: goals!

aesthetic queen: mcscuse me bitch

mike n ike: are you gonna do this every time I try to put the goals on someone else

aesthetic queen: yeos

it's raining ben: it's okay Beverly we're all cute

mike n ike: except for when you're all vying for the title of best couple

trash man: you're the only loser not dating another loser your approval is important

mike n ike: im dating chris colfer

eddison: MOOD

eddison: I've had his version of not the boy next door on repeat for the past three days

trash man: can confirm

billiam: if you play it at all once we get on that fucking bus you're dead to me

eddison: :(

jewish spice: yo who's ready to get out of 4th period

trash man: uh me!!

eddison: Richie when we get called for our dismissal in 4th can we flip off Mr Gall as we walk out

trash man: ehhh

trash man: I mean I wouldn't mind

trash man: but also the only reason I have a good grade in that class is because I suck up to gall

billiam: that's bullshit rich you're the smartest of us all

trash man: this is true

aesthetic queen: I wanna go to SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP

mike n ike: GOD same

jewish spice: I just want to eat a shit load of pizza

jewish spice: then make out with someone

billiam: i can help with that

jewish spice: stop

eddison: christ

aesthetic queen: who wants to go to a bridal store once we're in nyc and pretend that you guys are my bridal party so I can try on dresses

billiam: me I do

trash man: I'm so down

eddison: Yes

it's raining ben: isn't it bad luck for a groom to see the bride in a wedding dress before the wedding

aesthetic queen: 1. I don't think that's exactly how it works in this case

aesthetic queen: 2. BABEEEEEEE THATS SO SWEET

aesthetic queen: ILYSM

it's raining ben: <333333

trash man: did none of you watch glee with me

eddison: no i was the only one who did

trash man: WHATEVER

trash man: anyways

trash man: that superstition dates back to arranged marriages when people thought of the couple saw each other before the wedding they'd run away and not get married

trash man: it's nothing to do with actual loving relationships

it's raining ben: well that's nice to know

jewish spice: smart richie strikes again

trash man: me: rips off glasses to reveal another pair of glasses like the principal in neds declassified and winks

mike n ike: that's so oddly specific

billiam: yeah are you okay

trash man: never better

** the losers club™ **

billiam: okay what the FUCK

billiam: just happened

billiam: WHO THE HELL IS AWAKE AT 240 AM AFTER WE DROVE ALL FKING DAY

eddison: KAKDKDLALSKAK

eddison: well.....

it's raining ben: EDDIE JUMPED ON ME AND GOES "BEN I WANT FOOD BUT IM TO SCARED TO GO DOWNSTAIRS TO THE VENDING MACHING BY MYSELF"

it's raining ben: SO I GET UP WITH HIM AND HE DOESNT WANT TO TURN THE LIGHT ON AS TO NOT BOTHER ANYONE AND HE TRIPS OVER ONE OF THE FUCKING SUITCASES

it's raining ben: WE RAN THE FUCK OUT BEFORE ANYONE COULD YELL AT US

aesthetic queen: ALFKKSLALS THAT MAKES SO MUCH MORE SENSE

trash man: I nearly kicked bill in the groin holy shit

jewish spice: mike nearly kicked me in the face

mike n ike: I'm fucking sorry we got one of the queen beds when I'm six goddamn feet tall

mike n ike: we gave ben bev and eddie the king in the other room when they are tiny

trash man: u think I'm not suffering I'm the same height as u and I'm sharing a smaller bed with my brother that I share a bed with every night

billiam: I am an incredible human being and sharing a bed with me is not a burden

trash man: yeah okay sure

jewish spice: can we all go to sleep now

it's raining ben: Eddie and I are at the vending machine who wants a HONEY BUN

aesthetic queen: you're my honey bun

it's raining ben: :o

mike n ike: sigh

mike n ike: goals!

billiam: STAN

jewish spice: I DONT KNOW

eddison: richie!!!!!

trash man: uuuuuuuuuuuh

trash man: I'm out of ideas

eddison: worst boyfriend ever

trash man: you woke us all up at 2:40 am

trash man: when we just drove seven hours to get to new york

eddison: point taken.

aesthetic queen: alright everybody I hate to pull an Eddie but go the fuck to sleep before I pull someone's teeth out

eddison: !

aesthetic queen: don't try me kaspbrak

** the losers club™ **

it's raining ben: I get so emotional baby

jewish spice: every time I think of u

trash man: I get so emotional babyyyyy

eddison: aint it shocking what

eddison: LOVE CAN DO

billiam: ??????

aesthetic queen: I get so emotionAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLL

mike n ike: mood

billiam: this is sudden and I'm not complaining I'm just confused

jewish spice: im always confused

jewish spice: but I have an excuse

trash man: you know what I'm rly confused about?

trash man: why in barbie as the island princess there's an elephant a peacock and a red panda living on the same island

trash man: and how they're not worried when a random little girl shows up the night after a storm but when a ship with another human shows up they're terrified

trash man: AND HOW TF CAN SHE TALK TO ALL THE ANIMALS LIKE?????????

trash man: HYCKIN BARBIE MOFIES

mike n ike: an even bigger mood???

aesthetic queen: ...

aesthetic queen: anyways

aesthetic queen: when are those of you who are going wedding shopping with me coming

mike n ike: stan ben and I are going to throw bread at passerbys in Central Park like they're ducks

mike n ike: but please send us pictures of bev in dressses

trash man: will do

eddison: alrite team let's go

billiam: yay we're coming

aesthetic queen: Stan mike ben have fun don't get arrested

mike n ike: we might find an alleyway that smells like ass and smoke weed

it's raining ben: we'd be less likely to get arrested I can tell you that

trash man: be safe and don't steal from bev and i's stash

aesthetic queen: I Will Know you fuckers

jewish spice: got it

eddison: wow richie telling his friends to be safe that's new

trash man: I am destructive only to myself

trash man: but I would Die for anyone else in this chat

billiam: also very destructive

trash man: don't play me little man

trash man: little ballerina man

billiam: I am a strong child

billiam: and one day when you overdose on capri sun and nutella and lack of exercise I will tap dance all over your grave

** dance dance r e v o l u t i o n **

** mike n ike >>> billiam, eddison **

mike n ike: bill shut tf up you're scaring him!

billiam: RICHIE SCARED US AFTER DISAPPEARINF FOR A WEEK

billiam: HE CALLED ME LITTLE BALLERINA MAN

billiam: no yeah that was a little too much i'll simmer down

eddison: good i don't want him to be traumatized by the time we get to the bridal shop

mike n ike: as much as we don't want to admit it the poor fucking kid has been through enough

** the losers club™ **

it's raining ben: my baby don't me as a fount because she love Es the siubf and this I knelt for ture

it's raining ben: buts downs dt ue reallly wnaba bud r wnt stnand to maee me ealk out the doorrrrr

it's raining ben: bevagkely is my benny

it's raining ben: my babvy

it's raining ben: i lovej you bebverly

aesthetic queen: ben I love u too

mike n ike: Bev and ben are theb est couple

jewish spice: thatsht epong itsh bill

jewish spice: bioly is my swet andgel babby

billiam: stan I love you so much y angel

billiam: are you guys safe though

mike n ike: yes I am not Very highat all

mike n ike: we are safe

eddison: are you sure

mike n ike: yes I promise

eddison: [goddess.jpg]

jewish spice: BEVJERLY YOU LCOKE LIKE AN ANLEG FROM HWVAHB A BOVE

jewish spice: UIU ARE FO BEAULTIFUL I LOCE YLU SO MUXB

it's raining ben: Nsmsk BE CERKY YOURE SO BEUAOTIFUL

trash man: she says thank you!!!

it's raining ben: MY NUMBE JBER OND SCINNOMNON APPNEL

it's raining ben: MY COTTN CANTTY ANGLE

jewish spice: A FIGT FROM HIFBER PIWERS

mike n ike: true she is a fucking queen

eddison: when she introduced us to the assistant as her bridal party she goes "this is my best friend and ex boyfriend bill, his adopted brother and also my ex boyfriend richie, and richie's boyfriend eddie. who I have not dated. they're my best friends."

billiam: RIGHT she used her fake to convince them she was nineteen when they went back she was showing the lady pictures of ben like they were actually engaged

it's raining ben: WE AHE ENGNAGED

it's raining ben: BEVHERLY IS MY FINANCE

trash man: FINANCE

trash man: [atrueangelp2.jpg]

mike n ike: honestly I am only attracted to one person and that is miss Beverly Marsh

it's raining ben: he y ley ofor mike tthay iis my wifr

jewish spice: [FIFUDGHT.mov]

jewish spice: bben sin tryin to fight the mike but mike is teob stijrng

eddison: the mike

billiam: when mike becomes a wrestler that's gonna be his name

billiam: INTRODUCING

billiam: THE MIKE

trash man: MOOD

it's raining ben: icaok tnt fight mike

it's raining ben: he If too stonrf

trash man: that's probably the smart choice ben

it's raining ben: dofoyu thinks it dangeos don Me to b smihbing weed whben i jusy got out of the hodloal

mike n ike: oh shit

billiam: I don't think any of us thought about that

trash man: Eddie has his plan he can check on him at the hotel since he has like half a pre med degree anyway

billiam: [yeahboi.jpg]

trash man: JAJRJSLSSK

eddison: OH MY GOD

jewish spice: whah happyned?

mike n ike: what is the tea

eddison: the lady asks if she thinks Beverly is gonna get any of the dresses and she says "no all of these dresses are tacky and I left all my cash at home anyways"

mike n ike: SHE DIDNT

it's raining ben: BEVEILY WER JOT GONNAA BE ALLWOED BACK JEJER NOW

trash man: idk why we'd need to come back here tho

mike n ike: well this is just one adventure after the other

billiam: you guys should probably go back to the hotel and start sobering up before deh tonight

billiam: we'll meet you at the room

mike n ike: gotcha

** the losers club™ **

trash man: I've said it once

trash man: and I'll say it again

trash man: I would let noah galvin *** ** ** *** ***

eddison: I don't think you've ever said that before

it's raining ben: that's

it's raining ben: graphic

aesthetic queen: same rich!

mike n ike: Beverly don't encourage him

aesthetic queen: I will do as I please Michael

mike n ike: :/

jewish spice: turn your phones off

billiam: it's intermission staniel

jewish spice: don't get an attitude with me

billiam: geez fine

** the losers club™ **

eddison: why does bill feel the need to do this to me

billiam: Eddie I love you

eddison: love won't bring back what little dignity I had amongst this friend group

aesthetic queen: but did you ever have any tho?

jewish spice: tf did we miss

trash man: you go to get snacks and miss Eddie being hurt

eddison: it's like when you're in dance class and the teacher says do something you feel good about and bill comes up to you and practically reads your mind and says "hey eddie don't do your double attitudes they suck" and me going "what the hell bill that was really mean im gonna do them anyway"

billiam: then you do them and the teacher frowns at you and just grumbles "ok" and inside you're like "wow thanks for the insight bill you're so smart I should've listened to you and now I look like an idiot"

jewish spice: I'm going to assume that this is something that has actually happened

billiam: yes yes it has

eddison: yes and I decided to use it as an example

eddison: and for the record Mrs Taylor loved my double attitudes because everyone else was doing tour jetes and I was being creative and they were awesome

billiam: hm sure fine

eddison: I don't need to take this from somebody who sucks toes

billiam: shut the fuck up that means nothing to me

eddison: hm getting awful defensive Are We

billiam: I'm sorry I love u

eddison: ...

eddison: ok

trash man: but you don't love him more than I do

trash man: I love Eddie the most

eddison: Richie loves Eddie like Kanye loves Kanye

it's raining ben: that is some real dedication there

billiam: wow that's a lot of love

mike n ike: goals!

billiam: I take it Back

jewish spice: it's okay angel cake we'll get it someday

billiam: ...ok

aesthetic queen: maybe we can all go tf to sleep now?

trash man: mebe

trash man: only once eddie agrees to go recreate i'll cover you from rent on the street tomorrow

eddison: yeas okay

trash man: perfect goodnight children

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i had three glasses of this shitty eight dollar merlot and wrote most of this chapter
> 
> I'm trying to decide what I want to write along with this as a full length fic its either gonna be the Stanlon college AU I mentioned or a crossover fic with stranger things that may involve a cruise ship


	15. vogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in this episode: Todrick hall, 400% fluff, and s p o d e r s

**the** ** losers club™ **

it's raining ben: hello

trash man: MY NAME IS ELDER PRICE

it's raining ben: I fucking knew it too

jewish spice: how much longer must we suffer

trash man: the REST OF YOUR LIVES

aesthetic queen: well in that case I'm off to go die in a hole alone

eddison: there's lots of those in new york

billiam: dammit eddie don't encourage her

eddison: what

eddison: oh okay

eddison: beverly don't do it!

eddison: we lov u

trash man: i only love nic rouleau

mike n ike: what is it with richie and skinny white broadway stars

trash man: todrick hall isn't white

aesthetic queen: oh no

trash man: he is truly the pinnacle of american creativity and people who don't appreciate him immensely can leave right now

trash man: he is an innovator among amateurs and i truly believe that he is the greatest human being of the 21st century

trash man: TRULY an incredibly talented soul who owns my ass and will never stop doing just that

trash man: if I were on a deserted island with only one other person

trash man: I'm sorry Eddie I love you

trash man: but I would pick todrick because he would know exactly how to get us out of that situation

billiam: beep beep

billiam: i love you but we don't have time for that rn

eddison: it really was amusing though

it's raining ben: HONESTLY that's how you know richie is a theatre kid

trash man: tbh

mike n ike: who's not ready to leave nyc tomorrow

aesthetic queen: I wanna stay here forever

jewish spice: Beverly would sooner live in the bridal shop she was kicked out of in hiding than go back to derry

aesthetic queen: EXCUSE

aesthetic queen: I was not KICKED OUT i actually LEFT

billiam: right and they probably won't let you or any of us back in

trash man: yeah what about when I want to go try on wedding dresses

jewish spice: I thought you were gonna wear eddies moms

eddison: not stan too

aesthetic queen: dark stan arises

jewish spice: ;)

trash man: my bff

jewish spice: fuck off

trash man: okay

mike n ike: the main reason I'm ready to leave nyc is because of all the birds

mike n ike: leave me tf alone

jewish spice: it's hilarious because that's exactly why I want to stay

mike n ike: I do not understand

mike n ike: your bird love

jewish spice: it's okay

billiam: tbh I don't understand it either it's okay

trash man: someone please come sit with me

trash man: I am losing it

trash man: please please please I'm gonna start crying

mike n ike: I'm in the room where are you

trash man: the corner

mike n ike: oh

jewish spice: shit is he okay

mike n ike: he's crying????

mike n ike: gimme a few seconds I will update

eddison: oh god this can't be good

aesthetic queen: mike what's wrong with him

mike n ike: ALFKDHFJSKSLAL

mike n ike: Oh My God

mike n ike: listen im sorry he's crying but

mike n ike: he's crying because he plugged his phone in at 35 percent and when he went to pick it up it was on 22 percent

it's raining ben: big mood

aesthetic queen: honestly fuck Apple

billiam: yeah they're the worst when it comes to charging

eddison: we say this and yet we all have iphones

mike n ike: throwback to last year when Stan had a fuckin razr

jewish spice: STOP

jewish spice: THATS BULLYING

mike n ike: I'm comforting Richie how could I be a bully

mike n ike: [soft.jpg]

eddison: I think you mean gross.jpg

billiam: eddie.

eddison: he's my boyfriend I can say what I want abt him

** PRIVATE MESSAGE **

** billiam >>> jewish spice **

billiam: THIS JUST IN

billiam: bill denbrough loves stan uris

jewish spice: BREAKING NEWS

jewish spice: stan uris loves bill denbrough

billiam: I LOVE YOU

jewish spice: I LOVE YOU TOO YOU BIG SQUISHY IDIOT

billiam: <333333333333

jewish spice: <33333333

billiam: my sweet angel bear

jewish spice: cinnamon apple

billiam: sweet summer child

jewish spice: beautiful work of art

billiam: u r the song of my heart!!!

jewish spice: BABY

jewish spice: I'm so happy ur happy!!

billiam: me too honestly

jewish spice: it really is great to see you come into such a better place

billiam: ik I feel like for such a long time I was overwhelmingly sad and never really tried to care about anything and I feel so much better now

jewish spice: I am so absolutely happy that I've watched you grow into who you are now and the fact that I could help makes me so happy <33333

billiam: aawwww <3333

** PRIVATE MESSAGE **

** jewish spice >>> mike n ike **

jewish spice: okay so

jewish spice: I want to do something with bill tonight for our last night here but I don't know what

mike n ike: take the kid to dinner or for a boat ride or somethn !

mike n ike: Beverly and ben are going to dinner ON a boat and Richie and Eddie are going to a museum or something?

jewish spice: oh well what abt you?

mike n ike: im gonna go hang out with my friend Jane and her family remember from the studio?

jewish spice: oh yeah! wel have fun boi

mike n ike: I will!!! You and bill too!!

** the losers club™ **

aesthetic queen: [what.jpg]

aesthetic queen: I love ben but tbh he looks like one of those guys whose dad paid their way through their business degree and they'd pay forty dollars for a gram of oregano

trash man: AJJSJJAKAKA

billiam: ,,,, I see no lie

it's raining ben: who said that wasn't what I was going for

it's raining ben: I need to look like the locals

eddison: the locals

it's raining ben: yeah all the fuckbois

trash man: honestly

eddison: [mooseum.jpg]

eddison: hes admiring the paintings but I'm admiring the art

trash man: BABYYYYYYYYY

billiam: I WANNA EXPLODE ALL THE LOVE

eddison: I know I said you were gross but I love ur and ur adorable

trash man: bab you're so adorable I love you sm

jewish spice: [loverboy.jpg]

jewish spice: as we are in this fest of admiring our boyfriends, here is my boyfriend looking like a straight hottie even while eating crab

billiam: ew I look so gross bab

jewish spice: no ur amazing and I love you!!!!

billiam: :')

billiam: also how dare u call me straight

jewish spice: omg I mm sorry that's not what I meant

billiam: lol I know it's okay

aesthetic queen: u guys are all blessings I love you

trash man: I'm gonna try and get kicked out of the museum

eddison: no you're not

aesthetic queen: .

aesthetic queen: I just

aesthetic queen: I try so hard

** the losers club™ **

mike n ike: I miss u guys

billiam: god same

jewish spice: we were with each other four hours ago?

mike n ike: four hours too long

aesthetic queen: big ass mood

aesthetic queen: except Richie

trash man: the FUCK

it's raining ben: you played the duck song on repeat for the last hour of the car ride

trash man: point taken.

billiam: oh he's still playing it you guys are the lucky ones I fucking live with Richie

trash man: I will not stand for this bullying

trash man: so I will leave you all to your devices

trash man: and go watch some bob Ross

mike n ike: I love bob Ross

jewish spice: my dad

eddison: daddy

billiam: eddie.

eddison: #noraegreats

_aesthetic queen has removed eddison from the chat._

aesthetic queen: begone, THOT

it's raining ben: my aesthetic queen

aesthetic queen: ;)

aesthetic queen: I am a masterpiece

jewish spice: hey did u guys hear about that new heathers show they're making

mike n ike: oh worm?

it's raining ben: yep

aesthetic queen: I just looked it up and uh

aesthetic queen: to answer your question stan I wish I hadnt

trash man added eddison to the chat.

eddison: thank you

billiam: richie you traitor

trash man: bob Ross wouldn't want this

aesthetic queen: you know what

aesthetic queen: you're right

aesthetic queen: eddie I am sorry

eddison: i forgive u

billiam: I'm gonna buy stan a cardboard cutout of lea michele for his birthday

jewish spice: BLEASE

it's raining ben: watch stan start bringing it to school

jewish spice: this is my girlfriend lea please appreciate her

mike n ike: blocked

jewish spice: no pls mike I love you

mike n ike: I'm sorry did you guys hear something? It might've been s**n but he's blocked :/

jewish spice: stop my bff you can't ignore me

mike n ike: ur right

jewish spice: HUZZAH

billiam: fellas is it gay if mike can't go two minutes without talking to Stan when he's not even stans boyfriend

mike n ike: oh shit sorry I didn't mean it like that

billiam: SKFJKAAK NO ITS FINE

billiam: I was making a joke it sounded weird tho

mike n ike: :)

billiam: feels dangerous

mike n ike: :) ==)===>

mike n ike: that's a smiley face with a knife

trash man: mike...

trash man: sweetie...

mike n ike: STOP

aesthetic queen: MIKE PLS

** faarquad star squad **

it's raining ben: [hayjessay.jpg]

aesthetic queen: E N O U G H

mike n ike: Benjamin go to bed

it's raining ben: jessie is the best disney channel show of this era

aesthetic queen: this is why god abandoned us

mike n ike: yeah bro it's obviously good luck Charlie

it's raining ben: you wanna fuckin come for me

it's raining ben: you wanna FIGHT ME

aesthetic queen: hey

aesthetic queen: hey

aesthetic queen: at least none of you like bizaardvark

it's raining ben: they tried

it's raining ben: but it's just a ripoff icarly with j*ke p*ul

mike n ike: okay j*ke p*ul makes me wanna vomit

aesthetic queen: SAME SAME SAME SAME SAME

it's raining ben: D:

** the losers club™ **

mike n ike: yo what does it mean when a spider is in ur dream

eddison: mike it's 3 am

trash man: spider

aesthetic queen: yes Richie a spider

trash man: spider

trash man: spoder

trash man: spuder

trash man: sPiDer

trash man: sp I dE r

trash man: s p I d ee e r

billiam: jesus mike look what you've started

trash man: spiDe rR

trash man: spiid rder

trash man: SP i dE r

mike n ike: oh god

trash man: SpiD DER Spidddee

trash man: R

billiam: he's just laughing across the bed

billiam: what the fuck

trash man: S PIDER

it's raining ben: this is so funny to watch

eddison: spoder

eddison: oh my god

jewish spice: poor fucking kid

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to do some tooth rotting fluff esp for bill because in my new AU I'm gonna post here p soon bill is paralyzed from the waist down and rly just a,, sad fuckin kid
> 
> Also I made a public Instagram!!!!!!!!!!!! It's @mr_adequate_bar go follow for a weird look into my life and also previews and things about my stories!


	16. all about georgie!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in this episode: georgie, georgie, razor scooters, and georgie!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A new person is chatting now omg! If you couldn't tell, maturwin is georgie.

** PRIVATE MESSAGE **

** trash man >>> eddison **

trash man: pleas e come to my house and nap with me

eddison: I'm at a dance call rn but I will after

trash man: yay

eddison: I swear I'll do anything for your gay ass

trash man: I luv u

eddison: I love u too

eddison: wait is bill gonna be home

trash man: no he will be with staneil

trash man: stainel

trash man: stanlei

trash man: stan

eddison: oh ok

eddison: yeah I'll come do u want food

trash man: uhhhhh

trash man: I could go for some delicious humus

eddison: Check

trash man: light of my life

** the losers club™ **

mike n ike: IM ABOUT TO UVKNG LOSE IT

billiam: MIKE HANLON YOU STOP RIGHT THE FUCK THERE

eddison: TELL THE FUCKING STORYMIKE

aesthetic queen: I don't know if we want to know

billiam: YOU DONT

eddison: yes they do

it's raining ben: spill the tea

jewish spice: what did bill do now

mike n ike: so we're there in dance right

mike n ike: miss r leaves to check on something so we're all stretching by ourselves and all of a sudden bill starts laughing and we're like "the fuck"

billiam: end my life

mike n ike: so bill is like "sorry I thought of something" and we're like "please announce" and bill just

mike n ike: "EVERYBODY SAY PUSSY KEEP IT GOING"

aesthetic queen: EKFKLSLSWK

it's raining ben: OH MY G O D

mike n ike: and we're about to start doing it but then miss r comes in and says "well they're all gay and I'm not so you're outta luck there bill"

trash man: KAKDKKSSL

trash man: Bill

billiam: STOP

trash man: may I relay this story to little brother

billiam: NO YOU MAY NOT

trash man: let's be honest he's heard us say worse

billiam: I don't know what you're talking about

it's raining ben: "fuck me with a rusty spoon"

jewish spice: "who is that old ass fucker staring at us; buy me a drink first dude"

aesthetic queen: (in the middle of the goddamn grocery store) ben: Rich do you want cake? Richie: IM ALWAYS A SLUT FOR CAKE

eddison: and then we got home and YOU said "fuck Richie this cake tastes like pepto bismol and marmite had a lovechild what the ever loving hell did you do to it"

billiam: okay. I see your point.

billiam: the answer is still no.

trash man: you have no humor

billiam: I care about our brothers ten year old ears, richie

billiam: mine do not work correctly so I must protect his

** denbros **

** trash man >>> billiam, maturwin **

trash man: fuck

billiam: TICHIE

maturwin: tichie????

maturwin: tf???

billiam: betrayed my own brother. unbelievable.

maturwin: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

trash man: yes. the dark side.

maturwin: richie always did look like kylo ren

trash man: STOP YOURE HURTING MY FEELINGS

maturwin: im sorry I didn't mean it I only mean to hurt bill

billiam: JSJSKSKSJKD

billiam: why are you two ganging up against me sm im so sad

maturwin: because fuck you

billiam: GEORGIE

trash man: I'm proud

billiam: NO YOU SHOULDNT BE THIS IS YOUR FAULT

maturwin: >:(

maturwin: I am my own being

** the losers club™ **

trash man: I think I succeeded in sending bill into a state of shock

trash man: aided by the famous turtle boy obvi

aesthetic queen: I feel like you and george are slowly killing bil???

aesthetic queen: just maybe????

mike n ike: bil

it's raining ben: bil

jewish spice: I love my boyfriend bil

billiam: I'm gonna joke about that in a second but first

billiam: Richie you and georgie are gonna give me a fucking heart attack one of these days

billiam: I'm Sensitive™

eddison: that's really funny considering that you're like the strongest one out of all of us

mike n ike: except me

eddison: this is tru

billiam: but why does georgie think it's okay to say the fuck word now he is small

aesthetic queen: he's eleven but okay

billiam: small.

it's raining ben: bill we understand if you're having trouble admitting that georgie's gonna grow up one day but we're here for you

billiam: oh my god stop

mike n ike: remember that one girl who was worried when her nine year old sister said stupid

billiam: ajdjsksl yes

trash man: oh god yes

aesthetic queen: she was so worried

jewish spice: "I just- don't know what to do she's being so vulgar" shut the Fuck Up Samantha  
  
it's raining ben: was her name samantha?

trash man: I don't remember actually

eddison: I think it was like mallory or something else really Christian

eddison: and I'm saying that as a christian

** PRIVATE MESSAGE  
aesthetic queen >>> it's raining ben **

aesthetic queen: [amazing.jpg]

it's raining ben: my queen!!

it's raining ben: amazing perfect goddess from above!

it's raining ben: [hawt.jpg]

aesthetic queen: goodness me look at. That piece of art

it's raining ben: piece of art and piece of ass

aesthetic queen: damn straight!

it's raining ben: I'm like Patrick from Perks "let's face it id smoke all you bitches"

aesthetic queen: TRUE

** PRIVATE MESSAGE **

** trash man >>> eddison **

trash man: FUCK

trash man: how soon can you get over here

eddison: we have like fifteen minutes left

eddison: what did you do

trash man: I fell off my scooter

eddison: oh damn

eddison: how bad is it?

trash man: uh,,, leg

eddison: GONE?!

trash man: no

trash man: NO

trash man: bumpy

eddison: oh damn

trash man: I have so many scrapes and bruises lmao

eddison: u gonna be okay until I get there

trash man: oh yah definitely

eddison: okay just checking

trash man: the bright side is

trash man: [epic.jpg]

trash man: My bruised and cut knuckles make me look like a badass

eddison: Daaammmnnnn

eddison: Looks like you fought somebody lol

trash man: i did

trash man: my inner demons

eddison: You go Punch the shit out of those demons

trash man: alright I'm gonna get in the bath and burn my fucking skin off

trash man: come join me eds ;)

eddison: barf

** the losers club™ **

trash man: what the fuck just happened

it's raining ben: i don't know what the fuck did just happen

trash man: I'm in the bath,,, recovering,,,

trash man: and all of a sudden the door cracks open a little bit and I hear george go "hey Richie you remember that boy from my math class I said I was gonna marry?"

trash man: and I'm like "????? Yes I do but????"

trash man: and he goes "turns out he went to the trump rally this weekend. really dodged a bullet there!" and then JUST FUCKING LEAVES

trash man: IM DEJJSKKS DYING

aesthetic queen: AKFJSKKAKFJS

mike n ike: GEORGIE WHAT THE FUCK???

mike n ike: THATS SO RANDOM

billiam: ...I see we've raised him well

eddison: wait richie are you still in the fucking bath

trash man: yes

trash man: waiting for you :'(

it's raining ben: I'm going to commit

jewish spice: I hate taking baths they're so icky and inefficient

trash man: well fuck you

jewish spice: I thought that's what you were waiting for eddie for

trash man: no no no I'm waiting for sonia

eddison: alright I'm no longer going over

trash man: WAIT NO IM SORRY BLEASE I NEED LOVE AND AFFECTION

billiam: the fragility of man

jewish spice: bill do u wanna come over too me house

billiam: yes!!

mike n ike: .

billiam: stop judging me

billiam: I can't believe this is attAck bill day

aesthetic queen: that's what stan'll be doing ;)))))))

jewish spice: fuck You beverly we're going to watch Disney channel shows

eddison: also attack bill day is january 4th

billiam: THATS MY BIRTHDAY YOU FUCK

eddison: yeah attack bill with love and affection

billiam: oh.

trash man: haha the bruise on my leg looks like a dick

mike n ike: why do you have a bruise on your leg???

trash man: a ha

eddison: the fucking twat fell off a scooter

aesthetic queen: Oh My God

it's raining ben: mood

trash man: I'll wear my short shorts to school and you'll all see it

billiam: oh please no

jewish spice: richie I love you but your short shorts are horrible

trash man: uh screenshot stan said he loved me you heard it right here folks!!!!!!!!

trash man: okay now fuck you also because my short shorts are amazing

aesthetic queen: no they're not

mike n ike: I'm embarrassed to be around you when you wear them

it's raining ben: yeah pleas don't rich

eddison: sorry babe they really aren't good

trash man: oh okay. I see how it is.

_trash man has changed the chat name to short shorts hate._

it's raining ben: SHORT SHORTS HATE SKFAKDKWLKA

billiam: BIG MOOD!!!!

jewish spice: truly amazing name.

aesthetic queen: bless up he is accepting it

trash man: you guys suck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys I started a new fic called Princess and the Pauper go check it out I'm so excited and I love it please look at it and comment!!!
> 
> Also shout out to my best friend because I copy and pasted our conversation after I fell off my scooter and used it loll


	17. can anybody tell me how lost ends?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in this episode: Eddie gets lost, Georgie has a lot of pent up aggression against Riverdale, and Richie is a side hoe

** short shorts hate **

eddison: I'm fucking lost

mike n ike: ???

eddison: I am lost I don't know where I am

eddison: I'm in some goddamn church and there's people everywhere

eddison: update; they're Boy Scouts???? really young????? What is a really young Boy Scout??????

jewish spice: cub scouts?

eddison: okay they're cub scouts

eddison: update 2; a lady just asked me who my wolf leader was???

eddison: I'm sixteen fucking years old but okay!!!!!!

trash man: Eddie why the fuck are you at a cub scouts meeting

eddison: I DONT KNOW I WAS DRIVING AND NOW IM HERE

aesthetic queen: where are you?

eddison: I mean

eddison: I'm lost

eddison: I don't know

aesthetic queen: OH

aesthetic queen: I got it

aesthetic queen: I get it

aesthetic queen: I'm slow

billiam: kakdkake eddie find out where you are lmao

it's raining ben: only one of us would get lost and find a cub scouts meeting

** short shorts hate **

eddison: update 3: I'm in lincoln

it's raining ben: EDDIE WHAT THE FUCK

jewish spice: HOW DID YOU MANAGE TO DRIVE ALL THE WAY TO LINCOLN AND NOT KNOW WHERE YOU WERE

eddison: I DONT KNOW STOP YELLING AT ME

mike n ike: it's literally an hour and a half long ride from Derry to Lincoln what the hell

eddison: i

eddison: I'm not a proud person

jewish spice: yeah you shouldn't be

eddison: STOP

billiam: end the bullying.

eddison: :o bill

eddison: after I was so mean to you

billiam: I luv u

eddison: omg I luv u too

trash man: I can't believe my boyfriend is cheating on me with my brother :/

trash man: bill imma tell georgie

billiam: snitches get stitches rich

billiam: and do you really want any more stitches cause I'll make sure you need a lot

billiam: yippee kaiyay bitch let's have a rustle

it's raining ben: hey bill

billiam: ya

it's raining ben: what the FUCK are you talking about

billiam: idk man

jewish spice: bill go to sleep

billiam: no.

aesthetic queen: pleas we care about you

billiam: i want to stay here with stan. he keep me worm.

jewish spice: I'm right next to you and I'm telling you to go to sleep

billiam: fine. you don't care about me

jewish spice: would I be lying right the fuck next to you if I didn't care about you

billiam: point taken. Good nite all

mike n ike: good nite bill

trash man: good nite bill

eddison: good night for me too

eddison: I'm just gonna spend the night in lincoln

trash man: mood

mike n ike: gnight

jewish spice: bring back the ben text "eddie finna get SNATCHED"

it's raining ben: true

aesthetic queen: don't stay in a shady ass motel

eddison: the fuck that's all I have money for

mike n ike: here lies eddie kaspbrak

mike n ike: he was driving for like the fourth time ever and was safe but got lost in lincoln and is going to die

mike n ike: and if he doesn't die at the hands of a shady murderer

mike n ike: he is going to die tomorrow at the hands of sonia kaspbrak

eddison: UH RT HOPE YOU GUYS ARE READY FOR MY WILL

eddison: IM LEAVING EVERYTHING TO GEORGIE

trash man: that means we get to mooch off of it bill aww yesss

billiam: yeahhh boiiii

eddison: JK IM LEAVING EVERYTHING TO MIKE

mike n ike: heck yeah!

aesthetic queen: Eddie what do you have that any of us would want anyways

jewish spice: pills for when I fucking kill mys- wanna get high

it's raining ben: also the kid has a drawer full of savings

** short shorts hate **

eddison: the sun is out and I'm feelin okay

eddison: hope you all know that I am gay

it's raining ben: that's kinda gay dude :/

trash man: omg I had no idea :0

trash man: I thought I was dating a str8

jewish spice: sorry my mom said I'm not allowed to be friends with you effective immediately

aesthetic queen: stan is hydrophobic guys :(

mike n ike: stan that's so mean :(

jewish spice: I'm sorry guys gay is against my religion :(

billiam: yeah that's not what you were saying when we were making out last night js

eddison: and today on Things I Did Not Need To Hear™

it's raining ben: why can't we be pure for like a day

aesthetic queen: have u met any of us

it's raining ben: true

jewish spice: I feel exposed

jewish spice: like bill can u close ur mouth once in a while

trash man: Eddie likes to wear a hat with a duck on it while we make out

eddison: THATS NOT TRUE

trash man: ur right it's not

trash man: lol

mike n ike: do I even wanna know what the fuck is going on anymore

billiam: no

mike n ike: noted. Goodnight everyone

eddison: mike it's 10 am?

mike n ike: Depresión

trash man: oh mood

** denbros **

maturwin: who is playing the riverdale version of milkshakes

maturwin: im going to punch them

billiam: I'm not home rn so

maturwin: RICHIE IM GOING TO COME INTO YOUR ROOM TONIGHT AND FILL YOUR PILLOWCASE WITH MARBLES

trash man: please take pity on me

maturwin: no.

trash man: I have been forsaken

maturwin: don't be surprised if all your school supplies are covered in wet socks tomorrow morning

maturwin: and turn off that riverdale music its worse than glee

trash man: glee music actually wasn't half bad tho

maturwin: u know what ur right

maturwin: the riverdale singers aren't terrible but the song choices

maturwin: cringe

billiam: we don't do cringe culture in this house georgeson

maturwin: you're not in the same house as me billothy

billiam: .

** short shorts hate **

eddison: alright kids wish me luck

eddison: I'm going into my house

aesthetic queen: RIP

jewish spice: here lies eddie kaspbrak he has to face his mom

trash man: lmao boy bye

mike n ike: that's rude

eddison: actually it reminds me of the time I posted a selfie on Instagram and there were a couple comments saying nice things and then Richie just said "lmao big ass forehead"

billiam: such love

billiam: such affection

_aesthetic queen has changed her name to ass queen._

ass queen: fuck all y'all

jewish spice: this is completely random

jewish spice: but also entirely fitting

it's raining ben: Beverly, queen of ass

trash man: bev is the queen of my ass

ass queen: YOU KNOW IT RICH

ass queen: [dafuq.jpg]

mike n ike: my wig? Snatched™

jewish spice: what a GODDESS

billiam: truly an icon

it's raining ben: the best human being ever to exist

ass queen: alright I'm going now don't talk to me

trash man: where

ass queen: self defonse

ass queen: [yeet.mov]

jewish spice: omg who is that I think I'm in love

ass queen: her name is audra she's a tenth grader @ our school

it's raining ben: omg yeah I've seen her doesn't she do the school news show

ass queen: yes omg she's an amazing actress

mike n ike: OH she's the one who was in that movie then everyone wanted to be friends with her lmao

trash man: she stares at us all the time and I thought it was because she thought we were weird but rumour has it she's in love with bill

billiam: O M G

jewish spice: hm too bad he's a big gay :/

billiam: a big pan

jewish spice: a big pan who has a boyfriend that is a big gay :/

billiam: this is true

** short shorts hate **

eddison: LAST NIGHT I HAD A DREAM

eddison: I found myself in a desert called

eddison: cYbErLaNd

eddison: it was hot!

eddison: my canteen had sprung a leak and I was-

eddison: thorsty

trash man: explain

eddison: no

mike n ike: explain

eddison: my mom was so mad at me so I locked myself in my room and watched rent four times

trash man: okay first. you spent eight hours watching rent four times? and second. how dare you not explain things to me but explain them to mike

eddison: mike is my husband

trash man: I've been a side piece this whole time?!??!

mike n ike: move along side hoe

mike n ike: its HANLON TIME

mike n ike: not really but im just amazig

billiam: amazig

ass queen: amazig

jewish spice: amazig

mike n ike: hi my name is amazig

it's raining ben: ok bowie

eddison: you know who reminds me of David Bowie??? Anthony Rapp

it's raining ben: I think you've had too much rent for one day eddie

eddison: NO FUCK YOU

it's raining ben: okay then

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me @ Stephen King: give us the spinoff novel about Audra Phillips Denbrough you coward
> 
> I love Audra so much y'all don't even know lmao
> 
> im debating keeping the main gc name short shorts hate what y'all think should I leave it or go back to the losers club™?
> 
> Also my public Instagram is @mr_adequate_bar and I rly need friends


	18. 2 break in a glov

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in this episode: hairspray, poptropica, and King Stan

** PRIVATE MESSAGE **

**  
ass queen >>> trash man **

ass queen: richierichierichierichierichierichierichie

trash man: yes mom

ass queen: r u auditioning for hairsptsay

ass queen: hhairlapray

ass queen: hairspray

trash man: absolutely the fuck not

ass queen: RICHIE U SUCK!!!!!

ass queen: why not

trash man: i like stage managing

ass queen: but like u were so good in spring awakening :/

trash man: I know but like

trash man: it's a lot of work

trash man: and I've been so tired lately

ass queen: well stop sexting ur bf at night hun

trash man: no not like that!

trash man: just like

trash man: tired

trash man: of everything

ass queen: oh it's like that :( I'm sorry

ass queen: it'll get better i promise

ass queen: ilu

trash man: ilu too

trash man: maybe if I get to feeling better at some point

trash man: I know that I'd like to a lot but idk

**short shorts hate**

eddison: [heslep.jpg]

eddison: why is ben sleeping in psychology idk but he looks adorable

mike n ike: soft

billiam: !!!!

ass queen: it's because he's been playing that fucking game

ass queen: he stayed up until 1 am last night

jewish spice: what game

ass queen: it's pop trip

ass queen: pop trop

ass queen: something

ass queen: rain drop drop top

jewish spice: POPTROPICA?!!?

ass queen: yeh that's it!

jewish spice: THAT GAME IS MY SHIT

eddison: omg the best game ever

ass queen: do you all know about this game except for me

billiam: I think so lol

trash man: fuck I based all of my fifth grade fashion off my poptropica character !

mike n ike: I loved that game so much

mike n ike: my avatar was always some weird color of skin from early poptropica bc the choices for black skin sucked

jewish spice: yah but now they have colorizer where u can make ur skin and hair color whatever u want

mike n ike: omg. that means I can have aesthetic pastel blue skin?????

billiam: u sure can mike.

mike n ike: [gtgchicken.jpg]

trash man: ANYAYS

trash man: even tho ben looks like an angelic adorable little soft baby u should probably gently rock him awake before prof c kills him

eddison: omg we don't have her today we have mrs king because prof c is sick

eddison: so we're blessed

trash man: holy shit that is a blessing

eddison: five dollars and ill video myself kicking him out of his chair

trash man: EDDIE NO

billiam: Eddie let the boy sleep

mike n ike: Let. Him. Rest.

ass queen: I will hit you

jewish spice: if u wake up my son I'm going to hit you with a sock full of vegetable oil

eddison: specific. i like it.

eddison: ok I won't do it U guys are no fun

trash man: Eddie are you drunk

eddison: I'm not under liability to answer that question

ass queen: KEJAKNFJWJFKQKA

** short shorts hate **

ass queen: I love the greatest showman :/

jewish spice: understandable

jewish spice: next question

trash man: underSTANdable

_jewish spice has removed trash man from the chat._

billiam: JSJFJWKSJWJJSJS

eddison: STAN AKDJAKKA

it's raining ben: mood!

mike n ike: the only mood honestly

ass queen: maybe we can have some goddamn peace and quiet for once

mike n ike: [rulte.mov]

billiam: NO

billiam: not this goddamn song again I swear to god

billiam: mike I'm gonna come over to ur house and kill u

mike n ike: I'm waiting

mike n ike: ;)))))) pls come kill me

billiam: omw bb

jewish spice: ignoring the infidelity going on right before my eyes,,,,

mike n ike: JSFKAK

eddison: Same

jewish spice: Beverly what is with the sudden adoration for the greatest showman

it's raining ben: we just got out of the theatre and Beverly hasn't stopped talking about it

ass queen: actually I've been talking a lot all day about books and movies and physics and hairspray auditions because I have a sore on the roof of my mouth and it feels like satans asshole has entered me and won't leave until I've endured the highest amount of pain that is humanly possible

_jewish spice has removed ass queen from the chat._

billiam: akdkkskskks

it's raining ben: stan is going to remove everyone from this chat eventually

mike n ike: stan: welcome to the losers club! it's just me.

jewish spice: as it should be

eddison: the free version has the annoying pop up ads of Beverly and Richie whereas when you upgrade to premium you get the five of us without them

eddison: jk lmao but what if

it's raining ben: sounds like poptropica

_jewish spice has removed it's raining ben from the chat._

billiam: BEN

mike n ike: NOOOOOOOO

jewish spice: I am having NONE of this bullshit today

** short shorts hate **

_billiam has added ass queen, it's raining ben, and trash man to the chat._

trash man: thanks bro

billiam: no problem bro

trash man: bro

billiam: bro

trash man: bro

jewish spice: would you guys like to be evicted from the chat

trash man: no

jewish spice: thanks you

trash man: no bro

trash man: thank u

jewish spice: for what

trash man: making my eyebrows look good in comparison to yours

eddison: ,,,,

ass queen: LMAO

jewish spice: that makes no sense!!!!! I am also offended

billiam: get fucked

jewish spice: by you? I thought u were cheating on me with mike

billiam: no im too racist to date mike :/

mike n ike: yah get with it stan :/

jewish spice: you people are mean

** short shorts hate **

trash man: [listen.mov]

it's raining ben: I love my wife

billiam: god bless Beverly marsh

eddison: is she reenacting that vine

trash man: lmao yes

mike n ike: a

mike n ike: PUT ME ON THE SHELF DISCIPLINE MYSELF TO LET THE SPARKS DIE OUT

billiam: where r u headed

trash man: hairspay auditions

billiam: amazing I hope you get tracy

trash man: id be an amazing tracy if I wasn't 5'3" and 87 pounds

eddison: I don't think that's healthy???

trash man: idk with how much shit I eat you'd expect me to be so much bigger but no

trash man: all that food only gave me acne :/

it's raining ben: that's hilarious cause I'm the opposite my skin is flawless and I'm fat

ass queen: rt if ur jealous of bens skin

mike n ike: rt

jewish spice: RT

billiam: rt

trash man: uh BIG rt

eddison: rt rt rt rt rt

it's raining ben: [iwokeuplikedis.jpg]

** short shorts hate **

ass queen: [castlist.jpg]

ass queen: aww yeah I'm not the villain

billiam: AND you're SUPPOSED to be a bad dancer! Perfect!

ass queen: I will not let bills bullying deter me from my excitement of playing a role that has been performed by the likes of queen ariana grande and amanda bynes

trash man: oh shit I'm the king of my ass cornelius collins

trash man: damn it I wanted to be the mom

ass queen: I thought I was queen of your ass Richie

eddison: that's me

billiam: hold back I think I'm gonna vomit

it's raining ben: I should've been tracy

eddison: uh this is true 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I relate to ben with my fatass and perfect skin lmao
> 
> once again my Instagram is @mr_adequate_bar and I'd suggest u follow me before Icome to ur house and murder u


	19. you called King Arthur a thot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in this episode: crying children, gross teenage boys, and SO many mpgis references

** short shorts hate **

billiam: guys richie is on the floor sobbing and I'm about to start

billiam: this is the best day ever I'm GUSHING

mike n ike: oml what happened

billiam: [cri.jpg]

billiam: apparently George has been saving up money from his birthday and Christmas

billiam: and he got us these little chest binders that are so nice and george put stickers on them and !!!!!

billiam: Richie is on the FLOOR and he's like "I've never had a real one before" and it's so goddamn precious

ass queen: I LOVE GEORGE

jewish spice: I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH

eddison: feature me; SOBBING

it's raining ben: I m ded

** short shorts hate **

trash man: I AM DECEASED

mike n ike: RICHIE

ass queen; FICHIE

billiam: fichie

jewish spice: fichie

eddison: fishie

mike n ike: aww omg i love fishes

trash man: I am the #1 fish

** short shorts hate **

ass queen: YOU GUYS STAN IS BULLYING ME

jewish spice: THATS A LIE

eddison: u sure cause I can hear everyone yelling from madame dumont's classroom across the hall

ass queen: HE PUSHED ME OUT OF MY FUCKING CHAIR

jewish spice: YOU CALLED KING ARTHUR A THOT

ass queen: HE IS A THOT

eddison: he really is

jewish spice: E D D I E

mike n ike: [kermitsewerslide.gif]

trash man: UH

trash man: the BIGGEST mood

billiam: did I tell you guys that my drag name is thotticus prime

it's raining ben: BILL WE ARE NOT DOING THIS AGAIN

ass queen: THOTTICUS PRIME

ass queen: KDCNEKSKSKW

mike n ike: UH SAME

eddison: DOES ANYONE WANNA EXPLAIN WHY MY INSTAGRAM IS BEING SHIT

trash man: it's your dance moms fan acc it got hacked

eddison: ENOUFH WITH THE FUCKING DSNCE MOMS

ass queen: no mines doing it to I hate it

eddison: FUCK

trash man: STOP YELLING THE BABY IS TRYING TO SLEEP

eddison: OH GOD RICHIE WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME

trash man: NO

trash man: no

trash man: THE BABY IS ME

eddison: OH OKAY

eddison: GOT A LITTLE WORRIED THERE

ass queen: Richie King Arthur is a thot and you're sleeping

trash man: u kno I honestly don't know how Mr Kelly doesn't call me out for sleeping in physics when there's only 6 people in this class but I am not complaining

mike n ike: I feel

short shorts hate

eddison: u ever layin in bed and then you make a tinder for fun bc you're bored and then eventually you realize it's really fun and decide to finesse ur way into getting a sugar daddy

trash man: u already have a sugar daddy ;)

eddison: Richie shut the fuck up you pregnant Canadian bitch

trash man: :o

eddison: I'm sorry that was harsh

billiam: ,,,,

billiam: Eddie what the FUCK

jewish spice: bill you have no right to judge them you fucking furry

it's raining ben: ya but what about when ur texting with bill in furry talk stan :/

mike n ike: YES HUN

mike n ike: EXPOSE HIM

ass queen: is no one going to talk about Eddie's perfect mpgis reference there

eddison: and a good fuck yourself to you too saison maugerite

jewish spice: YEAH let's talk about that

ass queen: oh no we're definitely coming back to your furry tendencies

_jewish spice has left the chat._

trash man: MEKDKDNNEKAMFDIEK

billiam: IWJEJWISKA

ass queen: LATER TATER

eddison: pls bring him back

_eddison has added jewish spice to the chat._

jewish spice: why are you the way that you are

mike n ike: eddie IS brittnay tbh

eddison: u know it

trash man: this is true eddie is so salty

it's raining ben: hes not really as violent as brittnay

it's raining ben: but it's mainly because eddie is too small to be considered a threat to anyone

eddison: HEY FUCK YOU

it's raining ben: that's what richie is for?

trash man: ;))))))))

eddison: :/

ass queen: OKAY

ass queen: let's end that conversation there

mike n ike: fuck

mike n ike: okay now we can end it

ass queen: ya mike when we fighting

mike n ike: whenever wherever

mike n ike: but my bedtime is 8:30 so :/

billiam: same

jewish spice: same

trash man: same

** PRIVATE MESSAGE **

** eddison >>> trash man **

eddison: richieeeeeeeee

eddison: how long is ur rehearsal tonightttttttttttt

trash man: we get out at 9

trash man: y

eddison: :)

trash man: gross teenage boy is gross

eddison: STFU WHAT DO YOU KNOW

eddison: WHAT IF I WANTED TO CUDDLE AND WATCH HIMYM WITH YOU

trash man: we know damn well that's not what U wanted

eddison: don't @ me

** short shorts hate **

ass queen: [nyoom.jpg]

ass queen: lmao bye richie

mike n ike: running away from the lies™

jewish spice: 20 dollars he left so quick bc he forgot about Kelly's lab report

trash man: that's not it no but I DID FORGET ABOUT THAT I'L HAVE TO DO IT LATER

billiam: how is richie still making straight A's

trash man: I may have straight a's but I'm not straight and I don't have A's

trash man: (cameron van buren voice) I'm talking about my boobs

ass queen: wym bill we all know richie hypnotised all his teachers

trash man: don't call me out beverly now the government agent in my phone is gonna come get me

ass queen: GOOD RIDDANCE

jewish spice: WHY DOES BEVERLY WANT ALL HER FRIENDS GONE

ass queen: Richie has a better ass than me that's why I want him gone

trash man: Beverly,,,,sweaty,,,,

trash man: all six of us have better asses than you

** ass queen has removed trash man from the chat. **

billiam: BEVERLY AMELIA MARSH

billiam: ADD RICHIES GAY ASS BACK

ass queen: NO

billiam: BEVERLY

ass queen: NO

mike n ike: imma need the other two to come get their mans who are acting like five year olds

jewish spice: why can't we all be normal for once

it's raining ben: HAHAHAHHAHHAHHAHA

it's raining ben: good one stan

billiam: hey where did the cheesy fuckers go

jewish spice: u know why did u ever start calling Eddie and Richie the cheesy fuckers

billiam: idk

billiam: I like the name tho

it's raining ben: me fucking too

mike n ike: they're so cheesy

billiam: but seriously Richfield is not home yet

billiam: NDJCENKAKSJE

billiam: MY OHONE JUST AUTOCORRECTED RICHIE TO RICHFIELD IT HAS N E V E R DONE THAT

jewish spice: BIG MOOD

ass queen: same

mike n ike: anyways if richfield isn't home he's probably with his other half

billiam: yeah I don't think he'd run away again I think I'm okay

jewish spice: do you ever cry while listening to a certain song sometimes

ass queen: yeah

mike n ike: uh yeah

billiam: oh yeah definitely

billiam: r u sad? Do you want me to come cuddle u?

jewish spice: yeos

it's raining ben: how are you all so affectionate with each other so late at night if I was awake past 10 pm my mom would crucify me

ass queen: yah and ur mom SUCKS

it's raining ben: ,,,it's true but not important

jewish spice: WKDKSKSA

_it's raining ben has added trash man to the chat._

jewish spice: he's not even responding

it's raining ben: yes but I enjoy knowing I'll have someone to support me through the bullshit y'all put me through in this chat

billiam: most of the bullshit we go through in this chat is BECAUSE of richie

it's raining ben: I beg to differ cause I renamed it billshit

billiam: I am shit

jewish spice: NO YOURE NOT FIGHT ME

billiam: id rather not

** PRIVATE MESSAGE  
jewish spice >>> billiam **

jewish spice: r u okay?

billiam: yah. just a little sad.

jewish spice: what's wrong?

billiam: idk I've just been feeling rly off lately. I haven't had my meds refilled in a long time so that's probably it

jewish spice: uh yah that's probably it

jewish spice: I guess it's good ur coming over cause I will kiss the boo boo and make it better

billiam: that's so cheesy

billiam: but you can't kiss my brain??

jewish spice: no but I can kiss your mouth which is the next best thing

billiam: :o

** short shorts hate **

eddison: you guys fucking suck

billiam: o if we were wrong then why didn't richie come home last night

trash man: [cute.jpg]

trash man: look @ how adorable this kid is

eddison: :,)

eddison: I'm lov u

jewish spice: the duality of man

eddison: I can be yuor angle,,,, or yuor devle

ass queen: usually our devil

it's raining ben: my little devil

mike n ike: six teenagers raising one hell demon

billiam: id watch that

trash man: fuck me too

eddison: Richie if you're going to be awake now pls turn your brightness down

trash man: I'm sorry darling

eddison: thonk

short shorts hate

ass queen: god why can't I be miss andrew's bird from Mary poppins :/

mike n ike: mood

jewish spice: ???????

trash man: Im GoInG tO fEtCh CaRuSo, My LaRk

trash man: cARuSoooOOOooooOoOOo

eddison: rip caruso

billiam: uh big mood

it's raining ben: I love birds

jewish spice: U STOLE MY LINE

mike n ike: I HATE BIRDS

jewish spice: and yet I'm still friends with you

mike n ike: it's cause I'm amazing :/

jewish spice: ya sure keep thinking that sweaty :/

_mike and ike has removed jewish spice from the chat._

eddison: can we go one day without removing people from the chat

mike n ike: no.

eddison: noted. thanks mike

mike n ike: you're welcome bitch

_billiam has added jewish spice to the chat._

jewish spice: well I guess the turntables

mike n ike: :(

jewish spice: I'm back bitches

trash man: what a comeback

trash man: an icon

jewish spice: that I am

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you can point out all of the MPGIS references in the chapter you get approval from me
> 
> For some reason i felt like I had to get this out before tomorrow idk why but here it is!
> 
> My Instagram is @mr_adequate_bar and it's so lit I've made friends and felt so good tbh!!!!


	20. eddie the scammer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in this episode: mike's trombone fetish, calling eddie out on his shit, and everyone worrying about bill (with good reason)

** short shorts hate **

trash man: if she breathe she a thot

eddison: mood

ass queen: uh same

billiam: throwback to when bev sang santa baby at the christmas showcase last year and gr*ta called her a hoe just for singing it

eddison: oh yeah im catfishing her

jewish spice: WHt

billiam: EDDIE WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT

eddison: a bitch deserves it

it's raining ben: leave it to fucking eddie

it's raining ben: an open paint can in her locker wasnt enough

it's raining ben: you're going full Joanne the scammer

eddison: I'm a REAL messy bitch

eddison: who lives for drama

trash man: this is so true if you ever need someone to lurk for you you go to eddie

ass queen: u know how in teen movies there's always that one person who serves as like an underlying not really narrator but they're a narrator and they're always known as the school gossip

ass queen: that's eddie

jewish spice: and it's really great cause no one would ever expect it like one look at Eddie and u think he's someone who can keep a secret then two hours later everyone knows

jewish spice: no offense eddie

eddison: none taken im shit at secret keeping

mike n ike: Eddie thinks everyone always needs to know the truth

mike n ike: sometimes it's tmi lmao

eddison: STOP NOW YOURE JUST CALLING ME OUT

billiam: eddie is a hypocrite

billiam: he spills secrets all the time yet he's catfishing gr*ta

eddison: this is abuse

** short shorts hate **

_trash man has changed the group name to mike's trombone fetish._

mike n ike: SHUT THE FUCK UP RICHIE

trash man: someone save me

billiam: do we want to know

trash man: mike has been practicing his god awful trombone for the past hour

trash man: my ears are bleeding

mike n ike: DONT BULLY RIHANNA LIKE THAT

it's raining ben: RIHANNA

ass queen: MIKE YOU NAMED YOUR TROMBONE RIHANNA

jewish spice: AIIDJAHDJJDNSNAJ

mike n ike: I lov her

mike n ike: she is my one true love

billiam: fair

jewish spice: considering mike probably won't marry one day

mike n ike: im aroace simply so I can marry my trombone

trash man: band boys make do

_mike n ike has removed trash man from the chat._

mike n ike: not in this courtroom

eddison: W A S T E D

billiam: whatever happened to people being supportive of their significant others

eddison: chivalry died when Richie was born

it's raining ben: that's rude

eddison: smh ben stop being a richie apologist

it's raining ben: I'm sorry

ass queen: who wants to talk about mikes trombone fetish

mike n ike: I DONT HAVE A TROMBONE FETISH

ass queen: well the chat name says otherwise soooooo

** denbros **

maturwin: hey when is one of you gonna get a job so you can buy me a new bike helmet

trash man: what's wrong with your current bike helmet

maturwin: some high school boy threw it down the gutter today

billiam: WHAT

trash man: WHO AM I SQUARING UP WITH

billiam: Richie we don't encourage violence

maturwin: funny I think richie absolutely should continue to encourage violence

maturwin: I don't remember his name but he had a rat tail

trash man: georgie don't worry

trash man: a bitch is about to go down the drain

billiam: if i add you back to the main chat will you stop swearing in front of our eleven year old

trash man: probably not but you should add me back anyway

maturwin: when can I get added to the main chat

billiam: when you start high school

maturwin: when you all started high school but stan was in eighth grade you let him be in it?!?

billiam: stans a special case

trash man: yeah special as in you're in love with him

billiam: I'm dating him???

trash man: regardless

**mike's trombone fetish**

_billiam has added trash man to the chat._

trash man: [fuckabitchup.jpg]

eddison: IMGONNAFIGHT

trash man: no eddie you stay out of this one

eddison: WHY

billiam: it's not gonna end well

eddison: ...

billiam: you got suspended last time eddie

eddison: a fair deal

ass queen: alright I'm squaring up withbowers who dares me to give him a haircut in the middle of the night

jewish spice: how would you get to him in the middle of the night

ass queen: with my feminine wiles

trash man: ben?

it's raining ben: 1. if it's for revenge im all for it 2. beverly is her own person and she can do as she pleases with her body

ass queen: im not crying I just have respecting women juice in my eye

mike n ike: throwback to last year when eddie c. made "I heard someone not respecting women over here" into a school wide joke and it actually helped with the way the girls at our school got treated

eddison: GOD I miss eddie c

eddison: true unproblematic fave

ass queen: I still don't know exactly why he left

mike n ike: cps took him and his brother away from their dad bc he was alcoholic and they had to move to indiana with their aunt and uncle and cousin :/

trash man: hm how great for cps to help kids from their alcoholic parents

mike n ike: oh rich im sorry

trash man: nah it's mostly fine I'm only a little salty

trash man: that's why I don't trust the government

trash man: except the FBI agent in my phone

trash man: I named him vincent

eddison: hm well I hope you and vincent live happily ever after :(

trash man: babe it's not what it looks like

eddison: tell me the truth rich

trash man: I'm sry

eddison: JAJSKANSJWJ

mike n ike: VINCENT

it's raining ben: Vincent the homewrecker

jewish spice: I mean at least it's not me this time

**PRIVATE MESSAGE**

**ass queen >>> it's raining ben**

ass queen: Me house after school!!

ass queen: avatar the last airbender marathon !!!!

it's raining ben: YES

it's raining ben: ABSOLUTELY

ass queen: I love you so much

it's raining ben: I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

**mike's trombone fetish**

jewish spice: [littleguy.jpg]

jewish spice: who the HELL put bill nye stickers all over my locker

ass queen: teehee

jewish spice: BEVERLY

ass queen: [NYOOMTHESEQUEL.jpg]

eddison: wow it wasn't me doing locker vandalization this time

billiam: yeah we gotta talk about your tendency of doing that Eddie my dude

eddison: NO

mike n ike: r we going to the quarry after school 2day before it gets too cold

trash man: ik Eddie and I are and then we're going to see flatliners for the fifth time

eddison: I never agreed to that

trash man: yeah but you might as well have

eddison: ,,,true

it's raining ben: uh me and and beverly are going to her house to binge ALTA sorry :/

trash man: BITCJ

mike n ike: PUSSY

it's raining ben: aw, I blew it

mike n ike: now that the quoting of that vine is over I'd like to apologize for the use of that word in a negative connotation

billiam: bless mike

mike n ike: yes, bless me

mike n ike: even though I'm the blessing

jewish spice: positiviti

** mike's trombone fetish **

jewish spice: why is it just me and mike and eddie at the quarry y'all are buzzkills

eddison: lameos

trash man: apologies

** PRIVATE MESSAGE **

** trash man >>> it's raining ben **

trash man: ALERT

trash man: ALERT

trash man: I'm worried abt bill idk what's going on

it's raining ben: omg what happened??

trash man: well he's been very weird fora while and I thought it was maybe seasonal or something since it's getting colder but like I just walked into our room and he was straight up sobbing and now he's crying in my lap and idk what to do ben help

it's raining ben: well is he saying anything???

trash man: THATS JUST IT

trash man: I asked him what was wrong and he got all defensive saying I had no right to pry into his life????

it's raining ben: that's weird for bill

it's raining ben: granted, that'd be weird for any of us since we tell each other a little too much most of the time

it's raining ben: but yeah that's weird

trash man: im thinking of investigating

it's raining ben: I mean just make sure he doesn't catch you while he's still upset

trash man: uh yeah then you can say rip me

trash man: tell Georgie I want a solid purple tie at my funeral

trash man: if u tell sharon she'll put me in that one with the seashells on it and I CANNOT be seen like that

it's raining ben: you'll be dead????

trash man: FASHIONABLE TO THE GRAVE

** PRIVATE MESSAGE **

** jewish spice >>> billiam **

jewish spice: hey do u feel any better?

billiam: I mean physically yes

billiam: emotionally I want to throw myself into the gutter

jewish spice: bill :(

jewish spice: it's gonna be okay

jewish spice: no matter what, I promise

billiam: rich sat with me while I was losing it and I snapped at him :(

billiam: I don't feel very good abt it

jewish spice: don't think too hard on it. just apologize, I'm sure he'll forgive you.

billiam: yeah probably . I guess I'm just rly worried.

jewish spice: don't be. It's all gonna work out.

jewish spice: and u have me! don't act like it's just u and jesus

billiam: stan you don't believe in jesus

jewish spice: shush

billiam: alrite then

** mike's trombone fetish **

eddison: u ever just look at someone as beautiful as ben hanscom and think "man how jealous can a bitch be"

it's raining ben: :')

it's raining ben: lov

it's raining ben: but just saying Eddie looks like a straight up god in those overalls

eddison: HOWDY

mike n ike: eddie why are you wearing overalls

eddison: to steal your aesthetic mike

eddison: as a farmer and as a anime sadboy

mike n ike: I am an anime sadboy :l

trash man: it's ok we still love you

ass queen: we love u mike

mike n ike: thanks guys :) i no longer have to be afraid of being the saddest anime boy

ass queen: alright it's time for me to go to bed

billiam: noooo mr Morrison always blames me when u fall asleep in English

ass queen: that's not my PROBLEMMMMMM

billiam: this is bullying :/

jewish spice: now you know how I feel in french class

ass queen: I'm a blessing

billiam: you're only a blessing if you're gonna help plan revenge against bowers

ass queen: I already said I was gonna seduce him and then chop off his rat tail and choke him with it

trash man: uh

eddison: I don't think you ever said anything about that last part

ass queen: oh no? Hm. I must've just thought it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> o no what is wrong with bill  
> Hahah jk I'm the Author ik exactly what's wrong with him
> 
> Instagram: mr_adequate_bar
> 
> Also I was in drivers Ed to day and I hate my life


	21. yeah but the point of Spider-Man 3 is that everything sucks and falls to shit!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this speisode: angst and anxiety

**mike's trombone fetish**

it's raining ben: lol I just love shaking with anxiety 24/7 :)

jewish spice: what's wrong???

it's raining ben: well I went and presented in front of my bio class and just about died and I feel so stupid because I talked really weirdly so now I'm all !:&3$/ because I feel so bad abt everything

trash man: imnsorry I hate public speaking too :/

ass queen: Richie you're an actor

trash man: well generally I'm a techie but when I'm onstage you can't rly see the audience with all the stage lights

trash man: during presentations at school you can see all of your peers clear as day

billiam: I feel u ben I'm literally shaking rly badly rn :(

mike n ike: nooo why?

billiam: anxiety

** PRIVATE MESSAGE **

** jewish spice >>> billiam **

jewish spice: im so sorry ur feeling anxious I feel so bad

billiam: u know what I wouldn't be feeling so bad if fucking coach smith hadn't taken my fidget cube since all the stupid ass sophomores keep using them as toys so ppl who actually need them can't use them

jewish spice: im a stupid ass sophomore

billiam: omg no way I'm a stupid ass junior

** mike's trombone fetish **

trash man: I still don't think ben should leave

it's raining ben: Richie I have to

it's raining ben: i go every year

trash man: A WHOLE FOUR DAYS

trash man: a whole four days without one of the holy Seven

trash man: not to mention my #1

eddison: I thought I was your #1

trash man: you're my #1 boyfriend

eddison: ????? Okay

it's raining ben: richie when did you last sleep

trash man: seventeen

jewish spice: good god

ass queen: we're a mess

mike n ike: aren't we all

mike n ike: wait

eddison: JWRJJWJDDBKW

it's raining ben: AKISJWKSDKKS

trash man: it's funny but not as funny as how shitty everything's gonna be when ben goes to jesus camp and we all DIE

it's raining ben: beep beep

ass queen: yah it's gonna be ok

ass queen: everything is gonna be okay

billiam: sure jan

** mike's trombone fetish **

trash man: I don't like this

ass queen: he's gone richie no phone access for four days

ass queen: deal w it

trash man: I don't WANNA

trash man: :(

** PRIVATE MESSAGE **

** trash man >>> eddison **

trash man: I'm anxiety

trash man: pls come to me

eddison: I'm sry I'm coming

eddison: where's ur brothers

trash man: Georgie is at tutoring and bill is god knows where

eddison: do you want food

trash man: I think if I eat anything I'll throw it up

eddison: that bad huh

eddison: you really don't want to break the Seven

trash man: it's not that :/

trash man: I was fiddling with my phone in physics because I got my little spinner thing confiscated since kids have been using them as toys

trash man: kelly took it and I felt horrible and I knew I needed to keep in touch with y'all since my meds ran out and my case got closed

trash man: THEN during lunch I went to go get it back and I had to explain the situation to him and just about died

trash man: then when I went to the front office to get it my phone wasn't there so I went back to kelly and he was like "that's impossible I put it up there"

trash man: then he went into his pocket and MY PHONE WAS IN THERE

trash man: turns out he put HIS phone in the bucket in the office

trash man: it was funny but I've been shaking thinking abt it all day

eddison: I get that :( I'm sorry

eddison: I'm omw

trash man: yay :)

** PRIVATE MESSAGE **

** billiam >>> jewish spice **

billiam: good lord help me

billiam: I think I should go to the doctor

jewish spice: what you weren't planning on doing that already??

billiam: no???

jewish spice: bill.

jewish spice: it's ok I'll go with you

jewish spice: and if the doctors weird abt you I'll punch him in the face

billiam: lol

jewish spice: what's wrong

billiam: I don't want you going with me

jewish spice: WHY

billiam: it's embarrassing!

billiam: I feel so weird and unmasculine :/

billiam: see this couldn't happen to you!!!

jewish spice: it's just as much my mess so uh yeah I'm going

jewish spice: I love you I'm not letting you go alone

billiam: okay.

billiam: I just

billiam: I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO

jewish spice: i know I'm sorry I don't

jewish spice: I don't know if anyone knows what to do in this situation

billiam: I mean

billiam: I CAN BARELY TAKE CARE OF GEORGIE AND RICHIE

billiam: WHAT MAKES GOD THINK I CAN TAKE CARE OF A REAL BABY

billiam: we'd be terrible dads

jewish spice: uh you'd be amazing

jewish spice: you're so sweet

jewish spice: id try to teach the fucking kid how to ride a bike before they could walk

billiam: lol

** mike's trombone fetish **

mike n ike: [uhhhhh.mov]

trash man: MY MAN

trash man: EVERYONE THATS MY FUCKING BOYFRIEND

jewish spice: those shorts i think I'm dead

trash man: omg wait a minute Eddie you fucking hypocrite you never let me wear short shorts

eddison: we were doing hip hop combos how could I not

mike n ike: Eddie only wears short shorts for hip hop and stiletto

trash man: TF IS STILETTO

billiam: dancing in heels

trash man: AND IVE NEVER SEEN PICTURES

eddison: NO

eddison: I look like a straight up HOE dancing in heels

trash man: I've seen you in things that make you look like a hoe and somehow I've never thought of heels

_eddison has removed trash man from the chat._

eddison: I hope you all know he's lying

ass queen: WKRNKSKFKWAM

mike n ike: gettignn defensive now are we

eddison: go frick yourself mike

billiam: eddie mike if you're in the same room why are you texting each other

eddison: idk why ARENT you here bill

billiam: I don't do hip hop I Suck

billiam: u all saw me last time

mike n ike: yah it was real funny to watch

billiam: u suck mike

mike n ike: SAYS WHO

**mike's trombone fetish**

mike n ike: you fools. you absolute buffoons.

mike n ike: I cannot believe that this, in the year of our lord, has happened to me

mike n ike: and none of you warned me

eddison: what happened

mike n ike: I broke my fucking ankle

mike n ike: im in Derry hospital ladies hmu

_eddison has added trash man to the chat._

trash man: WHATD I TELL YOU

trash man: WHAT DID I F U C. K I N G TELL YOU

trash man: mike sweaty I'm so sorry

trash man: that an ugly ass bitch like ben would break the Seven and let you break your ankle

trash man: this is all his fault

billiam: NOTHING is ever bens fault

ass queen: Richie I'm gonna throw some hands

trash man: I'm so sorry

trash man: I take it back

trash man: I'll do whatever I can to redeem myself

ass queen: then P E R I S H

trash man: no im already anxious enough m

eddison: I'll take his punishment

eddison: I've dug my fingernails into the palms of my hands about four times today :)

trash man: Eddie noooo

jewish spice: :( what's wrong

eddison: my mom is Shiti

eddison: I made an 80 on my English quiz and she's literally gonna murder me when I get home :)

eddison: it's fine :)))))

ass queen: god everything is falling apart

jewish spice: also no you're not going. Home after school

jewish spice: we're going to see mike

jewish spice: we'll probably be out all night

jewish spice: so you'll probably have to stay with someone else

jewish spice: as in

jewish spice: not have to go home

eddison: bless :)

eddison: and that was an actual happy face

** PRIVATE MESSAGE **

** trash man >>> billiam **

trash man: hey where r u?

trash man: you've been gone a lot???

billiam: I'm fine

trash man: bill we sleep in the same bed you can't hide from me

billiam: I'm at the doctor

billiam: I'm with Stan it's fine

trash man: what about parental units

billiam: NO

billiam: richie they can't know

billiam: can't know im here

trash man: oh

trash man: what's going on?

trash man: I'm worried please tell me

trash man: I'm going to keep annoying you until you tell me

trash man: Bill

billiam: we're at the ob gyn

trash man: oh

trash man: OH???

billiam: Richie I already feel shitty about this I don't need you to joke

trash man: right right obvi

trash man: just,,, lemme know what they say ok?

billiam: yeah yeah of course

** mike's trombone fetish **

it's raining ben: I'm home!!!!

it's raining ben: hello my frens

it's raining ben: ok???

** PRIVATE MESSAGE **

** it's raining ben >>> trash man **

it's raining ben: well that welcome wasn't very warm

trash man: it's like that gif from community where the guy walks in with the pizza and everythings fallen to shit

trash man: ben I'm finna lock you in my house so you don't break the holy Seven and let this happen again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha lol BYE GUYS
> 
> Instagram: mr_adequate_bar
> 
> Also that thing with my physics teacher and my phone happened today and it was hilarious


	22. a change would do you good

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in this episode: love and acceptance, lol u thought, and anxious kids

**mike's trombone fetish**

_trash man has added maturwin to the chat._

maturwin: mike how could you

mike n ike: GEORGE

mike n ike: IM SORRY

it's raining ben: I can't believe George fucking killed mike

maturwin: oh I'm sorry

mike n ike: :'(

maturwin: NO DONT CRY

jewish spice: y'all are gonna make bill cry

ass queen: since when do you say y'all stan

trash man: oh I've heard it

maturwin: yeah me too

trash man: unfortunately we have

maturwin: my room just isn't soundproof enough :/

_jewish spice has removed maturwin and trash man from the chat._

jewish spice: just taking out the trash

mike n ike: y'all a bunch of konky motherfuckers

jewish spice: now is not the time

_it's raining ben has added trash man and maturwin to the chat._

it's raining ben: and y'all are mean

eddison: I've had enough of the y word

jewish spice: yeet

trash man: yote

maturwin: yikes

jewish spice: yikes indeed

** PRIVATE MESSAGE **

** billiam >>> trash man **

billiam: just got out

trash man: what'd they say??????

billiam: there was a false positive

trash man: oh thank god

billiam: I know I feel like I can let out one giant deep breath I was holding

billiam: k so parents don't find out about this at all.

trash man: ok?

billiam: they'll lose their shit I promise I've seen it

trash man: this would've had to have happened before for you to have seen it and I know for a fact is hasn't so

billiam: Don't @ me I don't want to see it start

trash man: lmao okay

trash man: i hope this doesn't happen again but idk how to prevent it

trash man: OH WAIT I DO KNOW

trash man: use protection

billiam: FUCK you

** mike's trombone fetish **

billiam: WHOMST THE FUCK

_billiam has removed maturwin from the chat._

billiam: you all have betrayed me

ass queen: chill bro

billiam: I CANT CHILL BEVERLY YOU ALL HURT ME

billiam: this is the worst thing to happen to me ever

trash man: sure jan

billiam: HSSKIT

billiam: shut your hell richie

_ass queen has changed their name to gremlin._

trash man: how many times will this happen

gremlin: as many times as I want it to

trash man: when will it end

gremlin: never

**denbros**

billiam: im going to murder you both in ur sleep

maturwin: finally

trash man: thank god

billiam: that's so sad but mood

**mike's trombone fetish**

billiam: JESUS FUCKING GODDAMN CHRIST

gremlin: what is it this time

billiam: I can't believe I spent that much money going to the ob gyn only for Mother Nature to Carrie™ me two goddamn days later

gremlin: rip

mike n ike: not gonna ask what you were doing at the ob gyn but rip

eddison: could you not keep it in your pants until you got to protection stanley

jewish spice: AURJSJDKAZ FUCK YOU

trash man: abraca fuck youuu

eddison: square up richie

it's raining ben: NO

it's raining ben: no more goddamn fighting I'm begging

billiam: I hate you all

billiam: I don't mind the jokes but like it was so scary

gremlin: I'm sorry that happnef

gremlin: haoppend

gremlin: hapnfend

gremlin: what the fucj

gremlin: I'm suffering

eddison: I think it's time for a nap

mike n ike: I like nap time

billiam: I haven't had a nap in like four years I don't think anyone in our family has slept in about six months

trash man: I woke up at three am once and went into the bathroom to george staring at his reflection and all he said was "i am a void for whatever god their is to possess"

trash man: I think he may be possessed but I don't think it's god

jewish spice: *there

trash man: no it was a few nights ago

mike n ike: rich,,,,,

trash man: what

trash man: OH

trash man: good god stan you fucking grammar nazi

jewish spice: :)

billiam: exhibit a

it's raining ben: why don't the denbros just go home

billiam: I have dance class after school

billiam: it's bring a friend week I'm taking george to ballet tonite

trash man: yeah cause he hates me

trash man: jk I hate dancing

trash man: does not work

trash man: I don't like these fucking chest grenades

trash man: bounce bounce BOOM motherfucker

it's raining ben: exhibit b

billiam: exhibit b

jewish spice: why

eddison: bEcAuSe

mike n ike: JSJFKSKSLS

** mike's trombone fetish **

eddison: how would you all feel if I became a kidz bop performer

trash man: I'd break up with you

it's raining ben: I'd ask you out

gremlin: id break up with ben and ask Richie out

trash man: bring back the ADHD fueled excitement that was life when we were dating

mike n ike: please no

eddison: everyone was so tired and richie and bev were just like SINDLSFKWKDNWKDMEJSANKWKED

jewish spice: I think that was the longest I was ever out of the GC

gremlin: y'all are so mean what if Richie and I ever wanted to start dating again for real

it's raining ben: id be very sad

eddison: me too

mike n ike: me too

jewish spice: me too

billiam: me too

trash man: traitors

gremlin: what happened to love and acceptance

jewish spice: it ded

trash man: damn

mike n ike: rip love and acceptance

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a dance competition tomorrow and I'm so tired and anxious  
> Uhhh Sorry if updates are few and far between I'm an anxieous girl
> 
> Instagram: mr_adequate_bar


	23. s*lena g*mez

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in this episode: lettuce, bullies, and cuddling

**mike's trombone fetish**

gremlin: if he make out with every other member of the losers club he a thot

trash man: I don't appreciate being called out

trash man: also I haven't made out with bill

billiam: we're brothers

trash man: exactly why I haven't made out with you

eddison: let's end this discourse rn

eddison: bev Richie aren't you in the same room

trash man: no they dragged bev into another room to practice her kissing scene oooooooh

gremlin: yah it's with Eddie's mom

gremlin: HAH STOLE UR THUNDER

trash man: damn she did that

eddison: im going to lose my mind oh my g o d

mike n ike: you already have

eddison: this is true

jewish spice: if you guys don't shut up I'm gonna use the y word again

eddison: mood I wanna keep watching big hero 6

trash man: WHOS WATCHING BIG HERO 6

it's raining ben: me n eddie

eddison: I'm laying my head on his shoulder

jewish spice: haha gay

trash man: I can't believe our boyfriends are cheating on us while we're at rehearsal bev

gremlin: I feel betrayed

**mike's trombone fetish**

eddison: somebody at this dance competition just danced to a piano version of 500 miles and I just wanna know who the asshat that thought that was a good idea is

eddison: I just wanna talk

it's raining ben: JAKDKSM THATS SO FUNNY

it's raining ben: WHY THAT SONG

billiam: wait a minute is that the one that's like

billiam: I would walk five hundred miles and I would walk five hundred more

billiam: with the jamaican guy

eddison: YES

gremlin: ALKDEKXSKDKLL

billiam: NO

billiam: I WANNA HEAR IT

jewish spice: I DO NOT WANNA HEAR IT

mike n ike: DID U TAKE AVIDEO EDDIE

eddison: yeah the number was actually amazing

eddison: but the song

eddison: god

trash man: that's not fun

trash man: I don't like that

it's raining ben: funny I love it

it's raining ben: god I wanted to barf typing that

it's raining ben: WHAT TO HECK???

eddison: Big mood

** PRIVATE MESSAGE **

** gremlin >>> it's raining ben **

gremlin: ben

gremlin: bon

gremlin: bob

gremlin: bon bon

gremlin: bin

it's raining ben: yes my sweet sunflower

gremlin: can we get ice cream after I get out of rehearsal

it's raining ben: you're lactose intolerant

gremlin: not important

it's raining ben: it's not healthy either

gremlin: I know you eat nothing but lettuce but I'm not a COW

it's raining ben: not true

it's raining ben: I also eat

it's raining ben: uh

gremlin: eggsactly

gremlin: soooo

gremlin: u gonna answer my question or not

it's raining ben: sigh

it's raining ben: u know ur stomach is gonna hurt after

gremlin: I accept the risks

it's raining ben: yeah sure we can go

gremlin: ben.

gremlin: you are my favorite person.

it's raining ben: I know

it's raining ben: and u are my favorite person

gremlin: :o

gremlin: amazing

gremlin: we're each other's favorite people!!!!

it's raining ben: yeos this is 100% correct

gremlin: can we go to ur house after

it's raining ben: I guess

gremlin: I was about to quote the "watch shark boy and lava girl and make out during the scary parts" thing but I got so excited I dropped my phone and everyone started laughing at me

it's raining ben: babie nooo

gremlin: is ok I like making people laugh

it's raining ben: ,,,,ok

**mike's trombone fetish**

mike n ike: I don't have a trombone fetish

trash man: sure Jan

mike n ike: when will Richie Tozier stop bullying me

trash man: lemme check my calendar

trash man: it says NEVER

trash man: DUMBASS

eddison: tone it down Richard

trash man: sorry

billiam: [genius.mov]

billiam: georgie reenacting the "oh my god I love chipotle!" vine

jewish spice: my son

gremlin: I think u mean "my brother in law"

it's raining ben: I think u mean "jdjaknfjskkwkdksks"

jewish spice: you're absolutely right ben my apologies

trash man: I wish I was on tv

eddison: I wish you were with me rn but we can't all get what we want now can we

billiam: leave the domestic softness OUT of this fucking chat

mike n ike: fuck you bill you and stan talk all soft in the chat ALL THE TIME

billiam: don't bully me

mike n ike: HOW

billiam: I'm bigger than u I'll fight u

mike n ike: o no

mike n ike: I'm so scared of a kid in level 2 ballet

billiam: STOP ID DIE FOR THOSE KIDS

eddison: stop the ballet discourse

gremlin: yeah stop the ballet discourse

gremlin: ballet sucks

gremlin: Irish step is where it's at!

gremlin: that,,, that was a joke

gremlin: someone respond

eddison: no

gremlin: thanks

** dance dance r e v o l u t i o n **

billiam: hey

billiam: does anyone wanna tell me

billiam: [what.jpg]

billiam: what the fuck THIS is

eddison: ,,,uh

mike n ike: a gift

mike n ike: from the level 5s to you

billiam: thereare kids in this studio

mike n ike: yeah

mike n ike: you

billiam: end the bullying

eddison: no

billiam: fine

** PRIVATE MESSAGE **

** billiam >>> jewish spice **

billiam: yeehaw

jewish spice: what did i do do deserve this torture

billiam: :(

billiam: I love you

jewish spice: I love you too

jewish spice: but stop with the country boy talk

billiam: pony up your caboose and get to the saloon you city-slicker

jewish spice: I'm gonna block you

billiam: aw don't do that

jewish spice: ha HA I have beaten you

billiam: you fool. You absolute buffet.

billiam: buffoon* fuck

jewish spice: I am a buffet aren't I

jewish spice: ;)))))

billiam: barf

** PRIVATE MESSAGE **

** eddison >>> trash man **

eddison: when is ur rehearsal over

trash man: in like 30 minutes

eddison: will u come cuddle w/ me

trash man: I can't cuddle with you every nighyeah sure obviously

trash man: I lov to cuddle

eddison: holy shite me too

trash man: oh well look who's finally being soft for once

eddison: excuse y

eddison: excuse you

eddison: I'm always soft

eddison: when am I ever not a soft boii

trash man: lemme think when ur being a horny fuck

eddison: hm. Fuck you

trash man: no goddammit

eddison: I'm being bullied

** mike's trombone fetish **

it's raining ben: [gremlins.jpg]

it's raining ben: sleepover

trash man: omg!

trash man: [grosss.jpg]

trash man: sleepover!

billiam: HOLY

billiam: [KIDS.jpg]

billiam: SLEEPOVER!!!!!!

mike n ike: [hi.jpg]

mike n ike: sleepover

billiam: EKJDKWMW

eddison: MOOD

jewish spice: that's how I feel rn

billiam: r00d

it's raining ben: none of these cute couples will ever compare to the fact that mike is having a sleepover with a goat that he actually brought into his goddamn room

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm tired and failing physics goodnight


	24. am I here for a day or forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in this episode: bad idea bears, n00ds, and witch doctor

** mike's trombone fetish **

jewish spice: ooh ee ooh ah ah ting tang walla walla bing bang

jewish spice: ooh ee ooh ah ah ting tang walla walla bing bang

jewish spice: (headbangs)

jewish spice: I TOLD THE WITCH DOCTOR I WAS IN LOVE WITH YOU

jewish spice: I TOLD THE WITCH DOCTOR I WAS IN LOVE WITH YOU

jewish spice: AND THEN THE WITCH DOCTOR HE TOLD ME WHAT TO DO

**mike's trombone fetish**

eddison: Stan what the fuck

jewish spice: I can't be awake at 4 am listening to the greatest song ever

it's raining ben: no you can't

jewish spice: fuck

gremlin: why is that so relatable stan

trash man: same

billiam: this just in: richie started playing it out loud and I'm about to kick him off the bed again

trash man: NO PLEASE DONT DO THAT

billiam: i won't

trash man: ok :)

trash man: FUCK YOU

mike n ike: you kicked him out of the bed didn't you

billiam: :)

gremlin: bill kicking Richie off the bed can't be your answer for everything

billiam: and why the fuck not

gremlin: violent

trash man: I have so many bruises on my body from where I've hit the ground

trash man: I'm dying slowly

trash man: I wish the good lord would take me now

it's raining ben: rip in peace

** mike's trombone fetish **

gremlin: [picsthatmakeyougohmmm.jpg]

gremlin: spotted: stan uris sleeping on the floor in french class

mike n ike: this is why you don't stay up into the godless hours of the night listening to WITCH DOCTOR OF ALL SONGS

billiam: I support him

trash man: oh you support him but not me

billiam: yeah p much

trash man: :(

eddison: I support you rich

trash man: :D

trash man: yay

trash man: anyways I wanna DIE cause physics sucks

trash man: Kelly gave me a 60 on my last assignment and my grade went down 8 points

it's raining ben: I'm gonna fight him

gremlin: don't die

mike n ike: ben fighting people and not dying? It's not likely

it's raining ben: shut your hell

eddison: don't bully him he's innocent

eddison: bully kelly instead

mike n ike: Kelly? Mrs johnson's class fish from sixth grade?

billiam: STOP kelly died on Stan's watch when he was in the sixth grade and he hates himself for it

trash man: rest in fucking pieces

gremlin: good I hated that fucking fish

eddison: why is beverly so mean

gremlin: i lost all desire to be kind after my aunt said we couldn't get a dog

gremlin: I've been on the verge of fighting our landlord for the past year

mike n ike: I have fought your landlord

gremlin: bless

gremlin: wait are you serious???

mike n ike: yeah he used to be this fuckin

mike n ike: grimy dude with one tooth that once broke into the farm property simply to wash the ewes

gremlin: ...

gremlin: I suddenly feel less secure in my aunt and I's living situation

trash man: someone help bev

gremlin: Blease

gremlin: am dying

mike n ike: the N pERISH

gremlin: rip

**dance dance r e v o l u t i o n**

eddison: what if richie and I got married

mike n ike: didn't you say you were planning on getting married eventually

eddison: no I mean like

eddison: in the next year or two

billiam: uh,,,

billiam: why

eddison: I mean if we're already planning then why wait

mike n ike: cause ur sixteen??

eddison: tons of people get married that young

eddison: I think it's a good idea

billiam: I don't, sorry

mike n ike: wait r u being serious

eddison: yeah 100%

mike n ike: uh Eddie

mike n ike: you guys are babies

mike n ike: baby childs

eddison: I'm an adult

billiam: have u guys talked about this???

eddison: a few times

eddison: ik it's weird to think abt but like if we don't do it when will we???

mike n ike: when you're graduated? or settled into jobs and stable lives?

eddison: yeah but isn't that something we can do together???

billiam: I guess??

** lemonade mouth defense squad **

** billiam >>> gremlin, it's raining ben, jewish spice, mike n ike **

billiam: CODE RED

gremlin: who's disrespecting lemonade mouth

billiam: this is for a different reason

gremlin: well it better be useful to invade the lemonade mouth chat like this

billiam: uh

billiam: richie and eddie are planning on getting married

it's raining ben: we been knew

jewish spice: yeah we all talked about getting married to our s/os one day

mike n ike: no like

mike n ike: in the next year or two

gremlin: oh.

it's raining ben: that's not Good

jewish spice: are you serious????

billiam: [serious.jpg]

gremlin: oh god

mike n ike: so. discuss.

it's raining ben: well if it's something they're seriously considering it's a bad idea

gremlin: if they're joking it's hilarious

gremlin: shall I ask him abt it tonight at rehearsal

gremlin: the rich man

jewish spice: if I were a rich man badadadadadadada

mike n ike: and this is stan living up to his user

jewish spice: B)

gremlin: are you really cool enough for sunglasses

jewish spice: B(

billiam: yes he is

jewish spice: BD

gremlin: BACK TO THE PROBLEM AT HAND

billiam: uh I mean don't bring it up out of the blue but if u could find out that'd be gr9

gremlin: noted

** mike's trombone fetish **

gremlin: richie eddie you should change your names to bad idea bear #1 and bad idea bear #2

mike n ike: BEVERLY

trash man: I mean I don't think either of us fall under the categorization of a bear

eddison: I def don't

eddison: but we do make some bad decisions

it's raining ben: like the decision to get married

**PRIVATE MESSAGE**

** trash man >>> eddison **

trash man: I fuckine knew it Eddie why'd u tell

eddison: bc I wanted love and support

trash man: that u can't get from ur fiance

eddison: u know what I mean

trash man: yea I do

trash man: I mean we just had a pregnancy scare so I wouldn't expect them to be super enthusiastic tho

eddison: we did??

trash man: no bill did u dildo

trash man: when one of us has a problem all seven of us have a problem

eddison: this is true

eddison: except I'm not marrying all of them

trash man: u callin me a problem

eddison: no,,,, where would u EVER get an idea like that

** mike's trombone fetish **

trash man: oh yeah

trash man: granted it's not as bad as some other. Decisions

trash man: coughs staying in a shady motel in Lincoln overnight

eddison: what the fuck!!!!!

eddison: im a strong independent woman who don't need no man

eddison: I can stay the night in Lincoln as many nights I want to

eddison: I didn't get murdered

eddison: so ha

it's raining ben: THIS IS NOT THE TOPIC OF CONVERSATION

_gremlin changed the chat name to show bobs and vagene._

gremlin: give it up guys

it's raining ben: gross

gremlin: :(

it's raining ben: you know what I meant

it's raining ben: stop finessing our friends for nudes Beverly

gremlin: I'm the nude pic dealer of Derry high

jewish spice: akdjakdk throwback to when there was that guy in middle school who got nudes of like 400 people

trash man: WHT THE FUCK

jewish spice: oh I think that was my eighth grade year

jewish spice: when you were freshmen

jewish spice: sorry when Y'all were freshmen

billiam: ignoring your use of the y word

billiam: what the FUCK

jewish spice: it was wild

jewish spice: sweet memories lol

gremlin: STAN

eddison: STAN WHAT THE HELL

** lemonade mouth defense squad **

billiam: k so it's been a few hours and uh

billiam: we all still agree richie and eddie getting married is a bad idea right

mike n ike: yep

gremlin: yeah

it's raining ben: yeah

jewish spice: mhm

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back and my writers block is just killing me
> 
> So I started writing a lemonade mouth au but I really want to write a beauty and the beast AU hahaha I need to make a decision and stick with it


	25. it's all gucci

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in this episode: divorce, Hanukkah, and roverdale

** PRIVATE MESSAGE **

** trash man >>> eddison **

trash man: [whiteshit.jpg]

trash man: look at all the cocaine that was in the yard this morning!

eddison: I want a divorce

trash man: no please imh aving a Christmas excitement meltdown

eddison: u don't celebrate christmas

trash man: ik but like. I live in a house with all people who celebrate Christmas now so. shrug

eddison: :o that makes sense

eddison: I'm sowwy

trash man: I will eviscerate you

eddison: kinky

trash man: did we switch bodies

eddison: probably

trash man: good 2 know

** show bobs and vagene **

mike n ike: when will my husband return from the war

billiam: I came back three weeks ago mike

jewish spice: :(

billiam: it's called polyamory

jewish spice: I love my husbands

mike n ike: I want a divorce

eddison: why is everyone getting divorced

gremlin: oh you and Richie broke up? Rip

trash man: no we r going strong

trash man: long live the super smash bros

eddison: again with the fucking name

trash man: it's a good name

eddison: it's really not

trash man: then what do you suggest we call ourselves

eddison: OUR FUCKING NAMES

trash man: that's no fun

trash man: I already forgot what name we decided we were going with fuck

eddison: tozier

trash man: hm i thot it should be Kaspbrak  
  
mike n ike: k so before this turns into a whole ass argument

mike n ike: YOU WILL NEVER GUESS WHAT THE FUCK. JUST HAPPENED.

gremlin: tell all

it's raining ben: spill the tea

mike n ike: patrick hockstetter just walked into this goddamn ingles wearing a fucking meLANIE MARTINEZ SHIRT

mike n ike: ARE WE STILL ON THIS BULLSHIT

jewish spice: tbh patrick being a melanie martinez apologist shouldn't surprise me

it's raining ben: the kid almost killed his brother it doesn't surprise me at all

gremlin: how many Melanie martinez shirts can one person own

trash man: idk but patrick has Too Many

billiam: how would u know

trash man: I know he owns at least one. that's too many

jewish spice: true

**show bobs and vagene**

_eddison changed the group chat name to bbc stands for ben_

jewish spice: STOP

mike n ike: ksijsjxa

it's raining ben: icons only

trash man: OH MY GOD

billiam: explain

eddison: Stan: yeah bbc stands for ben hanscom- wait

jewish spice: the ben broadcasting channel

trash man: the only channel I'd watch

gremlin: the only channel I do watch

trash man: ew

gremlin: what

gremlin: WHAT

gremlin: how could that POSSIBLY be sexual

trash man: oh you know how

trash man: hey what if you guys all started calling me lil dickie

it's raining ben: id block you irl

billiam: same

gremlin: same

eddison: same

mike n ike: same

jewish spice: can't relate I already have richie blocked

_trash man changed his nickname to lil dickie._

lil dickie: y'all are mean

gremlin: true

it's raining ben: I'm not

billiam: yes you are

it's raining ben: yeah ur right

eddison: google Britney Spears

jewish spice: why

eddison: she's good

mike n ike: thank you eddie

billiam: thank you Eddie

lil dickie: thonk u Eddie

** bbc stands for ben **

gremlin: stan on a scale of bill to mike how screwed are you for madame dish soap's test tomorrow

jewish spice: I'm a strong mike

gremlin: im a ben tbh im terrified

billiam: what is this

billiam: this scale

mike n ike: I fucking hate you guys

billiam: OH

billiam: OH I GET IT

billiam: yeah I hate u guys too

** PRIVATE MESSAGE **

** it's raining ben >>> gremlin **

it's raining ben: hey there's a boss baby show on netflix is it too soon to off myself

gremlin: MSKCKKWKDNWJ CAN WE WATCH IT TOGEHER

it's raining ben: NO

it's raining ben: if I have to watch it i will gouge my eyes out

gremlin: kinky

it's raining ben: you know what. I have family from Alabama so that's not the weirdest kink I've ever heard of

gremlin: KENXKWKS HONESTLY

gremlin: anyways u should come over and watch the boss baby show with me

gremlin: and we can make out during the scary parts

it's raining ben: so like the whole show

gremlin: ;)

it's raining ben: I'm conflicted

it's raining ben: i wanna kiss my hot gf but if I have to see the boss baby I'm gonna have a seizure

gremlin: we'll compromise

gremlin: we'll watch the good place

it's raining ben: hell yeah

gremlin: but u can't watch the whole time

it's raining ben: obvi

it's raining ben: ur hotter than kristin bell

gremlin: UH not true but thanks

it's raining ben: uh so true

**bbc stands for ben**

billiam: [sweetness.jpg]

jewish spice: we need to make a photo album of how many times you've sent us a picture of Richie crying and george hugging him

mike n ike: what happened?

eddison: tel us

billiam: this was taken during dinner moments after my parents asked richie if he'd teach them about hanukah and then asked if it was okay if we celebrated hanukah and christmas altogether this year

billiam: he was totally expecting to just be celebrating Christmas and he's so happy but kinda embarrassed and tbh he's been living with us for like 5 months now so idk how he's embarrassed

jewish spice: I STAN SOFT RICHIE

mike n ike: ME 2

eddison: THATS SO CUTE

jewish spice: ^^^ !!!!!

mike n ike: I LOVE

bbc stands for ben

lil dickie: YEAH OV COURSE I WAS EMBARRASSED U WATERLOGGED SEX TOY

billiam: interesting choice of words but nevertheless.

billiam: there's no need 2 be embarrassed cause we r ur family now

gremlin: just reading up on all this

gremlin: love it love the softness guys

jewish spice: Beverly u we're away from ur phone for more than ten minutes that's a first

eddison: where were u young lady

gremlin: I was busy doing stuff

it's raining ben: my name isn't stuff beverly

mike n ike: Bomit

gremlin: oh shut tf up you broken vending machine

mike n ike: HOW DARE U

eddison: the next person who bullies mike is getting booted from the chat

mike n ike: my hero

** bbc stands for ben **

gremlin: [nicekids.mov]

eddison: my vagina is shaking. i love this song

it's raining ben: same

billiam: tag yourself I'm richie falling at the end

jewish spice: I'm the kid laughing

eddison: im richie's microphone

jewish spice: hehe

eddison: jesus can we be not sexual for one goddamn day

billiam: no

mike n ike: id like to try that

eddison: I'm only sexual with u mike ;)

lil dickie: well I have text messages that beg to differ

jewish spice: richie has the RECIPETS

jewish spice: RECIEPITS

jewish spice: RECPIETS

jewish spice: RECEIPTS

billiam: u feeling better now

jewish spice: yes

eddison: uh so richie and I are no longer getting married

lil dickie: RLY

lil dickie: BABI NO IM SORRY  
  
eddison: ok

eddison: lov u

lil dickie: lov u 2

lil dickie: wait that sounded sarcastic

eddison: no

eddison: not at All

lil dickie: Beverly stop laughing

gremlin: sorry I have the mind of a thirteen year old

jewish spice: omg no way so do I

mike n ike: that joke woulda been funnier when you were actually 13 & we were all 14 stan

jewish spice: I know don't hurt me

mike n ike: I would never

billiam: I love soft friendships

lil dickie: I prefer hard ones

lil dickie: hashtag me n eddie

lil dickie: if ya know what I mean ;))))))

_eddison has removed lil dickie from the chat._

eddison: begone you wet chicken breast

billiam: that's not all that's wet

_eddison has removed billiam from the chat._

eddison: bye

gremlin: wkskallkskska Eddie ur so defensive

eddison: i am pisst

eddison: i need to take a nap

it's raining ben: goodnight

gremlin: OH SHIT I MISSED MY CUE

jewish spice: insert key smash

_mike n ike has added billiam and lil dickie to the chat._

lil dickie: mike my love my hero my ball of sunshine my sweet summer flower child

billiam: thanks mike

**bbc stands for ben**

lil dickie: did you guys know that apparently corny was the one who got brenda pregnant in the show

jewish spice: the fuck

lil dickie: yeah ikr

it's raining ben: just when this shit couldn't get more fucked up

eddison: every time ben swears I lose six years off my life

it's raining ben: heck

eddison: ur on thin fucking ice man

it's raining ben: id fall through

mike n ike: r u sure about that

it's raining ben: yah

it's raining ben: pulling a full cheryl blossom

billiam: STOP WE DONT DISCUSS R*VERDALE IN THIS CHAT

gremlin: ill discuss roverdale as much as I want

lil dickie: roverdale is riverdale but with dogs

mike n ike: I'd watch that

jewish spice: me too

gremlin: me too

billiam: me too

it's raining ben: me too

eddison: me too

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol I love this chap even tho it was about 4 days late
> 
> It's tech week for beauty and the beast and I have a dance competition Saturday let me be

**Author's Note:**

> lol I was MrsMisterMan and that acc got deleted when my mom and dad found my Tumblr and made me delete everything and cut off all my internet friends shrug
> 
> I'm reposting this fic cause I love it and it's not done
> 
> My other works are Dear Evan Hansen and if ur interested in reading them I can link them but I don't think I'll be reuploading them


End file.
